Putting son in daycare...need support

[littlecappy2010]

My son and I currently survive on $300 a month plus WIC/ foodstamps. We live in subsidized housing and our rent comes out of that $300. He is on special formula due to severe food allergies and it costs $40 per can. I often have to buy extra cans at the end of the month b/c it is all he can eat and WIC only provides 7 cans. So our situation is dire at best.
But I LOVE being at home with my son... it has been worth the struggle.
Here is the situation:
I have been offered my dream job, working for a lovely single mom in a centuries old home. It will be set up like a home but we are a non profit thrift store, giving everything back to the community. She promised me a wage that will fully support my son very comfortably. I love the environment there, my potential boss is a wonderful, fair woman. It is a job that I would love.
BUT the hours are 9-6 M-F. I can't imagine leaving my son for 9 hours a day when I am all that he has known. Literally, I have no one. He has woken up to me every morning, every nap. He is my heart.
I toured the "best" daycare in town and was disappointed. The kids had snot running down their faces, the workers seemed less than enthused. How long does it take to wipe a kids nose, kwim? I live in a small rural town and the prospects for infant care are slim. (son is 7 months) I think about the job and I am elated, then I think about leaving my baby and my stomach just sinks.
For those working mamas who must leave your children in a daycare environment, how do you get yourselves in the right brain space? I know what I need to do, but it seems overwhelming. I could keep struggling and stay broke and anxious about money all the time, or work and have money but stay anxious about my son being in daycare.
Please give me some advice, I have to tell her if I want the position in a week or so.
Fwiw my son is a very social baby who loves being around people, so ina sense I do think he might enjoy daycare..... but think of everything I will miss just for the sake of money. It's killing me.

[texmati]

would you consider alternate care? Perhaps a sitter or a nanny? I'm not ready for day care or preschool just yet, but I"m ok leaving my son with our current sitter.

[littlecappy2010]

I should mention that I will receive help with daycare through the government so I won't be able to afford it on my own. It will have to be a licensed provider..

[lyterae]

I'm not a single mama, but I am a working mama. I toured our available daycare centers and was not impressed. We found a home daycare provider that has worked wonderfully for us. Have you looked to see if you have options that are not "center" based? In Michigan there are licensed family and group home providers.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I was terrified when I first had to find outside care for DD. I just kept interviewing until I found someone that felt like a good fit to me. When she became not so great a fit, I went on more interviews until I found a place I felt comfortable with and that DD had fun at too. You can tell a lot from how your LO interacts there.

I'm not sure about your state's laws, but I know right on the PA website for childcare help, it does say that in home places can go through a process to be accepted as a place you can send your child to and still get the help.

So it may be possible for you to interview/look into home daycare or a nanny/sitter as options as well, if you aren't comfortable with a center setting yet for your LO. Check your state's guidelines.

[Halfasianmomma]

I second (or third) the home daycare option...if it's available in your area. Perhaps there's another young mama who's thinking of starting it up and only wants to take a few kids.

I found a young mama who was just starting her home daycare, and she only had 4 kids to start with. It was a vegetarian organic daycare. She had an awesome helper as well. The meals were cooked from fresh foods daily. The babies were always in arms or in a carrier. She supported extended breastfeeding and didn't bat an eye when I nursed DD at drop off and pick up. DD was 10 months when she started at this daycare, and through it, she learned to eat purees, sleep away from me, to toddle around and to socialize.

[doubledutch]

have you asked her about the possibility of bringing your baby to work with you? i think that really depends on the baby (and the work) but if he would be happy spending the day alternating between a playpen and a carrier, and you would be able to focus on working, then it might be an option.

[One_Girl]

I think you should tour some of the other centers. The snot thing wouldn't bother me because kids that age often have snot and sometimes it is hard to get to them when it happens while both workers are changing, feeding, or redirecting another child. A smaller center or another center may have more enthusiastic employees. When I was looking for care the first time I felt very guilty about needing daycare and that really colored how I saw things until I recognized that and tried to focus on being fair in my evaluation. I have been very happy with my dd's daycares and she has been happy to be in them. It is hard to get over the guilt of not being the stereotypical SAHM, but it is what is best for us at this point.

[rhiOrion]

I'm not a single mom, but have put DD in daycare.

The first couple of days were HARD. After I dropped her off that first day I sat in my car and sobbed uncontrollably. The second day was just a bad day all-around. By the third day I wasn't sobbing. Now, on my third or fourth week of it I still hate it, and I still miss her horribly all day long, but it's getting easier.

She's in a center, but a relatively small center. They have one infant room with 8 infants and 2 workers. So a 4:1 ratio, which is decent.

That first week I went and nursed her at lunch every day, so I got to see a bit of their daily routine. Do babies sometimes cry by themselves? Of course. Two people can't be everywhere at once. But as soon as they got the kid they were working with at the moment taken care of, they went straight to the crying kid. My mom picked dd up the other day and arrived 30 minutes earlier than I had told them she was going to, and she said they were sitting on the floor playing with all the kids who were awake at that time. I liked hearing that, since they didn't know she'd be there then.

