I Don't Have Enough To Give

[BabyMae09]

DD is 14 months. DS is 8. DP and I are getting married in 3 weeks. Also, we have a small farm. DP is working whether he's here, at work, or working on the business he's trying to start.

DD still sleeps with me. DP doesn't - we move too much, wake him up and I'm too warm for him to sleep with. DS would LOVE to still sleep in my room. I get bad enough sleep as it is with just DD in there, though.

Most nights, DS sleeps in a chair in the upstairs living room, close to my bedroom. He has a bedroom downstairs but refuses to sleep in it. He says there was a spider on him the VERY FIRST night he slept in there, and so he won't go back in there to sleep

DP's bedroom is also downstairs, but DS doesn't want to sleep in there, either, because he thinks the spider 'came from the room.' I finally told him tonight 'look, it's 11pm. I have 3-4 more hours of stuff to do before I can go to bed - you've got to go downstairs and sleep on the couch.' He teared up. I hugged him, said I love you, and sent him down.

I think he's crying, but to be honest, I know that if I go down there I'm in for another 15-20 minutes of consoling him about the dang spider that's long gone. I just don't have the emotional reserves to deal with it

My DD wants to be held or BF'ing frequently. I have lost more weight than I should have, and am at the low end for my height. I can't eat because I'm never hungry - I think I'm dealing with a candida or gluten issue. I get almost no time with DP.

If it weren't for our live-in farm worker/childcare helper, I think I'd have lost it by now.

I just can't keep giving nonstop with the physical issues that I'm having, and esp. feeling so distant from DP right now.

I'm supposed to be excited and happy about the wedding, but I don't even have time and energy to feel those emotions!!

I'm so irritated and sad

And I feel like a bad Mommy, too.

[CultivatingMyRoots]

I couldn't not respond. s s s

I'm a single mom, and had a bit of a breakdown this evening when my 14 month old DD WOULD NOT GO TO SLEEP. 3 hours of tantrumming, and she finally exhausted herself. So, basically, I came here to unwind and found I could maybe help someone else, as well.

Back to you, sorry. I think your 8 year old might be feeling like he doesn't get enough quality time with you. Clearly it isn't about the spider, and he has slept on his own before. But he is getting attention by whining about the spider that he can't get otherwise. Is there any way he can get in a day with mommy before the wedding?

DD wanting to be held/nursing all the time (when it's my DD, at least) means she is bored, or feeling insecure in her time with you. I would say that she needs something novel, and time away from nursing, which she is using like a comfort when what she really wants is stimulation. I weaned my DD who is the same age because honestly I was not a good mom when every time I needed the most focus and my wits about me, DD wanted to nurse. And she did, whenever I was at my wit's end and trying to hold it together, DD would want to calm her own tension by nursing. The cycle had to stop. So, I sent her to daddy for 24 hours and then wore a non-nursing bra and cover-all shirt. I also rotated the toys and cleaned up so that my living space reflected the mental state I NEEDED to attain and continue in. I desperately need my zen-space in order to keep my cool.

The first thing I did after my breakdown (which included laying out the what for to my stbx who has been all over the map lately) was purge and clean and reorder my tiny apartment.

SO, I can't say what you SHOULD do. But I would say that were I in your shoes, I would hand DD to my childcare helper, take DS out on an adventure, and then grab back the space and dignity that I need to parent. I think we sometimes try to give too much of ourselves to our children, when what they really need is less time that is more intense and stimulating.

Best of luck, and best wishes for your wedding, which should be a joyful and uplifting day.