Potty training for 3 y.o.

[Papai]

Forgive me, I'm sure this is a question that gets asked here a LOT but how I can get my 3-year-old potty trained?

We have him in pull-ups, which some people suggested wasn't helping. So I put him in underwear, try to take him to the bathroom regularly. What ends up happening? He sits on the toilet, fiddles around and does nothing. Then five minutes after we get off the toilet he wets himself.

Any old threads or resources you can link me to would be greatly appreciated. Please help. My patience has worn thin.

[ShyDaisi]

With Micah, we worked on it naked and then transitioned to undies. I never used pull-ups as they are basically glorified diapers. When we transfered to undies, I chose the Gerber ones because it helps to prevent all out accidents, but still allows him to feel wet. If you are going to go with a trainer, I would suggest a cloth variety so he still feels wet.

[Papai]

*bump* Help.

[taramoon13]

my best advice is to let them go "commando" (as much as possible inside, obviously). this way they don't feel there's anything their to "catch" their pee & poop. i feel like this combined with making regular trips to the potty worked so much better for us, of course you're going to have accidents, but ds really caught on pretty fast. i also think it's a matter of timing. we tried once for a couple weeks with ds and he would refuse to even sit on the potty, so we just dropped it and a couple months later tried again. one more thing could be thing kind of potty seat you're using. we had the separate kind that they sit on the floor on and switched to the padded "topper" that goes right on the toilet which he liked right away because it's how he saw us go. we also used the thicker cloth pull-ups as pp noted for being out because they still get wet, but absorb a bit better than regular underwear. good-luck!!!!!

[DogwoodFairy]

I'm in exactly the same place, Papai, and it is frustrating. My son has been in pull-ups for about 2 months, and uses it the same way as a diaper. And those suckers are expensive, so that annoys me. Even when he's commando, he wets himself. I put him underwear and he will wet himself. I will change him, and 15 minutes later, he'll wet himself again. He'll be 3yo in 6 weeks, and I feel totally fed up with it. Even with regular trips to the potty, he wets himself, and he refuses to poop on the potty at all. I have a kid seat for the regular toilet, and a stand alone potty, we use both, whatever he feels like at the time. I will direct him to use the potty, and he will sit and squirm, play with his genitals, etc. Then 5 minutes later, he's in the corner, pooping in his pull-up.
The consistency is hard to maintain as he is in daycare 4 days/wk and his provider cant take him to the potty as often as I would like. And she obviously cant let him go commando, nor can she have him peeing everywhere when he has accidents.

I would also welcome advice.

[Turquesa]

I was just coming over here to start a thread like this and--lo and behold--found yours! I've been in tears and pulling my hair at its ends for the past few months. Back in April, we went on a 6-day bootcamp marathon. Failed miserably. Back into diapers. Fast forward three months later. Another marathon. Success in three days. Fast forward to today. Back to where we started. I really wish I knew what was going on. I am SICK. TO. $@%##. DEATH of it!! If I have to clean any more piss or poo out of the carpet, I swear I'm sending her to a potty learning boarding school if such a thing exists. We're doing all of the "right" things and following all of the crassly unsolicited but well-intentioned advice that our friends are giving us--no pull-ups, take to fun places and go home when accidents occur... I dunno. I'm just ready to unravel, OP, and I totally feel where you're coming from.

[amberskyfire]

Have you tried letting him watch other kids do it? DD was only semi-interested in the potty until I got her a potty video (I think the name was "I Can Go Potty") that showed other kids using the potty. That got her attention and after that, she wanted big-girl panties.

Putting her in a diaper during the day didn't help at all, though. If she wore a diaper, she would just use it sometimes. I had to put her in underwear full-time for her to start using the potty full-time.

[Theia]

Along with cloth undies and diaper free time.... I also talked to DD about it a lot. And I rarely get a moment alone in the bathroom... so she and I would talk about "potty" a lot and what it's for. I also have a seat topper for the big toilet and a stand alone potty as well. If I was on the toilet then DD would sit on the little potty. Then it progressed to where DD wanted to sit on the big toilet and put her favorite lovey on the little potty. Early on the little potty was usually not in the bathroom when we were in the nekkid phase. That seemed to help too.

We only used the diapers or pull-ups overnight and then once I noticed she was staying dry overnight, we switched to cloth undies then too.

Try to also not feel anxious about it yourselves. Our LO's pick up on our feelings but don't always understand why we feel the way we do and then they aren't focused on what we want them to be focused on. Several months ago I was totally in the "pulling out my hair" stage. Once I calmed down and relaxed about how I felt with it, DD's progress changed too.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by taramoon13

my best advice is to let them go "commando" (as much as possible inside, obviously). this way they don't feel there's anything their to "catch" their pee & poop.

OK, so I tried this last night and it sooooooooo didn't work.

Last night, DD went to the refrigerator and poured herself a cup of the filtered water. Then she dumped out onto the floor while simultaneously peeing and boasted, "Look, Daddy! I put put pee-pee and water on the floor." To say the least, DH was livid. He had to pull out the refrigerator and clean the tile underneath it.

