How far in advance do you plan your LO's Bday parties

[MommatoAandA]

Ok so I had a party for my DD1 in April. It was a small party and last minute. I just sent texts to friends asking them to come and have cupcakes, no gifts. I understood if people didn't come. Meanwhile one friend texts me back and says "had you let me know weeks ago, we coulda came". WHO plans a small informal childrens party WEEKS in advance. That seems a little silly. Maybe I am wrong though.

So fast forward to my 1 year old. I sent out evites yesterday for her party on the 31st (sat at 2 pm). Same friend, I send her a facebook comment to ask if she got it and she said "Yes. I am not sure we will be able to make it." She didn't invite us to her DD's party either. I was hurt because I ALWAYS invite her, (there was an issue with my baby shower and her not being invited and she was hurt, it was an oversight and a pretty bad time in my life all together) Once invited she didnt come to that either? So do people really need WEEKS of advance notice for a party? I mean just decline and be gracious. But I really am wondering if other people give that much notice to their guests?

[Heidi74]

Not sure what's normal, but I am sitting here with birthday invitations to write, as we speak. I plan to get them out tomorrow. DS's party is on the 8th, so 2 1/2 weeks away. That said-I have mentioned it to some people by word of mouth (though some may have forgotten since that was before summer break), but I just realized that it's high time to get the invitations out. Ideally I would have wanted to send them out about three weeks in advance--not sure why I have that timeframe in mind.

I tend to think like you though, that if they can't come it's no big deal. Our party is for a three year old...it's a small thing, at home. It's informal. For an informal party, I don't think it's necessary to get invitations out way in advance.

[CourtBChase]

We sent out invitations for my 1 year old's party a few weeks in advance (maybe 3?). Especially for summer things, or holiday things I really appreciate advance notice, because we are so busy! My family plans everything spur of the moment and so we almost never get to go, because we have already made other plans. But I am probably more of a planner than some other people, so different strokes.

[MommatoAandA]

Yeah I think I am just a last minute kinda person when it comes to events that should be enjoyable. I just stress myself out when there is too much planning involved. LOL So yeah. Whatever. If they want to miss the Moonwalk, FINE. LOL

[Joyster]

In summer, I prefer as much time as possible. We have so much going on, so the fact that I had birthday invites at least a couple weeks ahead of time really helped me out. I try to send out invites with about 3 weeks or so. My oldest DS has a birthday near Halloween and my youngest is a week before xmas, so not a great time for either kids if I'm doing a last minute thing.

[QuestionGal]

in short YES.

Where we live 4 weeks is standard minimum notice for a birthday party...6 is even better. Invites may not go out until 2-3 weeks prior, but we all know about the party beforehand. We'll often get an informal email saying "Hey, we're going to have little johnny's party on Sat the 26th from 3-5pm. More information to follow. Hope you can make it" and we do the same. We are really busy people (just to give you an idea we have most weekends from now until past the holidays planned), we stick to a budget (and it's hard to suddenly "find" money for a gift on short notice)... we feel that more notice is appreciated and give people a better chance to attend (especially those that these events are important to)

I know that I would prefer as much notice as possible as I try to give others that same courtesy.

If your friend is a planner like me I can totally see why she would be frustrated at the lack of notice, especially if she genuinely WANTS to celebrate your DC's birthday but because of prior commitments now can't.

[Tigerchild]

I think it's courteous to inform people a couple of weeks in advance so that they can arrange to come if they wish to. Maybe we just know a lot of people with busy schedules though. We tend to be the most relaxed of our friends (schedule wise) so it's easy for us to pick up and go at the last minute--but some people are not like that, and I have a few friends who get really stressed at last minute stuff. It's just as easy for me to send out invites a couple of weeks early as it is last minute (we always do evite or email or phone call). But...if you are all last minute folks I don't think it's a big deal either way.

