is it weird that I still don't like being separated from my 13 month old?

[CassnBeth]

I know what I would say to someone else asking this question but could I get some affirmation anyway? -- Is it okay that I still don't like being separated from my baby? Even though she is 13 months old? I don't mean I don't like leaving her with a strange sitter; I mean I don't like leaving her with anyone, even my mom. It's not that I think anyone would be doing something unkind to her or that she wouldn't be okay without me for an hour or two or that no one else could take her of her but...I just feel strange being without her. Like it's unnatural?

[Knitting Mama]

I don't think that's strange, and I am 100% positive I will be the same way when Cecilia is your baby's age. In fact, I have had to gently remind my in-laws on several occasions that we won't be ready for any babysitting until well over a year, which they find to be very odd. But it's just sort of how I as a parent. I don't even know when I will feel confident leaving Cecilia with my husband. I'm just really not ready for separation!!

ETA: I think the big thing is that I have no desire to have "alone" time that doesn't include Cece. I don't want her away from me at all!

[SunRise]

I always wanted to be with my first baby. Carried him everywhere, brought him every where.

I did have to go to work, and often when I walked him into his daycare room (at 18 months+), I would sit at his little breakfast table (w/ the other toddlers) and linger for as long as I could, just to be with him.

Now I have baby # 2 (7 years later) and I wonder if I am a bit detached (laugh) as I am easily able to let other people hold her and it seems way easier to leave her (with papa) and go do something else.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

My kids are almost 2 and 3. Sometimes I have to keep from crying while at work during the day, because I miss them so much. Course sometimes reading stuff here doesnt really help. I get so excited to see them on the drive home sometimes I have to watch my speed.

I suspect you'll still feel that way when they are 5,10, 15 and so on.

ETA I am the ONLY parent that I know of that sticks around during morning drop offs, rather then drop and run.

[Pepper44]

I feel the same way. I never, ever wanted to be away from my first baby. Not even for a second. Looking back I wonder if the intensity of those feelings had to do with the hospital taking her away for hours at a time for the mandatory nursery times right after her birth.

With my second baby (born at home and never taken away) I have no desire to be away from her, but at the same time I don't have that intense need to be near her 24/7 either. I'm ok with leaving her in the house with DH for 15 minutes while I do chores outside, and I think once she doesn't need to nurse constantly I'll be alright leaving her with my mom for an hour or two if I have to.

But I think it's totally normal to not want to be away from your children! In our society people encourage you to not foster dependence or whatever. I don't buy into that.

[RiverSky]

I don't think that's weird at all. I felt the same with both of my two children, though I did very rarely leave them with a family member to be watched while DH and I went out (every 6 months maybe?). Now I'm pregnant with my 3rd and I am pretty certain I will feel the same way. I've got the entire rest of my life to go out without my children and only a little bit of fast-flying and fleeting time to spend with them, before they grow. I want to be there as much as I possibly can.

[KempsMama]

DS1 is almost two and a half, I SAH, but when he's with anyone else but DH I still feel strange. He goes to sleep overs at cousins houses (always by his choice) and I feel....something similar to when you forget your wedding ring on the kitchen sink at home, just like something is missing. I always miss him when he's not around.

My DH recently tore his rotator cuff, and since he's in a wheelchair and I'm very pregnant this presented quite the challenge for us. My mom took DS for five days, omg I thought I was going to lose my mind every morning when I'd wake up and remember he wasn't home. It was necessary, and he was well cared for and had a blast, but I still missed him like the dickens!

I have several friends who don't understand that feeling-but I tend to think I'm the normal one and there's something off with them.

[SunRise]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

My kids are almost 2 and 3. Sometimes I have to keep from crying while at work during the day, because I miss them so much. Course sometimes reading stuff here doesnt really help. I get so excited to see them on the drive home sometimes I have to watch my speed.

I suspect you'll still feel that way when they are 5,10, 15 and so on.

ETA I am the ONLY parent that I know of that sticks around during morning drop offs, rather then drop and run.

