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*~* Postpartum Mama's Weekly Chat July 25 - 31 *~*

post #1 of 61
Thread Starter 
No one is excluded! Everyone is welcome to join in this thread, those waiting and those in the postpartum already.

ETA - previous thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1239779
post #2 of 61
Thank you Surfacing! Been tempted to start a new thread for this but never got to it. Also been meaning to contribute to this thread...but my hands are usually full!
post #3 of 61
Thread Starter 
NAK

Fair enough Mamakaikai.

MJB - Wow, your oversupply sounds reaaly intense. Do you know kellymom?
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...-mastitis.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...gorgement.html
Just in case something helps. It does sound like you know how to manage your situation pretty well, you've found something that works for you.

Welsh - I sooooo hear you on the pain feeling like it's too much, wanting to quit but not wanting to quit. I may have said this before, but it was really about 2 months before I enjoyed nursing dd2, and it got easier from there. Somebody mentioned Lansinoh - seriously, it makes a difference, give it a try. I used breast shells too to keep fabric off my sore nipples and they made a HUGE difference when I had to wear a bra and shirt around other people. They also had little air holes in them - I wore them with lansinoh and they helped me maintain my sanity. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now.

terra-pip - It's hard when baby cries a lot and is up at night. It won't last forever, of course, but while we have to get through it, it is *so* hard. I hope you have some good help during the day so you can get some sleep.

Somegirl - sounds like you are transitioning okay. That's good!

Mellybelly - I hear you on the dread and exhaustion. I had that really badly with dd1. You just have to get through one hour at a time, sometimes.

tarasattva - what you were saying about having forgotten the challenges of the early days of nursing, even if you successfully bfed in the past - so true! We totally have that going on here too. Some scabs on my nipples, sore boobs and nipples. When baby latches on, now that my milk is in, I get this very intense burning sensation when he is first latched on. OWWW. It usually gets better as he nurses but not always, so I'm fiddling around with positioning and trying not to make everything a fight. When I do what the MWs tell me, he and I seem to fight at the breast. So, as I was telling dh today, I am not going to win any awards for ideal positions at the breast, but it seems to work for us so there!

Also it's so frustrating when you get conflicting bfing advice. The MWs advocate firmly latching baby on while public health nurses encourage letting baby self-attach. !?!?!? I am just filtering all the messages and looking at my baby and taking what I know and finding what works for us.

AFM - Tomorrow one of my MWs comes for the day 5 visit. She missed the birth because she was at a conference. I found out from the student midwife who was at my birth, that my primary MW and the back up who were there, they said she shouldn't do delayed cord clamping like I requested. I had written down a few things on a small piece of paper just before the birth ("Birth Wishes") and the student later said it was good that I had written it down, so she could show them. We had a long talk later (the student and I) about the risks and benefits of cord clamping. Again, I am very surprised by how medically minded my MWs are. It has been an interesting learning experience, let me tell you.

I had the day 4 tears today. I cried because I was not pregnant anymore and everything we have been through has just been so intense. I cried because I was exhausted. I cried, felt sorry for myself for the efforts and frustrations faced over the past 5 yrs since we've had dd1. I cried, wishing I could be mothered. I cried because of the stresses of adapting to change (although I AM very happy!). Good thing the MWs reminded me that with the milk comes the tears, and it's normal, so I'm not worried about my mood and pathologizing it, you know?

That's enough rambling for me. Gotta get baby back to bed and get myself settled.

