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Oh yes, another financial worry - Help me think outside the box? - Page 3

post #41 of 86
It might not be a bad idea to consider bankruptcy. I know it seems rough but you're not working with a good hand and these huge sacrifices are sometimes necessary. How much over the cutoff for service are you? How many hours a pay period would you need to cut back in order to qualify? You wouldn't be the first woman to have to cut back a bit on income in order to qualify for services when in an impossible situation. In a few years your daycare will lower and you can reassess the situation.
post #42 of 86
What would happen if you stopped working? I know that you don't want to leave your job but if the choice is to keep your job but pay so much in childcare or leave your job and actually have money to live every month, I think my choice would be to quit. I'm not a single parent but my DH does pay a big chunk of his check in CS every month. When the baby I'm cooking gets here, if we can't find affordable childcare, I'm probably going to have to quit work.
post #43 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
The one was for his car... and it doesn't work that way. We were married and it's considered our debt equally. Already asked lawyer about it. It is what it is.

The car insurance does include his car, which he is paying for as part of that $175/month.

Mine would be around $85 or something with him off it. I have a clean record. I don't know why it's that high. I have a 2005 Hyndai Sonota But I've had it quoted elsewhere and it came to the same price.
But then *your* car loan would be half his debt equally, too. There's no reason you pay half of "his" marital debt, plus all of "your" marital debt--either both of you pay half of it all, or you split up the debts/loans and each pay your own deal.
post #44 of 86
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ione View Post
But then *your* car loan would be half his debt equally, too. There's no reason you pay half of "his" marital debt, plus all of "your" marital debt--either both of you pay half of it all, or you split up the debts/loans and each pay your own deal.
My car isn't part of marital debt because I bought it before him and I were married.
post #45 of 86
Does your dad have a problem with watching just one of the kids? It sounds like two will overwhelm him. Can he continue to watch just one of them, effectively cutting your daycare costs in half??
post #46 of 86
Another vote for bankruptcy and quiting your job.

Unless you can increase your income, by working more hours or doing some wah then you don't have enough money to live unless good and cheap childcare materializes. With your health situation this doesn't seem like a good idea.

Get out from the debt and consider not working for a couple of years. If you got rid of the debt and quit your job you wouldn't need childcare. You could live on CS, perhaps some odd jobs, and you would then qualify for WIC and foodstamps. I'm not sure--you may need some income to get the EIC but that is a wonderful thing.

Is disability an option?

Then when your daughter is in kindy, you could see about getting back in the work force. Sooner if you have a public pre-k or more at 4 program.

Also, a used car like a Honda can be cheap and reliable. My '98 Honda CRV has never broken down.
post #47 of 86
I just wanted to say that I know when you're in the situation none of the solutions seem attractive or workable. I think the underlying principle of single parenting is that you just do what you have to do to make it work. Life does go on and it gets better.
post #48 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
My car isn't part of marital debt because I bought it before him and I were married.
Ok, but if you're paying for half of his car debt, then who has his car? If the loan is marital debt then the car is marital property and you would be owed half of its value as an asset. Is that enough to pay off your car?
post #49 of 86
Have you looked into private in-home daycare? That can be significantly cheaper than a daycare center, and it can be really high quality. I've had DS in an in-home daycare since he was little bitty, and I've been really happy with the care he's received. You could easily save about $400 per month that way.
Also, what time does your mom get home? Would you actually need full-time daycare, or could you find a way to make it part time?
Also, a lot of church daycares do have a sliding income scale.
Daycare is your one huge expense, and I think it would be really wise to try to get that a lot cheaper.
post #50 of 86
Since your ex is responsible for half of child care costs, his car loan & his share of car insurance then it seems you should be fine. I assume your parents help with food. You clearly. You clearly don't want to downsize or file bankruptcy but you have more money to work with then most people.
post #51 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oh the Irony View Post
Another vote for bankruptcy and quiting your job.

Unless you can increase your income, by working more hours or doing some wah then you don't have enough money to live unless good and cheap childcare materializes. With your health situation this doesn't seem like a good idea.