I don't get the concept of tit for tat birthday invites though. I see that sort of hurt feelings all the time (so and so didn't invite me to their party, but I invited them to mine!), I can't relate. I don't think birthday parties are obligation returning things. Maybe it's easier for me to think this way because my kids are older, most of the birthday parties they go to or that people have are either at home (so they don't want to invite 26 7 year olds to occupy their small house) or at a paid facility (where there is a cost per head), and since all my kids are at the drop-off age there is the consideration of how many elementary school age kids you want to wrangle by yourself too.

I think you just do your party (guest list, RSVP time, ect.) how you want. Don't take other people's reactions personally. Don't take how other people do their parties personally. People get annoyed when someone does things differently than they would like sometimes--we're human, it happens. It's just a birthday party, and is supposed to be fun for the people in attendance. I think sometimes people overthink this stuff.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by QuestionGal

I know that I would prefer as much notice as possible as I try to give others that same courtesy.

If your friend is a planner like me I can totally see why she would be frustrated at the lack of notice, especially if she genuinely WANTS to celebrate your DC's birthday but because of prior commitments now can't.

Same with me. We got an invite last month for a party that was a week away and I was annoyed by the short notice. It was for a friend that DD1 really wanted to see or else I wouldn't of gone because I had to rearrange our schedule which was already booked for that timeslot. We have some people that we invite for parties that never invite us, that is fine some people do parties differently. We do informal parties and I do inform people weeks in advance, I will just shoot off an email or pick up the phone if I realize I won't have time to get invites out in enough time which usually happens almost everytime!

[Alyantavid]

I try to get invites out 2 weeks in advance. But I've also done shorter notice (but only for family parties). With those I figure they know the day's coming up so it shouldn't be a big surprise.

[buttercup784ever]

I think advanced notice is polite. Whenever I get an invitation, I always feels some obligation to be there. I've been to parties where nobody showed up except for me! Since I make an effort to make an appearance at just about every party we're invited to, I'd like to know in advance so I can plan ahead.

If I got a short notice text invite, the first thing I would think is "most people aren't going to be able to go" so I would feel even MORE that I should go if I can. Kind of annoying.

A friend of mine from work switched her daughter's b-day to the 4th of July at the last minute because of her husband's work schedule. Even though my kids were not really interested in going (my kids are 11 and 7, her's was turning 2), we went anyway because, honestly, we didn't have plans for the day, and I knew most people wouldn't be able to make it. My kids and her two nieces and a nephew were the only kids there.

[homemademom]

I don't mind getting last minute texts for get togethers. I'm assuming that the person understands not everyone will be able to make it and is fine with that. I've done that with my kids when they were 1 or 2 because I know they don't care who shows up. My older kids would be really disappointed with that kind of invitation, though, because they hope that most of their invited friends will be able to make it.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

I try to make sure that invitations arrive at people's houses 2 weeks before the event as that is what I was taught to be proper etiquette.

[ThisCat]

We handed out invitations three weeks in advance for my daughter's fourth birthday as that seems to be pretty customary around here. Actually, we just got an invitation today for a toddler's birthday party that's in just over three weeks.

Occasionally we get some last minute type invites. One time it was because the party really didn't get planned till the last minute. Another time I suspect it's because we got added to the guest list at the last minute even though I kind of would have thought we would have been on it from the beginning. Either way though, it didn't really matter. We went and had a great time.

[NYCVeg]

We gave dd's bday invites out about a month in advance. However, there are a lot of spring birthdays in her class at school, so we were sort of "claiming" the day.

I have no problem with last-birthday invites, but then I think you shouldn't be upset if someone can't come. Many people make weekend plans well in advance, especially in the summer.

[Storm Bride]

Not soon enough, these days.

DS2 is having his party on Saturday. I meant to call family for about two weeks before I findally did. They got about 8 days notice (although I'd given various verbal heads-up over the preceeding weeks). I gave out written invitations to three neighbours on Saturday. I emailed several of ds2's preschool classmates on Saturday. I didn't hear back from most of them, so I called around today. Out of six kids I invited, only two are confirmed, and there's still one I haven't heard from. I'm feeling bummed for ds2, because more of his friends might have been able to come to the party if I'd been more organized. (I had given a couple of them verbal notice before preschool ended, but it was very informal.)

