Single moms--have you been here? What is this?

[GranoLLLy-girl]

My stbx has been such an incredible family man all of these years.
Then last year he went back to school (but continued to work full time) to get his MBA.
During that time, he went to school or did work/homework all the time and drew apart from us.
Then suddenly in May wanted a divorce.
Went to counseling twice--the first time he SEEMED like he wanted to make an effort but then--didn't follow through.
The second he pulled this: I'm just here because I want you not to bad mouth me to the kids when I leave. To which the counselor replied: this session is over, I can't help you.
My stbx was like: what? why?
I mean really--do you have to ask?

At first, he was dying to make ME leave. Then he wanted the kids and was going to fight for them.
Then, suddenly he was like: yeah, go ahead and move to another city AND take the kids. I don't care.

So, I'm AM going to apply for that job and take it if it is offered. And a friend from church whose been in this kind of law for 25 years says: just get that in writing.


But why? Why the sudden change?
I can't imagine that there is someone else----but....maybe?

Who abandons their kids like that? Wth?
Boy would this be a good thing for all of us. He's not really been connected to the kids for a year.
At least this way he could sleep in on weekends. B@stard.

[Avani]

My ex was fairly non existent for four years after i left him and took our four little ones. He showed up a few times threatening and harrassing me but for the most part didn't see or talk to his kids the whole time. He did have a girlfriend, even though he denied it he did. He spent those four years raising her son and their new baby together. He is back on the scene threatening and harrassing and somewhat attempting to see his kids. I think people distance themselves so they don't have to face the music. And the hurt and pain that comes with families breaking up.

[vocalise]

It could be so many different things, and you may never know the answer, but a few possibilities crossed my mind...

depression or another emerging mental health issue
another woman, though that rarely leads to child abandonment, IME
addiction

Hugs to you. It must be awful to be on the receiving end of that kind of inconsistency and personality change. Take care of yourself and your kids, and if your gut is telling you that there is something more than him being a UAV going on here, maybe contact friends or family and gently give them the heads up. He may need help, though I wouldn't advise you getting more involved than that.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Thanks so much, Vo...I think you are totally bang on re: depression or mental health issue.
Addiction, probably not so much.
Another woman...I don't think so...

He won't move out...but he won't speak to me. It's like he's trying to get me to do all the heavy lifting.
I said last night: you need to make a decision and then act on it. Either get counseling (not gonna happen) or make a move. You can't expect me to move out with the little kids in school in tow.

I'm at such a terrible cross-roads in my life. Frankly, either direction is going to be as much work--but sitting in the midst of the chaos is the worst of it.