mealtime "crazies"

[bananahands]

I need serious help getting mealtime to a better place. The issue is that the kids (5.5 year old twins and a 3 year old) start to get silly, and this quickly escalates into chaos. I could learn to tolerate the low-level silliness if it would just stay there, but instead each child attempts to one-up the others until all three are screeching, fake burping, flinging silverware, shoving food in their mouths, etc. I simply don't know how to derail the pattern. Typically, I try not to respond to small issues, like when my son starts bouncing his fork up and down by pushing on the tines. Or, if I see him doing it, I pick it up and lay it next to his plate, saying "forks are for eating, not for bouncing." But by that time, his sister notices, and starts to bounce her fork, but with an empty bowl on the other end so it's flipping over. Then the 3 year old thinks it's OK to flip her bowl over, but hers is full of food, so now we have a huge mess, which all of them find hysterical. I've tried reacting more strongly to the first hint of what I find to be inappropriate behavior, by removing the child from the table. I usually move them away from the dining room altogether, telling them they can come back when they're ready to eat properly, but that only seems to delay the chaos, not redirect the impulses. (Or by the time I've gotten back to the table the remaining two have something else unraveling.) I've tried distracting them with conversation, but they don't join in. I've tried talking to the older two outside of mealtime, explaining the expectations and how difficult they make it for the family, but in the moment these discussions are forgotten. I'm at a complete loss right now. Short of having each child eat individually and alone -- which I can't see working from a practicality standpoint -- I don't know how to change this destiny. Help!

[meemee]

oh dear reminds me of my bro and me. we used to have sooo much fun over mealtimes. we would take our time so our parents would leave the table and then we would go at it.

i know you have to clean up the mess when kids are truly having a lot of fun with just simple things i have such a hard time breaking it up.

i would start at one thing and limit it to one thing. i wouldnt ban fork play. i would restrict it to doing it only after eating is over. mine loved mixing her milk and water.

i have noticed it with my dd that if instead of forbidding the play i try to limit it she followed instructions better than when i tried to stop it completely. so if i say - first finish eating and then you can play goes down much better.

[crowcaw]

I have no advice but hope you get some. My twins are 4.75 and I don't have another one in the mix but dinner time in particular can so quickly turn into a battle of the sillies. The only things that seem to work is if there something to talk about that they are REALLY interested in (telling stories for instance), if dinner is something that's a favorite and they're pretty hungry, or the planets just happen to be aligned. And the things that "work" aren't sure fire. I have sent them to another table to eat, etc, but that doesn't seem to have any long range benefit, it just keeps me from getting really annoyed.

I actually think if we could eat about an hour earlier it would calm things down a lot but that doesn't work with dh's schedule and it's really important to him that we all eat together. He said he'd rather ride this out than not have a family dinner.

Good luck.

[D_McG]

We had to get really strict with DS at dinner time. It got worse before it got better. Basically he gets one warning and then goes to his room. If he acts out he doesn't get a snack and is instead re-offered his dinner before bed. Our issues were less that kind of craziness (but there was a bit of that) and more about being rude about the food. But basically we had to employ a zero tolerance policy wrt mealtime manners. It worked wonderfully and meals are pleasurable again. GL

[mom2grrls]

Perhaps have 1 night where unlimited silliness is ok but they have to help clean. the rest of the nights are "regular" table manners. I also like the suggestion of waiting until you're done eating