In general, I shoot for about two weeks notice, but for ds2, I'll probably try to give three weeks from here on out. His birthday is the only one in the family that falls in the summer, and I know it's harder for people to plan for that. I'm just hopelessly disorganized of late, and once I finally coordinated the day of the party with my sister (her twins are having a party in the next couple weeks, and we wanted to make sure we didn't get the same day), I didn't get on the invitation part of things quickly enough.

[liberal_chick]

I start planning parties about 2 months in advance and give 2-3 weeks notice to the people we're inviting. We had ds1's 5th birthday party the 3rd weekend in May, I believe, and sent out invites at the very beginning of the month.

[blizzard_babe]

No, but our parties for DS (who's only two) aren't all that big a deal. Like, "Hey, we're gonna eat some yummy food and cake to celebrate DS's birthday, join us if you want." If people can, great, and if not, also fine. It's not a planned, themed event... just us eating food we know DS likes and then letting him open the gifts we've gotten him.

Once he's older and birthdays are more of an "event," we'll sent out invites earlier.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by MommatoAandA

Ok so I had a party for my DD1 in April. It was a small party and last minute. I just sent texts to friends asking them to come and have cupcakes, no gifts. I understood if people didn't come. Meanwhile one friend texts me back and says "had you let me know weeks ago, we coulda came". WHO plans a small informal childrens party WEEKS in advance. That seems a little silly. Maybe I am wrong though.

So fast forward to my 1 year old. I sent out evites yesterday for her party on the 31st (sat at 2 pm). Same friend, I send her a facebook comment to ask if she got it and she said "Yes. I am not sure we will be able to make it." She didn't invite us to her DD's party either. I was hurt because I ALWAYS invite her, (there was an issue with my baby shower and her not being invited and she was hurt, it was an oversight and a pretty bad time in my life all together) Once invited she didnt come to that either? So do people really need WEEKS of advance notice for a party? I mean just decline and be gracious. But I really am wondering if other people give that much notice to their guests?

We need advance notice. I often have things planned on the weekend so dropping plans to go to a birthday party is often not possible. If we can come on short notice we do, but I don't think you should get sarcastic about people needing advance notice to attend a party. My friend and I both work and we often have to plan even our informal playdates for our kids weeks in advance (and even then sometimes our schedules change). If your friend works or has other things she does besides being a SAHM then she may not have the same flexibility to drop everything that you do. I usually plan 3-4 weeks in advance for my dd's birthday parties and send out the invitations 2-3 weeks in advance.

It may be that your friend was trying to be gracious by giving you the reason she couldn't come, not to pick a fight but to let you know that she wanted to come but couldn't because she didn't have time to plan for it. I would feel bad about saying I couldn't come to a my friend's sons party without giving a good reason. Not having enough time to get out of prior obligations is a good reason.

[ChristyMarie]

My son's party is always on a Saturday in July - I send the invites out 4 weeks in advance and ask for an rsvp by one week before the party.

People's lives are busy. People have things scheduled. If they know in advance, they can keep that day open. Especially on a Saturday in the middle of the summer!

I've had close friends ask a couple of months in advance. Just giving each other a heads up as to when a party is so you can coordinate to make sure good friends are there.

As far as the actual planning - year round. I always keep my eye out for stuff for parties. The great thing is that then I often find stuff on clearance.

[Shahbazin]

Wow, this thread has been a real eye-opener for me! We just had our first "birthday party" for our kids (it was our 2nd DD's 3rd birthday, but she still sort of shares festivities with her newly 4 year old sister), which meant that we invited more than their grandparents - ie cousins & their spouses, aunt & uncle, & the neighbor & her kids from across the street. I called a week in advance, & invited them over to our house for cake & ice cream after lunch on the following Sunday - no presents, just show up & hang out for a while if you can. I didn't really do any planning, since I didn't know exactly when my dad would be in town until closer to my DD's birthday, & the only real thing I had to do was add a few items to the grocery list when I shopped the day before. (I had gotten my DD's gift a good bit in advance.)