It's been tough at night because dd2 comes from her bed to mine, where I am with the newborn. She still wants me to snuggle with her, but I can't if I'm sitting up nursing. And when I am falling asleep I want to face the NB. She has been spending a lot of time crying and occassionally I have blocks of time during the day when I can give her some TLC and attention, but it's really hard to give her undivided attention. Sigh. We just do the best we can and it will pass. In the meantime she and dd1 are really loving their new baby brother. They helped give him a bath today, and it was really cute.
post #4 of 61
It's hard to believe my babe is almost a month old already! We're both doing well. She has gained a pound, now weighs 11lbs, is holding her head up really well, and is cooing more

My postpartum healing has been incredibly different this time around. For the better, woo hoo! Possible TMI, I had a third degree tear this time, and it has healed so much better that I ever expected. I have no residual pain since about 2 weeks postpartum. The stitches still have not all fallen out but some have and what is still there is not irritating or pulling/pinching. Bleeding is done, and was minimal by 2 weeks. I have no pain in my hips or pelvic bone. Last time I could barely go for a walk it hurt so much. Have I mentioned how much I adore my chiro?!

That said, sometime in the first week the pain and discomfort were plain overwhelming. Between the third degree tear (I broke my bum bum!!), the exhaustion, the awful cold I had with coughing and sneezing - I had no idea that I needed bum muscle to cough and sneeze...and then I slipped on water on the floor and broke a stitch (and they say that doesn't happen) , my milk coming in and the massive oversupply engorgement, nipple pain, being covered in pee-poo-blood-sourmilk-spitup-sweat and feeling insanely unattractive while everyone took pictures (why do they do that?!) oh and feeling like I was being mean and rejecting my toddler yet also feeling lonely because dp stayed away with dd1 so I could get peace and quiet and rest so I seemed to always be alone...at one point I just cried like a baby saying I wanted my mama! Wahhh!! But I was really crying at mourning the fact that I've never had that mama since my mom is emotionally unstable and socially inept so I couldn't have that now even if I wanted. I was a mess but only in brief moment of postpartum emotional chaos.

These are the overwhelming kinds of feelings that tipped me over the edge last time because I did not know what to do with them. This time around I feel like I can embrace the intensity of motherhood emotions and ride the wave. And I feel really normal. Like having a baby is the most normal thing to do. Extraordinary, but normal.

So much to share! I still find it amazing, giving birth. It's so weird how we can perform this amazing act and still everyone around us carries on like normal having completely arbitrary discussions. Sometimes I just want to whisper: ''I made a baby. I gave birth to her. I make milk for her and keep her alive with it. That is phenomenal. And what to make for dinner really is very trivial to be honest!'' But that would sound conceited. But I am just so amazed at how we women create life.
post #5 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfacing View Post


I had the day 4 tears today. I cried because I was not pregnant anymore and everything we have been through has just been so intense. I cried because I was exhausted. I cried, felt sorry for myself for the efforts and frustrations faced over the past 5 yrs since we've had dd1. I cried, wishing I could be mothered. I cried because of the stresses of adapting to change (although I AM very happy!). Good thing the MWs reminded me that with the milk comes the tears, and it's normal, so I'm not worried about my mood and pathologizing it, you know?
I just wrote about this in my post above. I get it. Be gentle with yourself! As much as I wanted a mother I could not have, I am happy I acknowledged my feelings and let them come through me. The only way out is through. Let your feelings flow, like everything else as you said with the milk come the tears. I think it is possible to gain strength from letting the feelings go through and out as opposed to stopping the flow and bottling it up to keep within. And remember too that you are a mother, that caring and wise woman you are looking for is alive within yourself too as a source of comfort. Though I completely get that sometimes we really do just need someone to take over and care for us.
post #6 of 61
Hi mamas! I'm doing surprisingly well, all things considered. The blues are really slight so far this time. I was a total mess with my dd after birth, but I'm still waiting for the waterworks to kick in here this time. I've had a mini-cry and one real crying episode so far. Maybe I'll get off lucky, ha.

Anyhow, c/s. Yuck. I can't f'ing BELIEVE women voluntarily ask for c/s. It's so aweful! Natural childbirth beats a c/s hands down any day. The pain from natural childbirth is nothing compared to the crap/pain you get put through with a c/s. So, anyone out there still worried if she can deal with the pain, trust me. You can. A c/s is just putting off the pain for a later date and for a much longer duration. So not worth it.

