SAHMs who used to WOH - how did the transtion OUT of daycare go for you and your toddler?

[JessieBird]

Hi everyone - As of Sept 1st I will be a SAHM again! This time it's for good, or at least for a good long time.

But I'm facing a dilema. DS is almost 20 mo. We are expecting a new baby in early October. DS currently goes to a wonderful Montessori school full time and it is working out very well for him. He has friends there, he is thriving, we love the staff, we love how the M program suits him so well. A huge part of me can't wait to be home with my kids full time and have our lives revolve around our home and our community but I recognize that there are benefits for all of us to staying at the daycare 2-3 days a week, especially around the time that the new baby comes. I am thinking twice about it because it is very expensive (almost the same as full time and we're losing my income) and I think it might just feel weird/guilty for me to send my child to daycare when I am at home, no matter how much he loves it there and no matter how much stability and respite it may give him around the time of the baby arriving.

Our options now are to continue to send DS to daycare 2-3 days a week or to bring him home full time. We could also do the part time option only for Sept-Oct-Nov as a transition then pull him out entirely. I think that keeping him in the daycare part time will definitely go well for him and I'm not worried about that at all, except for the cost and my own weird guilty feelings. But I am curious to know if anyone had a difficult time pulling their toddler out of daycare entirely, or if anyone has any regrets about it.

I'd really like to hear your experiences and advice, thanks!!

[Nazsmum]

I say that you know your child. Only you know what will work. When my 2nd was born I did as much I could to keep things "normal" for my 1st. I tried to respect his feeling and needs. I wanted him to be happy a new brother was coming.

As far as the money if that is a bigger factor then you need to let the lead.

[JessieBird]

Originally Posted by Nazsmum

I say that you know your child. Only you know what will work.

Deep down I know that letting DS continue at daycare (the current one, I wouldn't make a switch) 2 days a week would be best for him, at least for three months. He is a very independent guy who likes his routine and needs his personal space. I think that he will benefit from time away from the baby and me and all that will entail in the early days. I'm pretty sure that he sees his daycare as "his place" and it looks like he takes pride in coming and going from there every day. He is also quite reserved and takes his time getting settled into a new atmosphere so simply going to random play groups or library toddler times (etc) in order to give him time with other kids his age is not an ideal replacement for the friends he has at daycare.

What I really can't predict though is if there would be any actual negative effects if we decided to pull him out of daycare altogether and that's where I'd love to hear about others' experiences.

I should also add that I'm not willing to find a different daycare just to make it financially feasible (have made that mistake before!).

[Tway]

I see you're from Quebec, so I wanted to mention that you get back a chunk of childcare costs at tax time. I'm not sure how much, but it can be pretty significant. Just wanted to let you know in case you haven't had your LO in daycare during tax season yet!

[meadow123]

Yes, this is totally where I am was/ am. Here is my experience: My 2 yo was 20 months when my new daughter was born. During my maternity leave, we left our daughter in FT care at the daycare center she has been at since she was 12 weeks. She LOVES it there, totally thrives there, and we wanted to keep stability and routine for her.

Fast forward to one month ago, and I was terminated from my job (most likely due to issues related to pumping and nursing, and there is pending litigation). So I am suddenly a SAHM to my 5 month old. It was an easy decision to pull her out of daycare, she had only been going for a month and I was going there twice a day to nurse her. We agonized about what to do with my 2 year old, and decided to leave her in part time, three days a week for right now. It is a huge adjustment for me to be home with both kids, and she is the type of kid that does really well with the structure, so that is what we decided for now. The $$$ part is not great. Doable, not horrible, but not great. If she was not so attached to her friends and her teacher, I would look at pulling her out either totally, or look at another less expensive option. I know a great center that does 2 hours a day, and you can do MWF. TH, or everyday. But again, we love her current center. I feel like I should be able to just manage both kids all the time, but this is what is working for our family right now.

[JessieBird]

Tway, the Quebec tax credit is awesome (only saw 2 mos of it in '09 but have calculated how significant it will be for '10) however I don't think we'll be eligible when I'm not working anymore (I assume both parents have to be working, am I wrong?). Not getting the credit will mean that 2 days a week will probably end up costing MORE than full time. And my income will be greatly reduced. QPIP is excellent compared to EI but it will almost entirely go to daycare. So the financial aspect is pretty huge in this decision.

Meadow123, thanks for your experience and I wish you luck with your litigation, that must be an awful situation.

[Masel]

We kept my almost 4 year old in daycare full time for three months after the baby was born. I'm really glad I had that quiet time with the baby. DD1 is very social and I'm kind of a homebody. She's now going part time. We have lots of adventures on her stay home day and I get lots done on her school days.

Those months were already paid for and I hadn't completely decided to stay home which helped with the decision.