They never batted an eye at me nursing her at lunch (I don't normally nurse at d/o and p/u just because I live so close).

It's not the shiniest fanciest daycare out there, but honestly I'd rather they spend time with my DD than constantly cleaning. It's sanitary, and that's all that matters to me.

And they tell me things they notice about her, which to me means they're paying attention. They mentioned how much she likes to bear weight on her legs, and how much more she's "talking" recently. Things like that.

The two times I've gotten there and she was fussing she was in arms. I've never gotten there and seen her eyes all red and puffy as though she'd been screaming for a prolonged period of time.

I just wanted to give you some reassurance that there are good day cares out there. The home based one I toured I hated. I wanted to like it because it was recommended to me, and I was feeling nervous about finding day care. But honestly, I really didn't. But I did like this center.

So... in summary: It's really difficult, but if you find a day care you like, it's doable.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by littlecappy2010

For those working mamas who must leave your children in a daycare environment, how do you get yourselves in the right brain space? I know what I need to do, but it seems overwhelming.

That's how right there. You have to take care of their needs so you suck it up and do what is required.

There are lots of alternatives to mainstream daycare but...there are plenty of daycares available wherein the children are cared for properly. Don't write off all daycares solely because of one tour or your own fears. Your son will be fine with whatever situation you choose; children are very resilient. It's the adults who are more inflexible...

[GranoLLLy-girl]

The job that you are describing sounds very off-the-beaten path of what you might expect to find in a "job".
Is there a way that you could bring him there? It would seem that if you set him up in a playpen area and when customers came in, you could tend to them--can you at least propose this to the person you might be working for?
It would seem that this would be the best of both worlds if you let her know that you will be sure to keep on top of all the work while he is there with you. And you might even suggest that she reduce your pay a little bit (obviously not by much--but maybe a few cents per hour?) so that it makes you sound serious about the job.
I mean, it can't hurt to ask--and at least this way the person hiring you will understand your situation.
Frankly, I think having the baby there would be a nice ice-breaker for folks who come in. You might want to mention that.
I gotta say though, nine hours a day five days a week is a little much with a new baby--but I know that people do what they HAVE to do to get by--this much I do understand. But if you don't ask, you'll never know.
Good luck.

[HappyMommy2]

Daycare can be a truly wonderful experience when you find a good one! Great teachers, great friends, kids learn to take direction from others, etc. I think Goddard Schools are great if that will work with your subsidies. Good luck mama!

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Just wanted to add my vote in for at least proposing bringing your baby to work with you. I worked in a store with my son when he was small, and it is harder, but you bring your sling, and when you need to, you pop baby in the sling and attend to the customers and when the customers are gone, you put baby down, tidy the store, and you are good to go. Pack and Plays are fabulous for naps, and fold down pretty small, and they are also good if you absolutely need to put your baby down for a minute to keep everyone safe and sane.

I also wanted to add that it really will be more than 9 hours as well, unless the daycare is right next door to where you are working. It will likely be more like 9.5 or even 10 hours per day, which is LONG week for a little one. Maybe you can have your baby with you for half days and then run him over to daycare on your lunch break?

I really feel for you mama, I am single and I couldn't stomach the thought of putting my son in a daycare when he was little. I never got onto any waiting lists because I just couldn't even fathom dropping him in any of the places I had toured. I ended up finding jobs that I could work at where I could bring him with me, or I did babysitting/in home daycare at my house so that I could be with him until he was around 2. Now that he is three, I actually look forward to dropping him off at his preschool. He has tons of fun, and I get to not be somebody's mama for a few hours every day. When they are little though, it is just so hard to plunk them in someone's arms that you don't know.

huge hugs.

[provocativa]

In my state it is actually easy to become a registered child care provider (which is different than fully certified) but it allows the babysitter to accept childcare assistance payments from gov't. Here, La Leche League would be the place to find another mom who is desperate to stay home with her baby, and would accept a reduced rate and / or be willing to become a Registered Child Care Provider. The LLL leaders will even send out a mass email to their list. Some homeschool moms would be willing to get the cert. as well.

[doubledutch]

Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl

I gotta say though, nine hours a day five days a week is a little much with a new baby--but I know that people do what they HAVE to do to get by--this much I do understand.

he's 7 months old.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

LOL--seven months old is new to me! LOL--I'm an old lady and my kids are 6 and 8--any baby is "new"...that's why I said that.
Over a year, still new...but not so much! LOL!
It's all about point of view.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by provocativa

In my state it is actually easy to become a registered child care provider (which is different than fully certified) but it allows the babysitter to accept childcare assistance payments from gov't. Here, La Leche League would be the place to find another mom who is desperate to stay home with her baby, and would accept a reduced rate and / or be willing to become a Registered Child Care Provider. The LLL leaders will even send out a mass email to their list. Some homeschool moms would be willing to get the cert. as well.

WOW--how cool is that? Where do you live?
I am in Virginia, I bet you it is harder to that here.
But I don't know. Would be curious to hear!