My daughter seems to have inherited conflicting personality traits from me and my dh.
She has an highly sensitive nervous system like I do, but even more so.
She has always kind of "flipped out" about smells, sounds, sights, temperatures.......
I used to think something was very wrong with her when she was a toddler because she used to scream and lie on the floor inconsolably from certain smells. I didnt realize what it was and how to fix it until she was about 4.
She has a hard time tolerating a lot of things, but is learning to deal.
She is incredibly shy at school, but does well and has friends.
She's extremely artistic and has always been incredibly focused on what she is doing. She has very adult like conversations and is a deep thinker.
I am like this too and was as a child, but not to this extreme so I know how to deal with this and can empathize with her "hard time" in situations that are so easy for everyone else (heart racing, red cheeks, deer in the headlites looks, inablility to participate...
But- she also has this explosive uncontrollable anger that I cant relate to and have tried every way and so many books to try to help.
She spends little time with and doesnt like my mil, however I can see that she behaves in a lot of the ways mil does from what Ive heard from Dh (and dh used to- he learned to control himself when he realized I would be done with him years ago)
Mil and Dh have a history of completely losing it and screaming, yelling, throwing things in a pretty disgusting way. Thats the way she taught him to deal with things and with some help Dh has learned better coping strategies.
Its an intense wicked looking anger and almost temporary insanity!!
WHen dd is having these tantrums its like she is a rabid animal.
She screams and loses it pretty easily and says horrible things.
Today she told her 5 yr old little brother that she wishes he was a poop and that she could flush him so he's be gone forever.
She also says she wishes he was dead, she doesnt like him, wishes there was no such thing as him, is going to cut his nose off with scissors...
His existence sometimes is enough just to irk her.
They spend plenty of time playing and loving each other but as soon as she doesnt get her way (she's a bit of a control freak) she flips.
Sometimes just him singing a song or making noises (which he does constantly and is really hard to deal with) makes her lose control.
He is extremely outgoing, full of energy and never stops. I can understand why that is hard for her to deal with, but I cant understand the rage she gets into.
She loves him so much and says things during the day like- look how cute he is when he does that.
During these tantrums I tell her she has to go into her room. I say she cannot scream like that in the house and say she wishes anyone were dead.
She doesnt even look like herself when she's in this state.
Its like shes even making herself sick. She says I cant stop, help me!
I say " you are so angry! I know you are mad.. and so on. I try to validate her feelings and say its ok to beangry but not to say such things. These are the things she says to who ever in the family she's angry at. Then she says its their fault she cant stop saying it.
Its so horrible and hard to be loving when she is acting like the devil.
When she is done, she comes out and says she is sorry and that she didnt mean all those things and that she doesnt know why she cant stop.
Things will be great for weeks and then it starts happening again.
Ds has realized what an impact his little annoying behaviors have on her and for entertainment he has started mimicking what she says.
I tell her to ignore it and tell him to stop but its getting to be impossible.
I also have a new baby and this has been the transition I guess.
Having less time to monitor things and having them both home all day together is a lot for them. They go from being best friends to her screaming at him when he doesnt do exactly what she wants. Then he is left with hurt feeling and a bit of vengeance until she says she's sorry.
Anyway sorry this is so long with terrible punctuation and grammar (nursing while typing and really wanted to get this out)
It really bothers me because Ds never had a mean bone in his body and has really started to get sick of this. He has no choice but to retaliate and THAT is just more than dd can handle.
Anyone have any strategies, consequenses, or GD that helps with rage?
Ive read every book I can find and I know there is always an end to these outbursts and everything is always worked out, but I have to teach her a better way to deal with this.
As Im about to hit submit new thread, they are both peacefully readin on the couch next to each other lol.
She has an highly sensitive nervous system like I do, but even more so.
She has always kind of "flipped out" about smells, sounds, sights, temperatures.......
I used to think something was very wrong with her when she was a toddler because she used to scream and lie on the floor inconsolably from certain smells. I didnt realize what it was and how to fix it until she was about 4.
She has a hard time tolerating a lot of things, but is learning to deal.
She is incredibly shy at school, but does well and has friends.