Bladder - And what's also wierd is that during pregnancy I was up all the time to pee a few teaspoons, but now I can't feel my bladder at all. I have to constantly remind myself to use the bathroom. That seems to be related to the c/s, too. I'm happy to report, though, that my pelvic floor is still very much alive and well despite all the pushing and that I didn't get hemorroids this time either. So no sore backside and no peeing in my panties. Yeah!

Castor oil - it's also great the day after birth. I was really nervous about my first bowel movement because my belly was so sore, but I was still moving easy the day after.

Homebirth - I really wish we didn't have to go the c/s route, but oh well. I really hated being cramped into a room with three other women and having to labor there while they chatted away and had visitors. (The hospital was overflowing with laboring mamas that day so we got kicked out of our L&D room Sat. morning) It was NOT cool. I cried over that, and a nurse told me that the breakfast room was empty and that I could go in there to be undisturbed. Also, post-partum would have been better at home, I'm sure. Although the hospital is really great - I mean, couples come in from all over the state to have their babies there - I didn't really like being cared for by a team. I couldn't remember anybody's name. I had no idea who was in charge of what. There were so many organizational glitches because of the unexpected number of babies born that week ( 25 in a matter of a few days). AND my cell phone got stolen. None of this would have happened at home. I could have labored in peace at home. My mw would have been in charge of me and my baby. There would have been no hassles with roommates' non-stop chatter (before and after birth) or moms too worried about their babies to open a freaking window in the heat (no AC or ventilator in the hospital). And definitely no thieves at home either.

But, you can't always get what you want . . . .
post #7 of 61
Terrilein- that sounds horrible. I would definitely have a hard time laboring with other women! I hope your recovery gets easier!

3 weeks here Jack is a very mellow baby so far he is a big eater which makes it surprising that I got mastitis so early and it sure was persistent. I have had it before and have been about to nurse and rest through it but after a few days I called the doctor and went on abx. I have to take them 4 times a day 1 hour before food or 2 hours after. It is way too much for me to remember, then I am trying to get a probiotic in there too to try to avoid the yeasties.

The girls are adapting well they adore the little one. DD#2 has decided that she is sleeping in her bed all night long which has been a nice treat. I don't know how long it will last but I am enjoying it while I have it. She usually comes in to snuggle around 6:30 and she is really proud of herself that she is sleeping alone.

My recovery has been smooth sailing aside form the emotional ups and downs. Sometimes I need to remind myself that we are still on a new journey and that it's ok to not have things all figured out yet. I feel bad that the kids are watching too much TV or that I haven't really cooked anything decent lately but everyone seems happy and that needs to be enough right now.
post #8 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakaikai View Post
I still find it amazing, giving birth. It's so weird how we can perform this amazing act and still everyone around us carries on like normal having completely arbitrary discussions. Sometimes I just want to whisper: ''I made a baby. I gave birth to her. I make milk for her and keep her alive with it. That is phenomenal. And what to make for dinner really is very trivial to be honest!'' But that would sound conceited. But I am just so amazed at how we women create life.
I KNOW! I still, at 3.5 weeks PP, feel this way sometimes. I feel like I'm in this bubble, and people just don't get that I'm not ready to come out yet! Don't come over here and discuss your son's school issues with me--I honestly cannot care right now! I'm starting to come out of the bubble once in a while, bit by bit, but then I need to get back in to recharge.

Terrilein, birthing in a room full of women would be so difficult. That's the exact opposite of what birthing womnen need!

Baby had another day of what I assume is a growth spurt--is that normal? The first one was on Monday, the second one on Saturday. Monday's lasted 24 hours, during which he barely slept and wasn't happy unless he was nursing. Next day all was well. Then yesterday (saturday) he did it again, only this time it only lasted from about 11 AM-9 PM. Then he only woke up twice to nurse in the night.

