So today I was helping LoveBug`s uncle and aunt move into their new home. (Not my sibling, his fathers brother.) After a few hours we took a break while the kids played outside. And we started talking about the new bed one of their kids had gotten. I told LoveBugDaddy, who also helped them, that it would be sooo awesome if he could help me make something similar for LoveBug. The bed was kinda built into the wall, so there were no openings/cracks etc. on any side, just an opening in the front. This would be AWESOME for LoveBug, who spends hours every week at night laying scared sh&¤less in bed because he can see small cracks, openings etc between his bed and the wall etc.So we started talking about his fears, and as usual, I think to myself that it is soo, so good to have someone to talk to. Someone I can tell these things too. Being LoveBug`s mother is kinda lonely, because NO ONE seems to understand. Just his father, my mother and an aunt who has a kid very much like LoveBug. No one else. And then, after listening for a few minutes, both the uncle and the aunt start telling us how much alike our son is to THEIR son. The 11 year old my son is playing with outside. The 11 year old who goes to school every day, and has done so since 1st grade. The 11 year old who happily spends the night with his friend, with ME and LoveBug, with his grandparents etc. The 11 year old who runs down to a nearby soocerfield to play with his friends, without worry.
Yeah, that 11 year old.And what do I do? I just sit there. Nodding. And screaming on the inside.
How come they don`t see? How come they don`t see that MY son has never, ever in his whole life slept alone. He has never been on a sleepover. He has NEVER stayed with a friend alone. He has never stayed with family alone either, until a few months ago, when he after MUCH hysterical crying and downright hyperventilation (there was a meeting both me and his father HAD to go to) managed to stay with his favorite aunt (the one with a child much like him) for 2 hours. How come they can`t see that I have been sitting in my sons school for THREE years now, because he can`t handle being there alone?
Man, sometimes I just want to scream at people.
I just needed to vent. I know they are wellmeaning, loving people. I love them dearly, and I knwo they don`t mean to be rude/offensive/whatever. Sometimes I just sooo desperately wish someone would acknowledge what we are struggling with.
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I soo wish I had your courage some days. I would LOVE to say something like the things you wrote, but I just freeze. And he DOESN`T have a diagnosis, so I just feel that I have no evidence, no proof from "people with power" that he actually IS different. Altough I know inside that he is. Maybe he doesn`t have a clear diagnosis. Maybe he never will have a label. But he isn`t like any other child I know. He just isn`t. And I KNOW that if people would just listen, watch and TRY to understand, they would see that.
I so, soooo desperately needed that today. I have been sitting outside, on the roof terrace, crying my eyes out the last hour or so. (LoveBug was inside, with his dad who was visiting.) I`m so tired and exhausted, and reading your post really made a difference right now.