My son went to Montessori at age 3+ and part of their thing was that the parent stayed in the car and the teacher got the child out of the car and took them into the school. I HATED that. I always wanted to walk my son in... during in 2nd and 3rd year, we were often late so I DID get to walk him in and then I volunteered to walk the kids from the main room to their class rooms - again, lingering at school to spend a few more precious moments w/ him

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

I've got the entire rest of my life to go out without my children and only a little bit of fast-flying and fleeting time to spend with them, before they grow. I want to be there as much as I possibly can.

Exactly!!!

[mom2happy]

It's completely natural. You want to protect and care for your baby.
I dont like to leave any of mine. In the last 7 yrs I can probably count on both hands the # of times Ive left them (not counting school, which also makes me uneasy). Im lucky though because the elementary school is up the street and I can see it from my deck.

[dakotablue]

I'm so glad you started this thread. This is how I still feel about DS (he's 9 months) I am ok about leaving him with Dh for quick errands, but call every 5-10 mins (I don't time it just realized when I looked back at the times of calls) once I think I made it 15 minutes.

DS is 9 1/2 months. At Dh's cousins wedding (DS 7 months) there were four babies, mine, one from FL that stayed and the other two (4 months and a very very preemie, almost died, born the size of a barbie doll, 7 months old) went away to grandparents houses. I don't know how they did it the thought freaks me out. I know that the one cousin, typical birth went out for the night (dinner and a movie) when the baby was 3 weeks old.

MIL says she never felt that way about her kids and knows no one who did/does either. I know people that do, but its nice to be reaffirmed I'm not crazy.

PS: The preemie was born 26 weeks, she is now ok, had been off oxygen for two weeks before wedding and all remaining now is probably eye surgery. The wedding was in May.

[Katie T]

If your strange then I am a freak lol. I don't like being away from my 2yo lol. I know she would be taken care of and loved by the certain family members I would leave her with but I just don't want to leave her period. My DH and I hadn't been out in over 4 yrs and I had to have surgery so we did that whole thing then went and ate at a buffet just so we could get some time alone when we waited for my prescription to fill. I DON'T like leaving them.

We are meant to be with our babies/kids and you are just listening to what your body is telling it. It needs your baby close.

[Artichokie]

I didn't leave my DD even once until she was 12 mo old. She literally came everywhere I went. Once she was a year I started leaving her with DH on occasion, but she still has never had a babysitter or stayed with a family member and she is 2.5.

[zannster]

I often had mixed feelings dropping DS off at preschool when he was younger. I *needed* some alone time and time to get things done, but it felt very odd leaving him with someone else. Also, during my prolonged labor and hospital stay following DD's birth, DS slept completely away from me for the first time...we were apart for days, with only short visits. That was weird too. I can't say I never want time away from my kids, because 24/7 is too much for me, but I relate to your feelings.

[CassnBeth]

This is all very reassuring -- thank you! Please keep these coming!

Before my daughter was three months old and I stopped fighting this impulse, I left her with my wife a few times but it never really worked. It's not a break if you spend the whole time wishing you were home, you know? And I'm an introvert so I do need alone time but I'm much happier getting it while Claire is sleeping.

[Jenivere]

If your weird then I'm crazy; my daughter is 17 months (my fourth child) and I get antsy leaving her. Her dad is the only person I am comfortable leaving her with for an extended time. He watches her for 3-4 hours once a week so I can go to a quilting class.

[Pookietooth]

I don't think that's strange, I was the same way for a long, long time with ds. I still feel sometimes a bit odd about his going out with dh without me, although there is also a relief feeling,

[~Demeter~]

My almost 3 year old has never been away from me for longer than an hour and half. My 3 older boys aren't away from me much, either.. though obviously as they have aged (15, 11, and almost 9) they have naturally separated from me. Between 3 and 5 is when all of mine started to become ok with being away from me... I never pushed them before they were ready. There's nothing wrong with you at all.. you are truly following your and your baby's cues.

[laughingfox]

It's not weird at all. I'm the same way. I don't think DH and I went anywhere without DD1 until she was about 4, and we only did it then because she asked if she could go to g-ma's house.
I get told that I'm not normal all the time, but there's a pretty wide range of normal, and whatever works for your family and makes you feel good is totally "normal".