From homebirth to hospital birth?

[annettemarie]

Are there any resources (or even words of wisdom!) out there to support me in having a hospital birth after a homebirth last time? It's a done deal-- a home birth is out for many reasons-- but I find myself really chafing against the whole mentality. It's so different from my nice hippie homebirth where I dropped my kid on my bed. Every time I hear the phrase "We'll let you..." or "We won't let you..." my blood pressure goes up and I find myself gearing up for a fight before every appointment. FWIW, there hasn't even been any real fights yet. Everyone's been absolutely lovely. So maybe I just need advice on checking my attitude.

[homemademom]

Oh, I'm really anxious to read the responses as I may be going from homebirth to hospital as well (if I can't find a better mw situation). The OB I've seen so far is wonderful. I really like him, but like you, it's so hard to wrap my head around being told what to do

[annettemarie]

We have no birthing center. I used to be in an area with a lot of choices, but where I am now, not so much. There's just one hospital that's very conservative. We're in a valley surrounded by mountains, and if something goes wrong, they life flight you out to the big hospital an hour away. We did finally get a NICU, so as long as I go at least 33 weeks I can have the babies here.

I've looked for a doula and can't find one in my area. I do want to personally email the different organizations and see if there's anyone training in my area.

There's one midwife I really connected with. She caught my third baby. But as progressive as she is for the area, she is still limited by protocol, you know?

I'm not sure why I would want to birth twins in the parking lot.

[onlyboys]

That is really hard. My sister in law had twins last year, after planning for a homebirthed singleton. FL is very clear on twins and LMs: the twain shall never meet, so she planned a hospital birth with the best OB she could find.

The result? Two lovely boys birthed within an hour or so of being in the hospital, both vaginal and unmedicated, with her licensed midwives in attendance, though not catching.

I think it might just take a readjustment of your expectations. You know you have options: you can birth in hospital, or unassisted, or with a midwife breaking protocol, or travel to the Farm. Choose one that works best for you and your family, recognize it as a choice (though not the one you necessary anticipated) and embrace it.

Reading this back, it seems pretty simple, though I know that it is very hard work to rearrange your mind and spirit around a choice that seems sub-optimal.

Hope you find some peace.

[rparker]

I'm preparing for my second rural hospital birth.

Would the midwife from your last birth be willing to act as a doula? Having a really strong and confident advocate goes a long way in creating a better birthing space in a hospital setting. Some husbands are great at this; others it's not their strong suit.

Is your primary HCP willing to "let" you opt out of all standard procedures? Both the OBGYN I saw for my first pregnancy and the family practice doctor I'm seeing this time have sets of standard interventions that they recommend, but neither had/has any issue with patients refusing them. Not every MD has this mindset, but in my experience it's the next best thing to having a midwife or a doctor who truly "gets" NCB. Having a HCP who supports your decisions goes a long way with eliminating tension with L&D nurses.

My first birth wasn't a relaxing or "great" experience, but it was definitely ok and completely "natural." The only intervention I experienced (extremely intermittent EFM) I had planned to consent to beforehand. I even avoided the hospital gown. I did it without a doula or a birth plan. I just said "no" to everything, had a laid back doctor, and a very assertive husband. This time I'm refusing every intervention that wouldn't/couldn't happen at a home birth (so doppler only no EFM) as long as the pregnancy remains low risk. (I'm also opting for a doula, but that has more to do with the added stress of bringing a 3 year old to the hospital with us.)

You might meet more resistance about refusing things since you're carrying twins, but there's really nothing that anyone can force you to do. I guess that's not a super reassuring pep talk, but I did want to chime in with "yes it's possible to not consent to a bunch of stupid crap just because you're stuck in a hospital."

[MsBlack]

I agree--you don't have to agree to a bunch of stupid crap just because you're in the hospital. And it needn't really be a fight, either--be a calm, assertive/confident and informed mama, it really can go a long way.

Sounds like you have time to prepare....so prepare. And remember, oftentimes it's only a 'fight' when you feel threatened...be calm, assured, informed and firm--you are in charge, requesting only the services that you need and are evidence based--that attitude really will go a very long way! I saw it as a mama when my last was a UC transfer for csec (with backup OB onboard), and I've seen it as a mw occasionally transferring clients.

Sorry it's this way...but I'm sure you can work toward a lovely birth nonetheless if you plan and choose wisely and confidently as you go along.

[annettemarie]

So far, they've been OK. The protocol for twin vaginal birth isn't as restrictive as the next town over, where both babies have to be head down. The doctors and midwives all have experience with vaginal breech birth, should it come to that. To be honest, the nurses have annoyed me more than the doctors, LOL!

And just to be clear, I don't want another homebirth, at least not this time. And I definitely don't want to UC.

