Why can't I just call a d*mn therapist?!

[InMediasRes]

I came to the conclusion quite some time ago (I'm embarrassed to say how long ago) that I have anxiety and panic attacks. I have no idea what the severity is, but it's really impacting my daily life. The first panic attack I remember was when I was about 8, and I have some very clear ones from adolescence that are scary for me to think about.

I feel like my life is one big roller coaster. For a while I feel like supermom - I'm doing great in the kitchen, and keeping up on the laundry, and talking to friends, and staying off the computer, and playing awesome games with my kids.

Then I-don't-know-what happens. I can't play with my kids. Every little thing they do drives me nuts. My husband drives me nuts. I can't work in the kitchen because I feel like the dishes are going to take me over. I slack on everything.

And then it starts to get bad. I get headaches, short of breath, find myself clenching my fists and my jaw alot, I chew on my fingers til they bleed, I feel tight in my chest, feel like the world is collapsing in on me over even the smallest of things. I can't concentrate on anything. I am yelling at my children and withdrawing from everyone. And then I am crying and finding it hard to breathe and feeling frantic.

And every time I get to that awful place, I know what I have to do. But I can't do it! I can't call a stupid therapist.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of anything medicalized. I'm afraid of authority. I'm afraid the therapist will think I'm stupid. Or berate me for waiting so long. Or tell me I'm a horrible parent or some such. I know these aren't things that therapists do, but every time I pick up the phone, I start to panic.

I have tried to get DH to call for me, but with our insurance, you have to talk to a therapist for a quick eval over the phone before they will approve you for therapy, so I actually do have to talk to SOMEONE.

I am going to Seattle tomorrow on vacation (with my babe and my sister) and instead of being excited, I am starting to panic about something going wrong.

So...I don't know what I want. Stories about how the therapist helped you? Ways to get over this problem for the few minutes it will take to make the phone call? Something I can do to help calm down in the mean time? A hug?

[EviesMom]

I say to focus on what you need to leave in an initial phone message. Every time I have called my therapist, I haven't talked to them directly. It's always been leaving a message and then they call you back. You can ensure that you leave a message instead by calling right after business hours or maybe right before. Write down exactly what you want to say in a message first and call and leave the message. When they call you back, I've found it easier to talk rather than sitting there unable to make the initial call.

[lotusdebi]

Calms Forte helps me when my anxiety starts to get out of control.

I have phone anxiety, so I have to prepare myself to call ANYONE. What I do is write down what I want to say. I don't do the whole script, but key points that I want to bring up. If necessary, I pull out anything I need ahead of time (insurance card, credit card, calendar, etc.). Then I have a conversation in my head. I know a lot of the time I'll be leaving a message with someone, so I prepare for that as well. I still end up pacing and, therefore, sounding out of breath and hurried on the phone. But, I'm able to get it out and get it over with. Then I can sit and eat chocolate and breathe for a bit.

For you, I recommend calling the therapist when you're in a good place, not when you're already an anxious mess. Ask around for recommendations so you know where to start.

For me, it was important to find a female therapist who was close to my age and also a mother. Having similar political and parenting philosophies helped as well, since I talk about that stuff a lot. I started therapy when I was 10, and ended it when I was 31. My last therapist lasted 8 years, and was effective enough that I finally grew out of the need for therapy! I still have issues, but now I have the tools to deal with those issues myself.

There are good therapists and bad therapists and just plain okay therapists out there. Different therapists are good fits for different people. You have to find the one that's right for you, and dismiss the others from your mind. If you find one who is mean or otherwise makes you feel bad about yourself from the start, then that person isn't a good fit. And their opinion of you is about as meaningful as the opinion of a stranger. Let it go and keep looking.

I hope that helps a little. Good luck to you!

[InMediasRes]

Just wanted to share that I finally made the call today after flipping out on my kids because DS woke DD up from her nap.

But . I finally feel like I can do this. If I can make that phone call, I can do it. Thanks for your suggestions.

[lolar2]

Congrats!

DH has a bit of phone phobia. It's mostly gotten better over the years, but sometimes when it's a problem I'll call the person for him with him in the room and do the beginning of the conversation, and then when it gets to the part where he has to authorize the account transfer or what-have-you, I hand him the phone so he can do that part. Other times he makes the call but I stay in the room with him for moral support. So you can keep those ideas in mind for your DH to do for you if necessary in the future.