Thanks annettemarie. I have already done all the screening through Compass several times and the only thing I qualify for is heating assitance, if I needed to pay for that on my own.
And yes, I do have many blessings, such as family, so I do have a roof over my head that I don't have to worry about. You are right.
I'm being stubborn because I have worked so hard to get where I'm at and I'm not willing to throw years of work away just because I married a UAV. He's done enough to screw up my life, and this is supposed to be my time to take control of my life back and get ahead.
With regards to job/higher pay. Totally not going to happen. I already make one of the higher wages in the area considering I do not have a college degree. Jobs are non-existent in this area. I have friends who have been trying to get a job for well over a year. My sister graduated with high honors with a Masters degree and she is working at Lowe's. She has seen several head hunters/professional job placement people and they informed her the most she could expect to make if she is able to get a job right now is less than what I am making currently.
I just received a raise. The economy hit my field hard and this is the first we have gotten in two years. If I threaten to leave, they will laugh at me and tell me Good Luck with that because everyone is fully aware of what the job situation looks like in my area and they know they have us and we are thankful to have a job right now and that we all made it through the 100's of lay-offs that happened here.
This is the first job I have had for over two years since getting really ill with fibromyalgia. This is no small feat. And my first record since the begining of my career, prior to getting sick, of a stable job record. I need to stay at this job, as every place looks at job stability (wants to see you at a place for more than two years) in order to qualify for many different loans, etc. This is part of my future planning. This job is helping out my resume tremendously.
The car was purchased long before I ever though of children, and I only have about 1.5 years to pay it off. This is going to help my credit so much!
Bankruptcy... no way. I had to file in my early 20's when I became very ill and absolutely could not work. That bankruptcy is going to fall off my credit this coming April!!!
There is no way in hell I'm going to back track 7 years.
The two loans are also going to be paid off in just a years time... this too is going to help my credit and help me secure a better future for my children.
I just need to figure out how to get through the next year.
Meemee, you are right... I need to stop panicking and trust that everything will work out somehow. It has so far, so I shouldn't lose faith yet. It's incredibly scary when I look at the numbers.
But I simply can't just claim bankruptcy and quit my job, throwing so much away. I've come too far to take that kind of a fall back. I figure in just another two years time things will be so much better.... I just need to get there.
Thank you all for all the advice. I apologize if it seemed I just shot it all out of the water, but obviously you don't know all the backstory and circumstances. I hope the above outlines my situation a little better.
Everything here did help me become more determined to make it all happen somehow... I'm a fighter and a survivor... I will make it work out somehow.