Bonded with 1 adoptive child, not the other - Page 3

[QueeTheBean]

Originally Posted by m9m9m9

What I liked about this thread is the great information shared about attachment and attachment issues..

what I greatly disklike is the feigned concerned of the OP - sorry but I read this and immediately thought she was looking for answers like "yeah those parents suck!" Come on, a vague family member, living 1000+ miles away that she rarely sees, etc and so forth...

I rarely reply to things like this, but I can't stop myself.

I don't even know why I need to defend myself, I really don't . . . But yeah, for your information, the reason I was being vague is because I am paranoid about identifying myself here. I do not want to do anything to hurt my family member, whom I love. It is not a vague family member---I am talking about my sister and her son, my nephew. Yes, they live 1000 miles away, but that doesn't mean I am not in regular contact with her or that I don't care about them. The difference here was that we just spent a full week together on vacation and I was able to see things up close and in person that I had only a vague sense of on the phone or through emails prior to that.

I came here knowing nothing, asking for information. I came here out of concern, and I still concerned. I wanted to learn more, to know if I had reason to worry or of this was normal. It is incredibly hard to see a child experiencing what I see him going through, despite any of the reasons. I’m doing the best I can to understand it all, but I certainly wasn’t looking for people to come here and bash my family. I don't work that way.

But thanks, now I feel like crap. And an idiot.

[pumpkingirl71]

Originally Posted by QueeTheBean

But thanks, now I feel like crap. And an idiot.

I am so sorry that the post you are referring to was so harsh. I do want to chime in that there were a lot of "triggers" in your post for me. I am not defending the tone of m9m9m9. But I also got a knot in the bottom of my stomach reading the original post and some of your replies. I have often been accused of favoring my biological children and treating my adopted daughter poorly. Very few people have seen the malicious and aggressive behavior we have seen from our daughter. It is a very horrilbe position to be in.

So I guess I am saying that on the day I read this thread, I was in a place where I could take your words at face value and not lash out. But on a very bad day, I could have been as mean as m9m9m9. This process of attachment is traumatic for the child and the parents.

Once again, I am sorry this was said and I think you are absolutely a great sister and aunt for trying to figure this out.

[Sierra]

QueetheBean, I am sorry. I can understand your hurt.

[RedOakMomma]

What pumpkingirl said it so true...try not to take it personally. Depending on what kind of day you're having, sometimes it's easy to have an educational discussion about adoption, and sometimes you're just tired of it all. You did the right thing in looking for more info, and I think you were/are GREAT about processing it all. Don't feel bad or silly or anything negative--you're fine.