Originally Posted by sparklett
I've been following this thread and many times you have come off as sounding ungrateful, judgmental, and extremely bitter. Perhaps if you were gracious to your ILs when they show any sort of gesture of kindness, that would go a long way in mending the relationship you have with them.
My inlaws have a set schedule with the cousins. They go out to see them (across the country) by booking airfare every three months for a week. They also go out every other year for Christmas. They've been doing that for years. It's their routine.
The grandparents do that together - that is, both grandma and grandpa. Together.
By contrast, it is only grandma who comes to visit us, for a few hours. Grandpa comes for a few hours once or twice a year. It's a big deal if he actually stays over night. That happens about once a year, maybe once every two years.
When they come, they arrive at around 10 AM ish and they leave by 2 PM that same day, usually. If they stay "overnight" or for a "weekendl" they arrive at 10 or 11 AM and then they get up the next morning and head back home first thing in the morning at 7 a.m.
We've tried many, many times to get them to stay Sunday and do things with our child. The answer is always no. They won't even stay for breakfast.
We've asked them to stay with us for a holiday - Christmas or Thanksgiving - and we've been told "our plans are to do this other thing every other year." If our plans don't work out, then maybe we can come to your house! That's a quote. If they can't do what they really want, maybe they can do something with us!
When Grandpa comes to visit, he brings his own big cooler full of cans of beer, and sits and drinks basically by himself and will interact with our child for maybe 5 or 10 minutes the whole time.
But if Grandpa doesn't come, then Grandma has to hurry back home because Grandpa will start drinking.
Quality time with them? It's not going to happen. DH says to let the time thing go.
By contrast, my FIL goes out to the cousins home and puts together playhouse for them that he spends 4 days on at a time. I pointed out when they said that that 4 days is more time than he spent with our child ALL YEAR.
Grandpa is never going to go to a movie with our child. Never. We could beg, and beg, and beg. Not going to happen. But Grandma can't stay very long without Grandpa so see the problem?
DH says to give up on the time and just focus on making the money and gifts fair.
Like I said, this has been going on for years. The problem is that when they spend a week with the other cousins, they spend a week's worth of money on them. When they never visit us, they spend next to nothing on our kid. It's not like they go and visit the other cousins, buy them something, then when they return home, call us up and offer our kid the same thing or the same amount of purchase. No. That never happens.