1yo bangs head when he doesn't get his way -update: now 15 mos old

[DevaMajka]

Is this "normal"? He has a semi-permanent red spot in the middle of his forehead now. He sometimes bangs his head so hard that he cries (but not often). He also occasionally bangs his head seemingly for fun.

What is the best response when he does this?

I'm trying to be more CL with him, now that he can sort of understand (ie, I don't mind if he gets up on the table, but he can't stand while up there. That type of thing). I think it could make a lot of things easier!

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

Is this "normal"? He has a semi-permanent red spot in the middle of his forehead now. He sometimes bangs his head so hard that he cries (but not often). He also occasionally bangs his head seemingly for fun.

What is the best response when he does this?

I'm trying to be more CL with him, now that he can sort of understand (ie, I don't mind if he gets up on the table, but he can't stand while up there. That type of thing). I think it could make a lot of things easier!

It's a normal behavior for toddlers. It looks distressing, and yes sometimes they CAN hurt themselves, but lots of children do it.


My daughter did it a few times and the only suggestion I have is that I did. I just picked her up like she wasn't doing anything wrong (I didn't acknowledge the banging the head because she would do it more) and redirected her to something else. Plus, if she was in my arms, she couldn't smack her head on the floor.

[DevaMajka]

That's pretty much what I do, too. It's good to know that I'm on the right track, and that we're not alone in this!

[j_p_i]

My DD does this sometimes too. I did some research and learned that it's really quite normal, and not something to be concerned about. In fact, toddlers can do it for many reasons not just frustration, including pain associated with teething, attention, etc. DD also headbutts, she thinks it's loves/hugs and she does it playfully (although it can hurt if she catches you off-gaurd!)

I react the same way as mentioned when she does it, pick her up and redirect. If she is frustrated, I try to give her words to use, saying "I realize you're frustrated/upset/want to do something and can't, etc".

[MamaChicken]

Both my twins do that. Odd little boys!

I just pick them up, too. They aren't very verbal yet, so I think they just know that I love on them when they are hurt, so they hurt themselves...

[Climbergirl]

I apparently did this when I was a child. If it was definitely do to something that I wanted to get her attention for, she would just walk out of the room. Apparently, I would stop, and follow her and she would give me attention then.

This was after I got the same reaction from her for holding my breath.

I think I turned out ok

[DevaMajka]

bump because he's still doing it, and it still bothers me. lol. Just want to hear more "it's normal" replies, I guess (or if anyone had a toddler do it and it wasn't "normal" I want to hear that too.)

I wonder if it could have anything to do with food sensitivities. I'm *sure* there are foods that he's sensitive to that he/we are still eating. His rash (which was a reaction before) is flaring up the last few days. It's not a constant thing. He'll go days without doing much, if any, head banging, then he'll go crazy with it for a few days.

We respond kind of boring "you'll hurt your head doing that" and redirect him. The head banging also seems to correspond to other irrational (more than usual) behaviors, being more stubborn about things he shouldn't do, and laughing in odd situations.

[baglady]

Totally normal. My guy started this around 15 months old. I was just thinking today that he hasn't done it in a week or so. He's 21 months now, and I hope it's over. I started to just ignore it and not overly comfort the crying from it and so far it seems to have worked.

He would do it when he was mad to make himself cry. He once ran across the kitchen just to bang his head on the oven when I wouldn't give him something he wanted.

I was so worried I asked the ped. She assured me that toddlers are super dramatic and headbanging is really common.

The headbanging phase was actually much better than the gagging himself when bored phase...

[mommy_to_2angels]

OMG...gagging himself when bored? I would be a little unnerved with that! My boy started headbutting instead of hugging. Now he snuggles instead. His new thing is banging everything but his head. Kicking his feet as hard as he can to make really loud obnoxious noises and banging on his drums. Once in a while he'll bang his head, but I think he's mostly out of that because he hasn't done it in about a month or so.

[KayTeeJay]

I am so glad to see this post! My 20mo does the same thing when he is mad/frustrated. It's a pretty recent thing, maybe the last few months or so. He is very verbal, so I try to help him with words when he gets upset like that. One thing that's helped lately is for me to pick him up and show him himself in the mirror (not to shame or anything like that, just to talk about crying/being sad/being mad). It kind of distracts him and calms him down enough for us to talk about why he's upset.