Get out from the debt and consider not working for a couple of years. If you got rid of the debt and quit your job you wouldn't need childcare. You could live on CS, perhaps some odd jobs, and you would then qualify for WIC and foodstamps. I'm not sure--you may need some income to get the EIC but that is a wonderful thing.

Is disability an option?

Then when your daughter is in kindy, you could see about getting back in the work force. Sooner if you have a public pre-k or more at 4 program.

Also, a used car like a Honda can be cheap and reliable. My '98 Honda CRV has never broken down.
I really don't suggest doing this. It is not that easy to get a job right now and it may get harder not easier. Odd jobs aren't something that just come along either. I just spent six months being totally without any income besides what I had in savings and it was very stressful. I have a bachelor's degree and a good work history and it still took that long and more than 50 applications to school districts and more than that to lower paying jobs that don't require education before I got a job, I only got 4 interviews during that time also and 2 of them were for Americorps jobs. I don't think you should do anything hasty like quitting your job and living on money that may or may not come.

Bankruptcy isn't free and it doesn't sound like you qualify for a free lawyer so I don't think you should go down that road. It sounds like you don't have much debt beyond your car and you are close to paying it off. You may be able to go to the people who made the loan and get the payment cut down so you have some extra money to work with.

Have you applied for Section 8 Housing? That tends to have a higher income limit than foodstamps and daycare subsidy. Some apartments have Section 8 money that is associated just with them and the waiting list is shorter on them. I have heard that the apartments that have a waiting list in our area often say they have a six month wait but really get people in after only a few weeks in many cases. Section 8 has a long waiting list in some areas but it is really nice when you finally come to the top.

You are in a tough situation. Trying to figure out how to cut corners isn't easy and it creates a lot of stress. It is hard to figure out where the corners are when you don't see any. Try to breathe, take some time to not think about this, then return to it in a week. You may find that you can see where the corner is once you come to it.
post #52 of 86
Would your dad be more willing to babysit if you paid him 1000 a month?? You say they need the money.
post #53 of 86
Thread Starter 
I have looked into home daycares. I called about half a dozen of those as well. They are the same price, and sometimes even more. Again, this is simply what daycare costs in my area.

I have not found any church daycares, however.

Avani, I'm not sure why you think I have it so easy? I posted my budget... yes I have a car payment, which may seem like an unnecessary luxury to you, but when you live in a place that does not have public transit, it quickly turns into a neccessity in order to get to work and the grocery store, etc.

My STBX may be responsible for half of daycare, but since he pays CS elsewhere as well, I likely won't get the full amount of half.



Dad really only will be here roughly 2 hours alone with both kids, and with any luck they will be sleeping all or most of that 2 hours before my Mom gets home from work. My Mom is then with them for a couple hours before she takes them to daycare so she can sleep. That is how I have it at part time daycare right now.

Dad threw a wrench into the works this morning when he started panicing over handling two kids vs just one. And, his buissness isn't doing so well and he may need to actually go get a job somewhere, meaning he may not even be able to be here in the morning before Mom gets home.
post #54 of 86
where in PA are you?
post #55 of 86
I haven't read the whole thread, but what about asking your employer to lower your pay? Explain your situation and try to get a pay cut. Just enough so you qualify. They might be very willing.

Tjej
post #56 of 86
If you go to this website, it will tell you every bit of public help in PA that you could possibly qualify for, including medical and child care help.

Also, you seem reluctant to say where you are in PA, and honestly, on a public forum I don't blame you. But if you want to PM me I might have some other ideas for you.
post #57 of 86
You asked us to help you look outside of the box. You aren't. You shoot down every. Single. Suggestion. You are still in the box. You have a great income, pay next to nothing in rent, no utilities, get child support, help with daycare and costs. Look stall that you do have because you have so much more then many single moms could ever dream of. Family, child support, good paying job, new car. Look at your blessings and you may be surprised at how everything naturally falls in to place.
post #58 of 86
JSMa,

when are you due?

i know this is not the answer but you need to quit panicking so much. i know. i know. just calm down.

i have been in your exact position. with $50 left over for food.

i hear you about the car. and i totally understand what you are saying about not wanting to sell it.

the key depends on when ds is here.

it is amazing that life has a way of working itself out. it really does. something or the other - a possibility you had never dreamt about could come thru.

