Do you answer EVERY question? (3.5yo)

[InMediasRes]

Good grief, my DS asks me questions ALL. DAY. LONG. Every single second. He asks many nonsense questions that can't be answered, questions he already knows the answer to, on and on and on in circles until we're both going crazy!

Is there any way to curb this? It's all good and fine that he's inquisitive, and I try my best to answer his questions about the way the world works, but if he asks me a nonsense question, ie "What's xyz-nonsense-word-of-the-day mean?" and throws a fit about me not being able to answer it, I don't really know what to do. I've tried getting him to answer some of his own questions, but he is clearly peeved if I don't know the answer to something.

My favorites are asking about things he already knows about "What's a car?" "What's a cat?" "What's a mommy?" "What's a grape?" I give him definitions, explain how things work, find videos, books, etc. on his topics of choice, but I'm going pretty batty answering questions I KNOW he knows the answer to (and that he just asked me 5 minutes ago).

Does it ever end? Is there some way to make him chill out a bit? Is it developmentally okay to say "Sorry, I'm not going to answer any more questions for a while. Mommy needs some quiet."? I'm an introvert and I really just can't keep up with all the talking without going nuts.

[Xerxella]

I could've written this post!!!! My 3 yo drives me nuts with the constant questions.

ME - Daddy's coming home soon.
DS - Why?
Me - While, he's done with work, so he's coming home.
DS - Why?

It justs goes on all.day.long.....

Lately, when I'm at the end of my patience. I just say nothing. (I figure it's better than snapping at him or giving him a snide remark.) Ususally, he stops or rephrases his question.

Sometimes, I turn the question back on him. What's a car? And, he tells me, sometimes. Sometimes, he'll say, "I don't know." Then I tell him to think about it and get back to me when he figures it out. But, not in a nsarky way, but I'm just trying to help him think for himself.

Maybe some of thses ideas will help, at least help you keep your sanity. Overall, I hope this stage passes. Hopefully, someone will say it passes...

[swell_mel]

Well, I have 2 girls, 4 & 6 and it's question asking x 2. Questions. All. Day. Long. They ask questions they know the answer to, questions they asked 5 minutes before, questions that don't really have an answer, you name it- they ask it. So far, the question asking is still going strong... not what you wanted to hear I'm sure. I do my best to answer what I can. Usually short and simple is best. And then like you said I will turn some questions back around for them to answer. I think sometimes asking the same questions over and over provide security- for example asking 'where is daddy? what time will he be home?'- you'd think after so long they wouldn't have to ask over and over but with things like that I think help them feel like they have a sense of what is going on and have comfort from the predictability- they know what the answer should be but hearing that the answer is still the same is kind of a relief. The constant questions can be very hard to take after so long. What dh and I have been doing for a while and has worked really well is if the constant questioning is getting to be to much we announce a question break- we usually give a time limit like for the next 5 minutes or something like that- sometimes longer. That helps us regain our sanity however fleeting it may be.

[LynnS6]

I don't think any human could have answered all of ds' questions. So, there were times when I said:

"I need 5 minutes without questions," which inevitably led to
"Why?"
"Because I need time to think."
"Why?"


The worst period was 3-4, it tapered off a bit at 4, but they were very very frequent. At 5 it got a bit better, but it wasn't until 7 that he asked a reasonable amount of questions. Or maybe they just got more interesting so I don't mind as much. He's 9 and still asks a lot of questions. His latest:

"Are more elephants right tusked or left tusked?"

[leighi123]

My ds has been doing this for over a year now. (he just turned 3 a week ago).

I used to answer every question, but now I only answer the important ones + the ones I feel like answering.

For the others, I will say something like:

"I dont know, what do you think?"
"How can you find out?"
"I rember seeing something about that in ____ book, maybe look in there to find out..."

If its a time related question:

- I set the timer, and tell him when it beeps, then ____ happens
- We have a calander, so we look at that and count the number of days or whatever
- Look at our big grandfather clock, 'when the hand gets to X, then Y'

Or if he is asking a silly question, he gets a silly answer!

If I'm really getting tired of it, I'll say:

"I dont know the answer to that, lets go call Grammy and ask her"

Which means he will talk to my grandma for an hour, keeping both of them entertained!

[Bellabaz]

If dd1 knows the answer, I tell her that she knows it so I'm not going to spend 10 minutes telling her again or I say don't be silly I think you already know that =). I often try to ask her what she thinks to encourage her thinking for herself and also not to stifle the questions. Then there are times when I am tired or dd2 is freaking out or whatever and I just tell her to stop asking me questions for a little because mamma needs a question break.

[hermionesmum]

I'll keep answering as long as they are actively, respectfully listening to the answers. If they are just talking for the sake of it I direct them on to something else. The day when I could tell them,
"Oh, I don't know look in the dictionary/google" came at about seven!

[Pumpkin_Pie]

My DS has also been doing this for about a year. I would say it peaked around two or so months ago and is still pretty intense. I actually started a thread about this then, and have been slowly learning to limit it for my own sanity. Occasionally I will ask him to stop talking for a few minutes so Mama can think and he usually respects that. I don't ask him to stop talking unless I am absolutely at my wits end, so it doesn't happen very often.

Sometimes I will just say "I don't know", but that is really only for the nonsense questions. I also turn it around on him and ask him what he thinks the answer is. Sometimes he will tell me, sometimes he won't, but at least it stops the barrage for a moment.

[VillageMom6]

Originally Posted by InMediasRes

Is it developmentally okay to say "Sorry, I'm not going to answer any more questions for a while. Mommy needs some quiet."?

YES!

My first born child was like that. It was cute the first half of the day but by 2:00pm I needed a break!

I would tell him exactly what you said, "No more questions for a while. Mama needs some quiet.".