I've been getting a lot of reading time in with all this nursing! I read 3 novels in less than a week.
post #9 of 61
I wish I could read while nursing! I need both hands to keep this lo on the breast or else his latch slips and he ends up munching on the end of my nipple. Ouch! And it seems like Fritz is constantly in a growth spurt. He eats at least every two hours. And he's very needy for mama's numnums, but he doesn't just comfort suckle. I know I have plenty of milk. And he does spit up some when he burps, but it doesn't seem like he's losing his whole meal. I'm not sure. And some nights I hardly get any sleep and then last night he let me sleep like 7 hours. I hope my mw can come by tomorrow so we can discuss it.
Otherwise I'm not very happy with my babymoon at home. I can't tell you how many loads of laundry I've had to do since I got home yesterday. And then we had to go shopping yesterday because there was nothing fresh to eat at home (there are a few items in the freezer, but I wasn't up to feeding it most of this pg so there's not much). DS needed more clothes and burp cloths and we needed to get those items, too. All in all, we were a good 6 hours shopping yesterday - exactly a week after my c/s. My belly and back hurt. I should be in bed and not shopping and doing chores! But my dd is NOT being cooperative in the least and DP is being just plain clueless. To top it off, he went to visit his mom this afternoon. She was so kind and did freezer feeding for us and he went to pick up the goods. But he made sure to plan his visit so that she would cook lunch for him. Guess he cooked lunch for me? Right. Nobody. I made pancakes for dd, her friend and me from an instant mix. Other than a few olives I've had nothing to eat today. But I'm not even hungry now. I'm too exhausted to eat. And I have to organize and pack for dd's week long circus camp that starts tomorrow.
post #10 of 61
Stretch marks are breaking my heart! And they came in the last week...I had none with DS...now my big PP belly is a mess. Why can't I just be grateful for my miraculous creation, lovely infant, happy family. I'm so vain. I f***ing hate how I look. I can't believe there's nothing that can be done. Waaaaaaaaah.
post #11 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by J. Jones View Post
Stretch marks are breaking my heart! And they came in the last week...I had none with DS...now my big PP belly is a mess. Why can't I just be grateful for my miraculous creation, lovely infant, happy family. I'm so vain. I f***ing hate how I look. I can't believe there's nothing that can be done. Waaaaaaaaah.
Hang in there, mama! I got some new ones but I know that they'll fade and only be visible to me and those who know I wear them. They look bad when they're all purpley, but that will change soon enough.
post #12 of 61
j jones: I hear you. I can't believe the damage number three did to my belly. It's a flabby, abdominal separated, stretch marks all around my belly button mess. AND I always have really horrible hair issues after birth and while nursing. Boobs are big. Clothes don't fit. I bought some larger sized tees for PP but didn't think to get some pants to wear...never can be sure what size to get. And the last thing I'm feeling like doing is shopping. ugh.

Someone mentioned feeling unattractive and people taking pics. I had the same thoughts last night. Everyone is so "oh you're beautiful" when you're a big glowing preggo mom and the congrats are everywhere. And then everyone is "oh she's beautiful" when the baby comes and the congrats are everywhere. But theres no congrats for being a sweaty, stinky, letting your appearance go, blurry eyed, sour milk smelling leaky PP woman wearing baggy maternity pants is there? Noo!!!

You feel sorta lost in mix.
post #13 of 61
Thread Starter 
Mamakaikai - your post resonates with me so much. I really like how you are embracing the feelings, accepting them and yourself. It encourages me to do the same. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom here with us. I also really get what you mean about the wonder around creating life, and everything else seeming so BANAL.

Terrilein - so good to hear an update from you! I was just thinking of you this morning wondering how you are doing. I'm sorry to hear you had such a crappy experience at the hospital and are having a tough time now.

