Giving parenting compliments without being condescending - Page 2

[AllisonR]

Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee
sometimes all you need is a look or a smile.

Originally Posted by gcgirl

This is what I do. Especially when the parent in question is getting nasty stares from OTHER people.

This is what I do as well. When I see a mom trying to get on with screaming kids or whatever, I often smile, because it I realize how easily this could have been me and my kids instead. Plus, if I'm really snarkly, I give a judgmental frown to the "frownie" - yea, pretty petty to judge the judgmental, but it really irks me. Sometimes I think people forget that they themselves were also once a child.

[mtiger]

As parents, we all like to hear nice things about our kids and/or our parenting, no matter how old or young they are. I'm always touched when people say something - even though my kids are 16 & 18. I hear it at work a lot - my oldest works with me p/t, and my youngest helps out when we really need an extra body - how polite they are, what hard workers, etc. A couple of months ago, we were out for lunch. An older couple stopped at our table and told all three of us how nice it was to see a family like ours - everyone smiling, laughing, enjoying each other's company. Made me feel good.

So don't forget those with older kids. We appreciate compliments, too!

[Marsupialmom]

It is situation.

We i see a frustrated mom that had a tantrumming child, getting those looks from other people. I just smile, told her those are the hard days, they grow out of it.

I have smile and said, "We have all been there. They do go out of it."

Once, there was a screaming toddler and a very frustrated mom. I smile, told her it could be worse. You could be in the family restroom -- got a huh look. Then explained that most family restrooms in the area have a sensor on them for screaming, in case of emergency. Security comes or calls to check in on you. My toddler discovered this and screamed bloody murder in every bathroom we went into for months. She left smiling and laughing.

Once we were a new mom of twins, 3, and 6 year old. This was her first trip out without someone else. We were in line. The twins started crying and the three year old darted off. I told her to get her son, we (ds and I) would calm the babies. She had these old bats say very loudly a good mom wouldn't have brought them out. I loudly said, "And only old bats would be rude enough to comment and not help." That got a lot of snorts from other customers. She got her toddler, we helped her out to her car.

[Latte Mama]

I was in the supermarket with DS once chatting "with" (to) him and a woman said to me
"It's so good to hear a Mom speak nicely to her child intead of yelling at them. So sweet that you're having a conversation with him". That made me feel good but kind of bad for all the kids getting yelled at!

[mumkimum]

Of the short admirations I've gotten, I do like "Your kids are just wonderful/You're doing a wonderful job with your kids". It's a little more special than anything we hear on their features or behavior (which are nice too, but totally random and not in anyone's control).

I think the nicest things I've heard are from a lady at our nearby TJ, who once just gave me some roses when I was checking out, and goes out of her way to help me to the car or with the groceries whenever we're there. Help (even small stuff) is so infrequently given that it's always appreciated.

[musikat]

I am one of the moms who frequently gets the "looks and frowns." I have three boys (8, 6 and 3) and while all three together are a loud noisy handful at the best of times, the 8YO is also ADHD and of course the younger two take their cues from him. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to explain to him that places like grocery stores and restaurants are not play areas! Just the other day we were in a fast-food mexican restaurant and he and his 6yo brother were running around play fighting -- despite several admonishments from me -- while I was frantically trying to clean up and leave. An older couple turned around and glared at them and me several times.

I constantly feel judged and critiqued, so anytime someone says anything nice it is a great surprise and a boost to my self confidence. So, from the other side, I think your post is wonderful and a reminder to us all to reach out to other parents who may be struggling.

[liliaceae]

Originally Posted by VillageMom6

Oh, you've got me crying in remembrance of the sweetest thing ever...

When my first four children were all little, we were eating dinner at a Perkins. I was overwhelmed and suffering from PPD and I noticed this older couple staring at us throughout the meal.

They would look at us and whisper to each other. Gosh darn it, couldn't they just leave us alone?! I knew that we had a lot of children and we were an oddity. But QUIT STARING!

They finished their dinner and got up to leave. To my horror, I realized that they were going to stop by our table. OMG, they were going to say something mean-spirited, I just knew it.

Sure enough, they stopped at our table. The wife handed me a paper rose that she had fashioned out of a napkin. I can't even remember exactly what she said, but it was something kind about my family... how she had had four children, too.

This was ten years ago. I still have that paper rose. And I pray for that precious woman frequently. Her words... whatever they were... boosted my spirits when I was feeling overwhelmed.

If one act of supreme kindness could be enough to get a person into Heaven, I beg the Lord to let her paper rose cover any sins she may have commited.

That is so sweet!

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

How nice.

It's slightly different. But, one day, this little baby toddled up to me at a sunday school performance, and kept putting her hand on my knee, and trying to woo me with her charm. She was as bald as a beach ball. But, had a giant hair bow GLUED to her big bald head.

She put her hand up to her bow and the glue kinda stuck to her fingers, and her bow started to fall off. I tried to help put it back on the same spot, but it kept tipping.

So, I said "Well, you have the most beautiful head anyway... God didn't cover it up with hair because it's so perfect!" She just beamed at me. In a heart melting smile, and tried to sit in my lap. I had NO idea where this baby's parents were. So, I was thinking "Oh, these people are going to think I'm trying to steal her".

Turned out they were behind me, and her mom started to cry. Apparently, the little girl had just finished her last round of Chemo, and Mom had been extremely depressed about the baby's hair. (or lack thereof) At first I was mortified and SOOO devastated that I had said that. But, later she told me it was the most perfect thing. She needed to hear that exact thing at that exact moment.

I still think it was an odd thing for me to say, but I guess it helped.

Awww that was the perfect thing to say! So great that the mama got to hear that.