ah weekends...

[SilverFish]

i think i'm starting to hate them.



it's almost two pm here, and my dh is still in his underpants, unshowered, mucking about with a piece of photography software he's trying to write. the kitchen is a mess, the baby isn't napping, and it's a yucky gray and humid day. i know if i asked him to, he would get washed and dressed and go where ever i wanted to go, but i know he would really rather be at home, doing computer stuff.

i look forward to the weekend all week, at home with the baby. it's not that the week sucks or anything, the baby is easy and fun, we go out and get stuff accomplished all the time, but i'm kind of bored with the daily routine by friday, if you know what i mean.

i know the biggest problem is me having WAY too high expectations out of two measly days... i want to fit all the super fun family recreation time, all the mega-chore hard work time, all the personal relaxation time and special couple time in and it never works. we just never seem to find a good balance... my dh is an introvert and the stress of being "on" 5 days a week at work really makes him want to hole up for a bit. i'm an extrovert and the strain of being mostly by myself all day is taking its toll too.

i dunno... just ugh i guess. any advice?

[puffingirl]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I work on Saturdays, so Sunday is our only family day, and it's really become the worst day of the week, for so many of the reasons that you mentioned. It makes me really sad and frustrated that it's like that! Not too much useful advice from me, but know that you're not alone this boat! A couple of things that have helped a little here though has been me insisting that I am not cooking on Saturday night (he can cook or we can go out) and that I try to do one thing for myself on Sunday. Sometimes it's going to the gym alone, or taking a half-hour to read a book and insisting that DH take DD somewhere or planning a family outing that I really want. It's still the toughest day of the week though *sigh*

[crunchy_mommy]

You know, I was feeling much the same way until I started doing something with just me & my toddler every Saturday. We found a great friend who we get together with (sometimes with other moms/kids too) a couple Saturdays a month, or we go to weekend LLL meetings, or if there's nothing else going on sometimes we visit my parents. DH gets his Saturday morning or afternoon to do the things he needs to get done (sometimes he relaxes & watches hulu, more often he catches up on laundry/dishes/yardwork). Then we all do family activities the rest of the weekend, and DH doesn't feel deprived of 'down time'...

Also we are trying to incoporate more 'weekend' activities into the weekday evenings. We'll go to the beach or a concert in the park or the children's museum a couple of evenings a week... plus everything's free at night! We used to feel like there wasn't enough time to DO anything once DH got home from work but really we have from 5:30pm 'til 9:30 or so and we can do a lot of fun things in 4 hours

[Norasmomma]

I've been married for 14 years and I can tell you, if he needs to chill, let him chill.

If you are bored go do something, I go to the farmer's market with my kids on Sat and give Dh a few hours of "he" time and it makes a world of difference. I mean sometimes he mows the lawn in that time, but he enjoys that or he plays piano and practices a new song he's learning so it doesn't drive us crazy, going over it piece by piece.

My Dh is fairly extroverted, but he is a homebody, I am a social butterfly who is at home with the kids much of the week(I do work 3 evenings a week though), I get what you are saying. I also believe that if someone just wants to lounge in their jammies all day, that's up to them, unless of course there are other things to be done.

In you situation I'd probably leave the baby with DH and go do something, but that's just me.

[lifeguard]

I totally get it. We've long called Sundays "bummy Sundays" 'cause they so often leave both of us feeling grumpy. But we've also found some ways to deal with it. We definitely find our weekends go better when we have a bit of a general plan for the weekend - so although we don't set a rigid schedule we usually have an idea of what we are going to do.

We also made an agreement that every 2nd weekend we spend doing fun family things. Dh generally doesn't have a lot of interest in these activities but I feel disappointed we so rarely do them. This way we both know what the expectation is & both feel satisfied - I know every second weekend I should plan to spend mostly as I spend my week (just me & ds) & the other weekends he's prepared to put his energy into an activity as a family at least for part of the weekend.

[SilverFish]

thank you SO much for chiming in. i've been reading the responses and have resolved to take the opportunity on the weekends to go and do stuff by myself... that way dh gets to stay home and do what he wants, and i don't have to lug a baby around everywhere and get a bit of private time. it's not perfect, since i'd rather spend more time as a family (and with a still frequently nursing baby at home, i can't go anywhere for too long), but it'll be a million times better than nagging dh to put his pants on and do stuff with me .

the idea of doing "weekend" activities on the weekdays is really good. we have been doing that once in a while, and i think i'll make a point of doing it more consistently. the days we go do something like that are usually our best days! it might take some of the pressure off our weekends.

on the plus side, we finally went to see the fireworks downtown tonight. we had been putting it off, mostly just nervous to how dd would do, but i held a rolled up blanket to help muffle her ears, and she was just entranced! she fell asleep during the loudest part, which was kind of funny.

[crunchy_mommy]

wow

We tried watching fireworks with DS -- from quite a distance -- and he wasn't upset by the sound (surprising) but was TERRIFIED by the sight of them. Wouldn't stop shaking even though we left right away... I even tried showing him some on youtube, with the volume muted, and once again, he was soooo scared. Weird huh? Glad your DD liked them!