[Llyra]

My DD2 used to whack herself in the head with toys, when she was this age, and got mad/frustrated. I found, over the long haul, that the best way to handle it was to pay it as little attention as possible. Even just redirecting her was enough reinforcement that she kept on doing it, but once I developed a policy of entirely ignoring it, it didn't take her long to stop doing it. I didn't ignore HER-- just the behavior. I would just act like she wasn't doing it at all, and deal with the feelings she was having, instead.

My mom says my brother used to do this. What she did was to restrict headbanging to one room in the house-- the bedroom he and I shared. Anytime he started banging, she would pick him up and put him in there, and tell him he could bang all he liked, but only in that one room. Then she'd go get busy doing something else, and sort of ignore him for a few minutes. I think he was older, though-- more like 2 or 3. I think at 1, the ignoring is likely to just backfire on you, and make the child even more upset.

[changingseasons]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

bump because he's still doing it, and it still bothers me. lol. Just want to hear more "it's normal" replies, I guess (or if anyone had a toddler do it and it wasn't "normal" I want to hear that too.)

I wonder if it could have anything to do with food sensitivities. I'm *sure* there are foods that he's sensitive to that he/we are still eating. His rash (which was a reaction before) is flaring up the last few days. It's not a constant thing. He'll go days without doing much, if any, head banging, then he'll go crazy with it for a few days.

I was debating whether or not to post before I saw this (because it's hard not to see everything as food allergies sometimes.) It is definitely a possibility though. Certain foods trigger behavioral reactions more than others in DD. Corn is one that makes her absolutely wired and crazy. But when she was a little younger, big reactions would make her SUPER aggressive- toward others and herself. She would slam her face into the floor so hard it would make me cry. And she wasn't trying to get affection- in fact, during these aggressive episodes she wouldn't want anyone near her or touching her.

So I think that if you're already seen other symptoms of a reaction, and this isn't something that he's doing regularly, this is almost definitely related. Hopefully that means it will pass soon- I know it's stressful!

[oliver's*mom]

We recently experienced something similar with our 20 month old son. It was around the time that we packed, moved across the country, and settled into a new home and city. I believe there was a strong correlation between the head banging and the stress of this major change. The head banging was extremely unnerving and at first we just did whatever we could to make it stop. Eventually, though, we realized that, at least in our case, that wasn't the way to help our son move away from this upsetting behavior. We instead redirected him (if possible) or ignored him. In time, the head banging stopped. Is there any ongoing stress in your child's life that may be contributing to these tantrums?

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by Llyra

My DD2 used to whack herself in the head with toys, when she was this age, and got mad/frustrated. I found, over the long haul, that the best way to handle it was to pay it as little attention as possible. Even just redirecting her was enough reinforcement that she kept on doing it, but once I developed a policy of entirely ignoring it, it didn't take her long to stop doing it. I didn't ignore HER-- just the behavior. I would just act like she wasn't doing it at all, and deal with the feelings she was having, instead.

I'm glad you posted that- for a while, I was just totally ignoring it. Not ignoring him, like you said. I still responded to him like I would if he wasn't doing it. It's just what came sort of naturally at this stage. But dp seems disturbed by the headbanging, so I second guessed myself, and figured I should pay attention to it.

Originally Posted by changingseasons

I was debating whether or not to post before I saw this (because it's hard not to see everything as food allergies sometimes.) It is definitely a possibility though. Certain foods trigger behavioral reactions more than others in DD. Corn is one that makes her absolutely wired and crazy. But when she was a little younger, big reactions would make her SUPER aggressive- toward others and herself. She would slam her face into the floor so hard it would make me cry. And she wasn't trying to get affection- in fact, during these aggressive episodes she wouldn't want anyone near her or touching her.

So I think that if you're already seen other symptoms of a reaction, and this isn't something that he's doing regularly, this is almost definitely related. Hopefully that means it will pass soon- I know it's stressful!

I'm glad you posted!
You know when your kid is doing something "odd" but you have a gut feeling that everything is perfectly fine? I am totally *not* getting that feeling here. I just feel like something is off.
I fully admit that it could be because I'm overthinking the food sensitivity thing. So that's a possibility. But reading about your dd's reactions- the days that he headbangs are also days that he's...wired? hyper? overreacts to things, gets upset over things that don't usually bother him much, is clingy but unlovey at the same time.
And his rash is flaring up, and his poop is mushy and unformed (it has been normal in the past).

I don't think he's doing it for attention either. I've never got that feeling.

Originally Posted by oliver's*mom

Is there any ongoing stress in your child's life that may be contributing to these tantrums?

I will think on that. Off the top of my head, there's nothing big. He does have a molar coming in, s I'm not discounting that as a possibility.