She's extremely artistic and has always been incredibly focused on what she is doing. She has very adult like conversations and is a deep thinker.
I am like this too and was as a child, but not to this extreme so I know how to deal with this and can empathize with her "hard time" in situations that are so easy for everyone else (heart racing, red cheeks, deer in the headlites looks, inablility to participate...
But- she also has this explosive uncontrollable anger that I cant relate to and have tried every way and so many books to try to help.
She spends little time with and doesnt like my mil, however I can see that she behaves in a lot of the ways mil does from what Ive heard from Dh (and dh used to- he learned to control himself when he realized I would be done with him years ago)
Mil and Dh have a history of completely losing it and screaming, yelling, throwing things in a pretty disgusting way. Thats the way she taught him to deal with things and with some help Dh has learned better coping strategies.
Its an intense wicked looking anger and almost temporary insanity!!
WHen dd is having these tantrums its like she is a rabid animal.
She screams and loses it pretty easily and says horrible things.
Today she told her 5 yr old little brother that she wishes he was a poop and that she could flush him so he's be gone forever.
She also says she wishes he was dead, she doesnt like him, wishes there was no such thing as him, is going to cut his nose off with scissors...
His existence sometimes is enough just to irk her.
They spend plenty of time playing and loving each other but as soon as she doesnt get her way (she's a bit of a control freak) she flips.
Sometimes just him singing a song or making noises (which he does constantly and is really hard to deal with) makes her lose control.
He is extremely outgoing, full of energy and never stops. I can understand why that is hard for her to deal with, but I cant understand the rage she gets into.
She loves him so much and says things during the day like- look how cute he is when he does that.
During these tantrums I tell her she has to go into her room. I say she cannot scream like that in the house and say she wishes anyone were dead.
She doesnt even look like herself when she's in this state.
Its like shes even making herself sick. She says I cant stop, help me!
I say " you are so angry! I know you are mad.. and so on. I try to validate her feelings and say its ok to beangry but not to say such things. These are the things she says to who ever in the family she's angry at. Then she says its their fault she cant stop saying it.
Its so horrible and hard to be loving when she is acting like the devil.
When she is done, she comes out and says she is sorry and that she didnt mean all those things and that she doesnt know why she cant stop.
Things will be great for weeks and then it starts happening again.
Ds has realized what an impact his little annoying behaviors have on her and for entertainment he has started mimicking what she says.
I tell her to ignore it and tell him to stop but its getting to be impossible.
I also have a new baby and this has been the transition I guess.
Having less time to monitor things and having them both home all day together is a lot for them. They go from being best friends to her screaming at him when he doesnt do exactly what she wants. Then he is left with hurt feeling and a bit of vengeance until she says she's sorry.
Anyway sorry this is so long with terrible punctuation and grammar (nursing while typing and really wanted to get this out)
It really bothers me because Ds never had a mean bone in his body and has really started to get sick of this. He has no choice but to retaliate and THAT is just more than dd can handle.
Anyone have any strategies, consequenses, or GD that helps with rage?
Ive read every book I can find and I know there is always an end to these outbursts and everything is always worked out, but I have to teach her a better way to deal with this.
As Im about to hit submit new thread, they are both peacefully readin on the couch next to each other lol.
"Hi, you can call me Mr. G, I want to be your friend", but the rest is excellent.
Our story is long, and we are on the other side of it, but at age 7 we were in family counseling to deal with her rage (also had an infant at the time--aggravating the situation), and that it how the counselor summed it up: she got my sensitivities and dh's confrontation. Result: in your face rage. Gah!
Reading along as my 5 y.o. occassionally has problems with this, as do I 
. I have learned a lot and have changed a lot to improve my own behaviour and self-control, but there ARE times when I lose it. Example: life with a newborn, sleep deprivation, we've all been caged in the house on a Saturday, it's the evening and the two girls are fighting AGAIN, hitting, both yelling, have tried numerous times to teach/redirect/distract/separate them, etc. Finally during a very loud episode I just lose it and shout, "BE QUIET! GO UPSTAIRS TO YOUR ROOM!" at the top of my voice. 