[goodygumdrops]

I think there was a recently published book titled Homebirth in the Hospital....I don't know the author though.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by goodygumdrops

I think there was a recently published book titled Homebirth in the Hospital....I don't know the author though.

Really? That sounds promising! I'll look into it, thanks!

[fruitfulmomma]

There's one midwife I really connected with. She caught my third baby. But as progressive as she is for the area, she is still limited by protocol, you know?

Find out if she will doula for you.

Here is the homebirth book mentioned...
http://www.homebirthinthehospital.com/

So, I've never planned to birth in the hospital, but we had two transports after my first was born at home, and really it was not as bad as I was expecting. The nurses were a little snippy when I came in with the one screaming that I needed to push, but the doctor was fine. The second time I transferred care to the on-call doc for an arom induction and everything went really well. I still prefer homebirth and had the last two at home, but I think my experiences there were good.

[GOPLawyer]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

I agree--you don't have to agree to a bunch of stupid crap just because you're in the hospital. And it needn't really be a fight, either--be a calm, assertive/confident and informed mama, it really can go a long way.

Sounds like you have time to prepare....so prepare. And remember, oftentimes it's only a 'fight' when you feel threatened...be calm, assured, informed and firm--you are in charge, requesting only the services that you need and are evidence based--that attitude really will go a very long way! I saw it as a mama when my last was a UC transfer for csec (with backup OB onboard), and I've seen it as a mw occasionally transferring clients.

Sorry it's this way...but I'm sure you can work toward a lovely birth nonetheless if you plan and choose wisely and confidently as you go along.

Strongly ditto this!

I know where you are coming from WRT blood pressure. I can't even go in to see an OB for a regular pap. The thought freaks me out. That being so, I didn't have a choice but to suck it up, forgo the planned HB and go to the hospital w/ PTL at 30 weeks.

Long story short, no OB in the US would voluntarily attend my vaginal birth. However, there wasn't a chance I was going to consent to a RCS (w/o a *true* medical need). There was zero doubt that there would be conflict (there was...they were practically circling my bed w/ scalpel in hand). The key to dealing with it was as previously stated...stay completely calm and confident. Feel comfortable with the knowledge you have gained via research and politely yet firmly stand your ground.

As cheesy as it sounds, have a happy place in your head and go there. Let labor take over and stay inside your head and body. Keep a small part of your consciousness alert to your surrounds only to the point necessary to make what you need happen and/or keep stuff from happening (ie IV or the like). My DH actually had to fill me in on some of the "declines" and comments I made to the staff. Know your plans well enough to be able to "auto-pilot" answers.

It's very important, IMO, to have an advocate (SO, doula etc.) that is completely on board w/ your requirements AND has a good backbone.

Skip the negotiations. This is not the time for full blown discussions of research and why you want/don't want something. Keep it simple....."No"..."Yes" . You're on their turf and you're in labor. The cards are stacked against you in a negotiation. It's best to just take command. You are the consumer and you ultimately have the final say. Never forget that.

[phathui5]

Have you looked for a doula in your tribal forum?

[Mrs.Music]

You can do it, mama. The way you want to. I've had 2 hospital births because I've had 2 preemies. Just walk in, tell them what you want, and don't take no for an answer. Make sure everyone coming with you knows what you want to, so they can stand up for you. A doula is a great idea. I had my midwife there in a doula capacity and it was a tremendous help when I said no to everything. Even with policy... they can't really MAKE you do anything, can they? Once you're there, they're kinda required to catch that baby. And nobody is going to get away with making you take any interventions you're not ok with.

[Banana731]

Originally Posted by rparker

Would the midwife from your last birth be willing to act as a doula? Having a really strong and confident advocate goes a long way in creating a better birthing space in a hospital setting.

That

and also- that sucks, I'm sorry

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

FWIW, there hasn't even been any real fights yet. Everyone's been absolutely lovely. So maybe I just need advice on checking my attitude.

I totally know exactly what you mean. & I felt the same way.

One thing that really helped me reframe my thinking was what someone wrote on a local natural parenting group. She said she thought of the hospital room as her room and when people came in, she'd say "Can I help you?"

For some reason, this simple statement really resonated with me. It was as if it's MY TERRITORY and everything that happens, happens (or not) WITH MY SAY. They may offer something like a VE, IV, or epidural, but I can decline. Just as if I were attending a party & the hostess offered me a glass of wine. No need for a 'fight' just a "No thank you."

(in the event that they aren't immediately respectful of your "No thank you" your doula and/or DP should step up immediately to reinforce what you've said. Fighting shouldn't be a concern for you.)

Re: nurses, you could always ask for an NCB-friendly one when you arrive & then if one annoys you, ask if she could be swapped out. Have your DP make this request so he's the "bad guy."