Originally Posted by Anastasiya
ETA: I haven't read the whole thread yet....so this may have already been mentioned or addressed.
I can see her point, honestly. When some people get to a certain age and go visiting family, they want to be somewhere that feels like home to them. Or a vacation. I have a few friends who do NOT have "homey" homes and while I love those friends, I hate visiting them in their homes. I am always uncomfortable, on edge and feel out of place.
If your mother in law finds nothing comforting in your home - no sofa, no TV, no bed, no personal space, no foods she likes, etc....then that's probably why she only visits a few hours at a time. Certainly, she could visit a few hours at a time more often than just a few times a year, but I can see why there is no lengthy stay. It's not comfortable for her.
That's probably also why she babysits the other grandkids while your SIL and BIL spend a weekend away, because it's comfortable for her in their home. She can kick up her feet by the pool, enjoy her own bathroom and private space, eat the foods she likes on a grill, her DH can smoke to his heart's content, watch tv on the big screen , etc.... and it makes babysitting more enjoyable.
I know this makes me sound shallow as though comfort overrides family and the people you are spending time with, but comfort is a big part of a vacation or an extended stay. If you're visiting someone and you never feel "comfy" the visit really is not enjoyable in the least, ESP if you work out of the home and all day she'd be "stuck" in the "uncomfy", "uninviting" home.
Thanks for the comment.
I think the solution is easy for my MIL: hotel. Hotel, hotel, hotel. They have some nice ones in my city. For the price she pays for airfare every year, she can surely afford a hotel.
Otherwise...I have this to say, which might not be that popular an idea, but here goes...
There is to a small extent philosophy at play here, but to a larger extent it is finances with reference to furnishings.
OK, so MIL doesn't like that we lack a couch (at the moment), a guest bed, a grill, a pool, what have you.
I guess it really hurts my heart that she chooses to not visit her lovely grandchild because of this. Shallow, yes. I understand the comfort point, but to me that is shallow nonetheless.
And, on top of that, it frustrates me, I guess, because it's more a financial issue. If I had the money, and time, and setting/environment, would I go out and attain a couch to MIL's liking? Yes. A guest bedroom? Sure. A larger tv? No, probably not (the philosophy part comes into play here), but maybe if it drew her to come more often.
Outside of installing an inground pool, I probably would acquire the other things if I had the money and if it would make a shred of difference and MIL would then visit her grandchild.
The frustrating thing is that SIL is a SAHM, right? Her husband - my MIL's son - makes the money and provides all this "stuff" that MIL seems to be drawn to.
So maybe MIL should take a look at DH. Does she love him? Does she love his son? Enough to overlook the fact that DH can't afford these things for his family?
I guess, on a very different plane, it feels like MIL is making judgements against us (not to visit) because of things her son (and I, too) can't provide. At least right now.
Why then would she spend more money on the family that is fairing better financially?
If the couch, whatever is SUCH an issue, then be part of the solution, not make the problem worse.
I mean, no, it's not her responsibility. But if
she's going to snipe about it...
And, finally, I don't like that she makes bogus and lame excuses like "your work and SIL doesn't so we can't visit you and we can visit them."
I was just thinking about this, and came back to edit because I think perhaps my MIL's comment is to push the blame on me rather than having to take a hard look at her son, perhaps, and what he's not able to do. She wouldn't/couldn't come out and say something against her son. So, she makes up other lame excuses that don't really make a lot of sense.