A little bummed at the moment...

[mommy_mini]

It's been a week and a half since we were officially licensed. We got a phone call around 2:30 this afternoon about a weekend respite care for a 2 year old. We said yes, of course, and they asked us to meet at 4:00 to pick her up. So I wake my 3 yr. dd from nap, tell her she's going to have a little girl to play with for the weekend, get the carseats into place, and head out. My DD is super excited the entire ride and keeps talking about playing with her new friend. We get to DSS, the little girl and her aunt (who is caring for her while parents try to regain custody) shows up 20 min late, which I was ok with, no big deal. After talking with her, the interpreter (aunt speaks spanish), and social worker for about 20 minutes, the aunt ended up changing her mind, saying she just couldn't leave her neice and would take her with her after all. I totally understand her not wanting to leave her and I wasn't upset at all, just a little disappointed. My dd on the other hand is heartbroken and has been crying saying she wanted to play with her friend. Maybe I shouldn't have taken DD to DSS with me, but I didn't have anyone to watch her since the call was so last minute. I can't get DD to stop crying, I keep trying to explain things to her, it's just difficult for them to understand things at this age.
This just seems like a rough first start. The social worker kept apologizing for wasting our time and said she would definitely keep us in mind in the near future. So I hope maybe this will help us get another placement faster. It's hard not to take it personally or think I should have done or said something differently. I know I didn't do anything wrong, it's just a hard first start at fostering.
Anyways, I just needed to vent.... hopefully we'll get a placement soon!

[Sierra]

I'm sorry. Even as an adult and an experienced foster parent, I would still get disappointed when we got calls for respite or emergency placements that were later canceled. There is definitely a let down, and I just feel so badly for your little girl to have taken the ride too. You're right. It is really hard for the little ones to understand.

This is a learning experience. In the future, it wouldn't be a bad idea to find someone to watch your daughter when you go to do pickups. It's okay to say, "I would love to do this, but is there any chance we can delay pickup by an hour..." In most cases, they are not likely to say, "Just forget it" only because you need to delay pickup a little bit. Also, they like to fit things in during the 9-5 workday, sure, but there are plenty of times when they have to stay late for things like this or use the after-hours worker, and that's okay too. The biggest suggestion I'd make is to try to make arrangements in advance with one or two folks who don't live far from you and can come do last minute babysitting for stuff like this. Many people won't mind being "on call" to come babysit for an hour when you go pick up a foster child. People would probably be thankful for the opportunity to support you in your efforts.

Again, I am so sorry this happened. And if it is worth anything, I do think this will help get you your next call faster than it would otherwise.

[mommy_mini]

Thanks for the reply, I hope you're right about the next placement happening sooner. It's also a relief to hear that this happens often with respite care. Our classes never dealt much with respite, as it primarily focused on foster care. So I didn't really even consider that happening.
Another reason I took DD was because the social worker encouraged me and said that it might make transition for the little girl easier if another child was there. But in the long run I guess I need to think about what would also be best for my DD. *Sigh* Hopefully she'll be better tomorrow. I hate seeing her so heartbroken.

[Sierra]

Another way to do it would be to ask if the child can be dropped off in advance of you coming to pick the child up. That way you could bring your dd with you, but by the time you arrive it will be established that the child is definitely coming to your house. Sometimes workers are willing to do this and sometimes not (sometimes the care provider, for example, will really want to meet you), but if you explain to the worker what happened this time, I am sure she or he will be understanding.

[marsupial-mom]

I congratulated you too soon in your other thread. Whoops.

It's all a learning experience. Maybe next time just tell your daughter that you're going to meet someone. Just leave it at that and don't call her a playmate or assume she's coming home with you right then. Our current placement (we hope to adopt him) didn't come home with is the first day we met him. The hospital wanted to keep him one more day. Things like that happen.

It's probably not a good idea to assume the fosterchild will be a playmate either, since foster kids are not always able to play with children their age in appropriate ways.

[hannahgrace]

I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you....but I feel that you will get called quickly. After we said "yes" for the first time but it didn't work out, we got a bunch of calls after that. Being willing and stepping up will get you placements!