where i am there are places that are run by the govt. that is income based. not v. good in my books, but if you qualify you pay nothing. thankfully dd's dc worked with me so i dint have to move dd to that not nice one. are there any like that in your area. the one i looked at was associated with a school in a low income area. however it did not include infant care.
post #59 of 86
As I see it, your basic options are (sorry for stating the obvious):
- increase your income
- decrease your expenses

IDEAS TO INCREASE YOUR INCOME
- lower pay to qualify for government aid
- PP gave good suggestions on fully exploring what you aid you might qualify for, including food stamps, WIC etc
- find a higher paying job or get a raise (my biggest pay raises have always come from job jumping or the threat to job jump--with other job offer in hand, my existing employer was often willing to counter/match the offer)--but obviously you would need to figure in how it affects your CS
- take a second job (although I think you said you couldn't because of your health)

IDEAS TO DECREASE YOUR EXPENSES
- find a fellow mom who wants to watch other kids to earn a side income--in my area they abound on craigslist.com--this will be cheaper than a daycare
- restructure your work hours to better mesh with your parents' schedule (assuming they are willing) and thus require fewer hours of childcare
- find a job with different work hours that works better with your parents' schedule/availability to watch your kids for free
- find a job with onsite, subsidized childcare (this exists in my area for selected companies)
- find subsidized childcare (exists in my area for low income families, although waiting list is long)
- I'm not going to get into the car, but including it on this list for completeness's sake
- renegotiating loans/"marital assets" with the ex--you might own half the car he's driving and thus be responsible for half the payment, but by that token he should buy you out of your half. If he doesn't, he should agree to assume the entire car payment.
post #60 of 86
Thread Starter 
Thanks annettemarie. I have already done all the screening through Compass several times and the only thing I qualify for is heating assitance, if I needed to pay for that on my own.

And yes, I do have many blessings, such as family, so I do have a roof over my head that I don't have to worry about. You are right.

I'm being stubborn because I have worked so hard to get where I'm at and I'm not willing to throw years of work away just because I married a UAV. He's done enough to screw up my life, and this is supposed to be my time to take control of my life back and get ahead.

With regards to job/higher pay. Totally not going to happen. I already make one of the higher wages in the area considering I do not have a college degree. Jobs are non-existent in this area. I have friends who have been trying to get a job for well over a year. My sister graduated with high honors with a Masters degree and she is working at Lowe's. She has seen several head hunters/professional job placement people and they informed her the most she could expect to make if she is able to get a job right now is less than what I am making currently.

I just received a raise. The economy hit my field hard and this is the first we have gotten in two years. If I threaten to leave, they will laugh at me and tell me Good Luck with that because everyone is fully aware of what the job situation looks like in my area and they know they have us and we are thankful to have a job right now and that we all made it through the 100's of lay-offs that happened here.

This is the first job I have had for over two years since getting really ill with fibromyalgia. This is no small feat. And my first record since the begining of my career, prior to getting sick, of a stable job record. I need to stay at this job, as every place looks at job stability (wants to see you at a place for more than two years) in order to qualify for many different loans, etc. This is part of my future planning. This job is helping out my resume tremendously.

The car was purchased long before I ever though of children, and I only have about 1.5 years to pay it off. This is going to help my credit so much!

Bankruptcy... no way. I had to file in my early 20's when I became very ill and absolutely could not work. That bankruptcy is going to fall off my credit this coming April!!! There is no way in hell I'm going to back track 7 years.

The two loans are also going to be paid off in just a years time... this too is going to help my credit and help me secure a better future for my children.

I just need to figure out how to get through the next year.

Meemee, you are right... I need to stop panicking and trust that everything will work out somehow. It has so far, so I shouldn't lose faith yet. It's incredibly scary when I look at the numbers.

But I simply can't just claim bankruptcy and quit my job, throwing so much away. I've come too far to take that kind of a fall back. I figure in just another two years time things will be so much better.... I just need to get there.

Thank you all for all the advice. I apologize if it seemed I just shot it all out of the water, but obviously you don't know all the backstory and circumstances. I hope the above outlines my situation a little better.

Everything here did help me become more determined to make it all happen somehow... I'm a fighter and a survivor... I will make it work out somehow.
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