4.5yo and selective hearing? Need advice

[busymama77]

While I'm sure that this is the case with ALL kids, my little guy is driving me nuts and I need some direction on what to do. Begging, pleading, yelling, distracting, etc., is not doing the trick for him. Might I have a child with ADD on my hands or is this just flat out normal and is a phase?

Shopping trips - even the short in and out ones - are becoming a nightmare. I'm usually by myself with the boys in the evenings/after work/when DH travels or has a work function. So some of these quick trips HAVE to be done with both kids. I'm getting to the point of dreading them....

EXAMPLE: Last night - at Target - not even a 10 minute trip - he runs around the store, I try to distract him, ask him firmly to stop, he looks at me like I'm telling a joke and proceeds to run again. Distracting him - last for a few minutes and then he's back to disobeying me. Asking him to stop doing anything that I know will be harmful to him, other people, his little brother - he doesn't seem to listen. Once I've yelled, embarassed us both, he'll stop, but I REALLY don't want it come to this. Who does?
And yes, I've considered all factors iof why he would be acting out this way - tired, hungry, bored, etc., and trying to address those to have him calm down is sometimes close to impossible and really tries my patience.

Once I've clearly become upset with him, explained to him why I'm upset, he sulks and then apologizes later for making me mad and is the best child ever -loving, helpful, calm. It's like jekel and hyde!

Looking for advice/suggestions/btdt's and how you overcame them. I hate yelling - I mean, I really hate it and it doesn't solve anything and I don't want to set an example for my YDS that this is how mama is when she's upset. I'm overwhelmed at times and maybe that's why I do yell.... I'm just burning the candle at both ends.

[GuildJenn]

It does sound overwhelming. Hugs to you!

I think it is normal, but it doesn't make it okay.

I would do some practice runs when you're not having to shop and when the bad behaviour stops, take swift, firm, calm action: leave. Leave the cart and everything. No arguing, no niceness, no meanness. Just "You cannot behave that way. We're leaving." Then go home and do something yourself and let him be bored.

Alternatively, and maybe as a second step, when your DH is home say that you're going somewhere pretty fun and taking your other child. When your oldest says he wants to go, say in a firm and slightly sad but not shaming way "I'm really sorry...I would like to take you but the last time I took you to a store you misbehaved. You can go next time. But you have to sit this one out."

And the third approach is to plan shopping so you aren't going quite as often, just for sanity's sake.

[D_McG]

I agree with the PP. Consistent immediate consequences. No exceptions!

[etsdtm99]

My dd is the same age and has the same issue.. Sometimes it helps to talk to her before shopping and give her a job like holding the list or helping me find certain things - also a special snack and sitting in the cart, I have never tolerated her walking without holding a hand or the cart or something though ... I have left the store before like a pp mentioned and that really seemed to have an impact on her, I told her we would go to lunch and the parrk after the store and since she was being crazy we just left and went home, she talked about it for weeks.. Also lately taking her baby doll to the store to shop has helped keep her focused ..

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

It does sound overwhelming. Hugs to you!

I think it is normal, but it doesn't make it okay.

I would do some practice runs when you're not having to shop and when the bad behaviour stops, take swift, firm, calm action: leave. Leave the cart and everything. No arguing, no niceness, no meanness. Just "You cannot behave that way. We're leaving." Then go home and do something yourself and let him be bored.

Alternatively, and maybe as a second step, when your DH is home say that you're going somewhere pretty fun and taking your other child. When your oldest says he wants to go, say in a firm and slightly sad but not shaming way "I'm really sorry...I would like to take you but the last time I took you to a store you misbehaved. You can go next time. But you have to sit this one out."

And the third approach is to plan shopping so you aren't going quite as often, just for sanity's sake.

I really like those suggestions and do think they will work. Thank you!