vent~overwhelmed

[sugarpop]

If I hear...I am tired one more time I am going to scream! DH keeps telling me how tired he is...I haven't slept through the night in 10 months. I love DD and I am trying to cope by I am tired too.

I hear her crying now...he is with her, so I know she is ok, but I feel like he is waiting for me to come to the rescue and calm her. Why can't he? How long does this last? When will I not feel alone? He could go give her a bath...which she loves and needs. But nope not what he is doing! AH I need to scream, but I won't. I know he is a great husband and wonderful father but I am sinking here.. I need sleep, I need a moment to myself and to know that she is happy!

OK I am off to the rescue now, b/c it isn't DDs fault that DH can't soothe her!

Am I alone?

[nola79]

No. I have been so tired lately. Sleep deprivation really takes a toll. My dd is not a bad sleeper, either, but she's still up a couple times a night.

[toughcookie]

i have kinda a sneaky solution that may or may not work for you, depending on your relationship. (but it did work for me!)

can you afford (in light of your socio-economic and other situational "stuff") to tell your husband you are not feeling well, and that you need a good night's sleep (ie, HE gets up to comfort your babe unless it is BFing needed, and in that case he grabs the baby off the breast when done, changes baby while you get back to bed immediately), and then in the morning, when you hopefully feel less ragged and shattered, tell him you need to talk....

then talk about how your joy of your baby and your relationship with him are impacted by your exhaustion? this one can be delicate -- i remained as calm and non-accusatory as i humanly could, and chose to EMPHASIZE what he is great at. like, when my stitches were killing me and i was still bleeding and he'd just take the baby for a walk so i could sit in the warm tub for an hour. like how the baby loves to "dance" with daddy, or how he gives a great bath that elicit squeals of delight, or just how he can get him to settle really well if baby is not hungry... and just honestly tell him that you are overwhelmed. he could be suffering from a lack of confidence?? it sounds like he is WILLING to help you but is unsure what exactly to do to settle your babe? that stuff only gets busted through once he realizes he CAN do it - he can start and have you run back-up if needed, then pass the baby back to him when calmness is back...

sorry this is a bit run-on, but i just wanted to get the thought out before my own baby starts hollering!

[sugarpop]

I am feeling better...didn't take long.

toughcookie~thank you so much for your advice...I think I can modify it just a tad and make it fit. I really liked your point about him maybe needing a confidence boost. I think we have made a habit of soothing with milk so now we all think that is the way to do it...including little babe Sophia!

So thank you again for reading and supporting!

[toughcookie]

good luck, and yeah, we'll all be in trouble when our milking days are done!

[Tway]

My DH took over putting DD to bed at about 8 months, because I simply couldn't do it anymore (well, that's what it felt like, anyway). DD doesn't sleep through the night by a ling shot, and I'm up with her a lot these days, so it's a relief to have that one thing less to worry about.

DH and DD spend a few hours every night together, with me doing chores or helping out or just sitting by myself for a moment. Can you get DH to try to take over a little at bedtime? That time will really help bond them together and hopefully she'll come to trust him to put her to bed. Some tears and fussing may happen, but it should pass with a little effort and time. Try getting out while he puts her down so you can leave them time together. Maybe take a walk--that's what I did tonight!