You'll be happy to know that it did not stunt his curiosity or his intellect. He learned awareness of and respect for other people's feelings and he still thrived enough to start college at age 14.

[sarahr]

I am so happy for this post! My dd's most annoying questions are when she makes up some silly rule (everyone has to put on their shirts backwards first) and then asks why we have to put our shirts on backwards. I don't know, you made the rule!

Other favorites are when she just mindlessly asks why to everything I say, even when it doesn't make any sense. She's just doing that because she's avoiding doing whatever she's supposed to be doing.

I answer all questions that have answers; for other questions, if I remember to be patient I'll ask her what she thinks. Once I'm out of patience I admit to sometimes snapping "I don't know!" Once or twice my answer has been "Because I said so."

If I thought that asking for quiet would help, I would do it in a second, but I think that would only invite more whining, which is even worse than the questions.

[Artichokie]

When I get tired of the barrage of questions, or if they become nonsensical, I reply with, "well, what do you think?" and then after she shares, I respond with, "well, that seems like a reasonable explanation, yes! Good thinking."

[One_Girl]

I didn't answer every question and I still don't. I sometimes turned the question around and asked dd the same question, sometimes said I didn't know and we would look it up, and sometimes told dd to repeat my answer back to me or think back to what I had just said. I thought it was horrible that some moms tell their kids question time was over or to ask later, but after having a child go through this stage I found that sometimes question time did need to be over until my sanity or patience returned.

[atnightingale]

I hear you. We tried a couple of strategies to limit this.

1. If it's a silly question or a question she knows the answer to, I will turn it around an ask "what do you think?"
2. Pretty early on we made a rule that Why? is not enough. She can just throw it out too fast. So we made our verbal little critter ask the who question i.e. "Where are we going." "To the grocery store." "Why?" "Why what?" Why are we going to the grocery store?" etc. It helps somewhat.
3. More recently after 3.5, she started asking why in situations like: "Where are we going?" "To the grocery store." "Why are we going this way?" Because the grocery store is over there." "Why?"... So I started asking her which question she was asking "Why is the grocery store over there?" or "How do I know the grocery store is over there?" ... This turned out to be a useful distinction because she was often asking the second question which is much more answerable than the first.

And sometimes I have to have her just stop for a minute especially when I'm driving.

[ShyDaisi]

Micah went through a small stage where he asked a lot of questions. My biggest defense was to ask questions back.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by leighi123

If I'm really getting tired of it, I'll say:

"I dont know the answer to that, lets go call Grammy and ask her"

Which means he will talk to my grandma for an hour, keeping both of them entertained!

I love that!

OP yes I do answer most questions. I also google things with him. If he asks me the meaning of made up words, I just make up a meaning. Sometimes we get really silly and go back and forth for hours...It's so fun!

They taper off at about 5...or so I hear.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by InMediasRes

Is it developmentally okay to say "Sorry, I'm not going to answer any more questions for a while. Mommy needs some quiet."? I'm an introvert and I really just can't keep up with all the talking without going nuts.

Yes it is okay to request quiet time. I do also do that regularly, but often he just goes and asks daddy...or ANYONE that is taller than him and looks like they might know more than him.

It's definitely not a one man job!

[lillymonster]

LOL, I just came over here to post another question and saw this. Not only does DD talk non-stop, she asks questions all the time, and sometimes I am so tired of talking, even asking her questions back, I just say "I am glad you ask so many questions, I like you want to know things, but my ears are tired and need some quiet and sometimes I doesn't know the answer right away, so maybe we can take a break for a while"

I admit I do lose patience when I am trying to drive and I am lost and she asks where we are going and what I am doing and then starts telling me what direction I need to go. Little back seat driver!

[newlywaaz]

NO. I answer the vast majority of them, and good answers too (not just "yeah" or "I don't know," but not all. I have reached the same point as you, where there are a LOT of questions that are not logical or have no logical answer, and I tell DS that. Either I say "I don't know how to answer that," "I'm not going to answer that," or, occasionally, "that question doesn't make sense. Are you asking about XYZ?" (and try to guess what he really wants to know).
I do tend to notice that DS doesn't necessarily want to know all the answers, he is just trying to figure out how to make conversation, and asking a question usually does the trick. SO, if he's really driving me batty, I will answer one question and direct a conversation about that topic instead of letting him ask 10 different questions in a row. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

I have definitely said that I am DONE asking questions for a set period of time (usually 10 minutes with a timer or until we reach our destination if we're close), and stuck to it, which I see no problem with!

ETA: I also do not allow one worded "why" questions. If I ask for clarification, DS either can't remember what he wanted to know, doesn't want to say all the words, or often will give the answer he's looking for in the question itself "why does the rain come down to make the flowers grow" and often all I have to do is confirm that his guess as to the answer is correct or incorrect. If I believe he knows the answer (what time is snack?) I will not answer it, and if he's being vague, I ask him to "say different words about your question" or something like that to better discern what he means.

[bonamarq]

I have heard that in large part all the endless questions, especially the non-sense ones or the ones they know the answers to, are the child's way of keeping the conversation going - in the only way they know how - it might not make it any less frustrating but if you think about it this way it is sometimes easier to 'meet that need' - I'd sometimes babble on about something when dd would do this and it satisfied her - and was infinitely more interesting TO ME then 'what's a car'

[Violet2]

Okay, maybe DD isn't at full 'why' capacity yet, but I feel pretty good about how I've been handling it.

I give her the best answer I can and repeat it as much as she needs. I've noticed she eventually moves on to something else.

I guess, my perspective is, she's learning how the world works, testing to see if the answer is the same etc... So I'm trying real hard to respect that this is important for her development.

If she goes crazy with it though, I may have to run and hide.

V