Please, I'm not faulting you for any of this. I'm open to trying ANYTHING at this point, and it just goes to show how different things work for different kids. I just wish I knew what worked for mine.

[mommyone]

We just got lucky I guess. Our little one just decided to sit on the potty one day when I was. She sat and sat and sat... you get the picture but no potty. After feeding her juice and waiting like 30 minutes we had enough. I couldn't just pull her off she was trying after all. So I picked up the potty and moved it to the living room. After a few seconds she went! We gave her some chocolate we had (as a reward) and ever since 2 weeks and going strong now. If your child isn't ready yet even though you are, there is nothing you can do that will get them trained so just wait. Try again in a month or so or just leave the potty out like we do and ask them frequently if they want to go. Thats all you can do but good luck.

[ShyDaisi]

Originally Posted by Turquesa

OK, so I tried this last night and it sooooooooo didn't work.

Last night, DD went to the refrigerator and poured herself a cup of the filtered water. Then she dumped out onto the floor while simultaneously peeing and boasted, "Look, Daddy! I put put pee-pee and water on the floor." To say the least, DH was livid. He had to pull out the refrigerator and clean the tile underneath it.

Please, I'm not faulting you for any of this. I'm open to trying ANYTHING at this point, and it just goes to show how different things work for different kids. I just wish I knew what worked for mine.

I don't think that one evening is a long enough span of time to decide whether it "worked" or not. No matter what avenue you try, it more than likely will not be an overnight transition. You may also need to tweak whatever avenue you choose if it isn't working for your child. This isn't to say that having your child go commando is definitely going to work, but give it (or whichever method) some time before you decide.

Just some ideas...
- When she was naked, were you near where she was playing so that you could "catch" accidents by redirecting her to the potty, mid-stream if necessary?
- Do you have a potty in the room where she is located so that she can go at a moment's notice?
- Do you ask her if she needs to go at regular intervals if you have noticed it has been a substantial amount of time since she has gone? (Do you have any idea how often that normally is?) Keep in mind that there is a balance for reminders...not too often and not too sparse. Too often and she might feel it is becoming too much of a power struggle. Too sparse and she might get lost in the activity (such as getting a glass of water).
- Do you ask her to help clean up? Usually this will be a joint effort as most children will not get it as clean as you want it. However, she could get a towel for each of you, help to soak up the mess, and then once it is "clean" (by her), you can finish/disinfect/move furniture/etc.
- I am sure your husband was upset, but I hope he managed to contain his reaction. A matter of fact cleaning and explanation of "pee pee goes in the potty, not on the floor" is going to help more than exhibiting any kind of reaction. I don't know your child, but it is highly unlikely that she decided to pee in the floor on purpose. He was probably upset more at the situation than at her, but she won't know that.

Micah was a little younger, but in the very beginning, I only worked with him on using the potty at certain times. Maybe an hour or so before bath, or an hour after waking. I would make sure that during that time, my time was devoted to him so that if he looked like he was wiggling, grabbing himself, starting to urinate, or exhibiting some other sign (some more obvious and others not) that he needed to go, I could encourage him to go. I would either verbally encourage him to go if it was an obscure sign (like wriggling or grabbing), or I would physically move him if it was obvious (such as beginning to urinate).

Also, if you or your husband are getting too frustrated, maybe you should take a break for a week or two and try again. As frustrating as it is, she will feed off of those vibes and do worse than if you are calm and indifferent.

I don't know if any of this helps, but they are ideas!

[Theia]

I agree with ShyDaisi. I had to start and stop potty learning a couple of times, especially when my own emotions were part of the problem. DD wasn't ready and my emotions were stressing us both with it not working. So I'd lay off it. I'd let her follow me to the bathroom, if she wanted, she could sit on her little potty, or just clap her hands and congratulate me on my deposit. A couple of months later she started showing interest, while still in diapers. She would say she needed to potty, and I'd take her and sit her on the potty, still fully clothed and diapered. She'd sit for a few minutes and say all done and then I'd hug her and we'd go play. After a few weeks of her doing this on her own, I started back with the cloth undies and commando time. There were false alarms and misses too. But she was learning her body's cues and it wasn't long before she was right on target with the pee. In fact, we took a 7 hour road trip and I put her in a pull-up so that she could pee if she needed. She was still dry at our first stop and said no when I asked if she needed to potty. At the second stop (about 5 hours into the drive) she was still dry and still didn't need to pee (according to her). But I covered the toilet seat with a cover and put her over the side and held her up and sure enough.... she HAD TO GO!

It still took us a good month or so after she had a firm grip on pee's before I could get her to poop on the potty. She was still in pull-ups over night and so I started changing her into her "special" panties upon waking so that she wouldn't be tempted to use the diaper. She did poop in her panties a few times, so we talked about how we don't put poop in special panties and that she needs to start putting poop in the potty. We talked about how each person we know puts poop in the potty, that seemed to encourage her since she already wants to be so independent.

It's lots of talking and trial and error. But eventually when they are ready, they do get it. Just remain calm. And remember that an accident is a learning opportunity. They learn what the trigger is that lets them know they need to pee.