Papayamom - I enjoyed reading your reflections also on the journey and not having everything figured out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by terra-pip View Post
Someone mentioned feeling unattractive and people taking pics. I had the same thoughts last night. Everyone is so "oh you're beautiful" when you're a big glowing preggo mom and the congrats are everywhere. And then everyone is "oh she's beautiful" when the baby comes and the congrats are everywhere. But theres no congrats for being a sweaty, stinky, letting your appearance go, blurry eyed, sour milk smelling leaky PP woman wearing baggy maternity pants is there? Noo!!!

You feel sorta lost in mix.
I so hear you on not knowing what kind of clothes/sizes to wear/get, and feeling flabby, stretch mark-y, etc.

I dare say we do ourselves a favour to try to exercise ourselves back to health and back into shape, but we may not be able to erase the changes that occured to our bodies from childbearing. And that's okay. Look at women all around the world. Mothers aren't supposed to look like size 3 supermodels.

On that note, anybody's dh *NOT* go ga-ga after them in their postpartum body, even though they have gigantic boobs? I strangely feel in the mood but haven't felt a blip on the screen from dh. Not that this is different from the usual. I feel like we devoted so much of ourselves to the children these past few years that we haven't had the time or energy for nookies, and we haven't made it a priority. I think it's time to get some kind of sex life back after this kid and I want to put in the effort to get a fit body back. I kind of let myself go to hell after the two kids but because I didn't want to put in all that hard work to get fit, only to have it go to pot again.

AFM - my doula visited this morning which was great, she's so much fun and great with the kids. She brought photos of the birth, a birth story, muffins, donuts, a book for the baby, and a small package of postpartum herbal bath salts. Nice eh? It was nice to talk with her. She said she and the MWs were amazed by how calm and centered I was during the birth (where is the "can I take a bow" smiley?) and that I knew exactly what I needed. :sheepish That it seemed like I was doing hypnobirthing type stuff (even though I didn't do it) -- I just told her that I was applying deep relaxation/meditation stuff that I learned years ago to cope with panic and anxiety attacks. So wonderful how transferrable those skills are! I had really good support at the birth that allowed me to just go within and release and surrender myself to the birth process.

The MW was here and again checked on my leg. Since only my right leg felt swollen and foot tingly they were worried about deep vein thrombosis possibly. Jolly. Some of the symptoms are missing but I'm advised to page them if certain things show up. It could very well be nothing, just normal edema, but they think it's weird that it's only on the right side.

I am tired out from the drama here at home with the kids. I am sooo tired and ds has wanted to nurse all day. I feel like he gulped up all the lovely milk I had when it came in, and now we're back to having to work some more to keep up with his demand. (I was nodding when I read your post Mummy Marja). Dd1 has been cross with me because she always wants to hold ds and I'm busy nursing him. When she came into the room this afternoon and saw me nursing him, she said, "AGAIN???" I said, "Yes, when I told you all babies do at first is nurse, sleep, pee, poo and cry, I wasn't joking. That's really all they do! Baby needs to nurse all the time!" She finally seemed to get it.

Dd2 is WHINING CONSTANTLY. She was already starting the Tough 2's/3's thing before the baby came, and now it's all day long. I feel like tearing my hair out, but I know she's having a hard time, poor little kid. It's hard to be patient though when I'm tired, sleep deprived, and feeling like I am fighting a cold. Yuck. I don't want to get sick right now.

post #14 of 61
Thread Starter 
Just logging in again to moan that I am so tired. Today was a rough day. We had a lot of visitors which was nice, but I think ds and I both got overstimulated. Ugh. Back to bed to nurse, I hear him stirring.
post #15 of 61
I'm so excited about today becaue I get to go somewhere! WOOT WOOT! Yep, feeling a little house-bound. I've been outside a little but mostly it's too hot and sunny to be out there with DS.

Baby has a midwife check-up today--the first one in 2 weeks. So I'm excited to see her again and find out how much DS has gained. I bet it's lots. It better be, he must have something to show for all this nursing! I will have all 3 kids with me. It'll be 2 hours in the van, I hope Babe is ok. So far he has been pretty content in his carseat.

Surfacing, did you get any sleep?
post #16 of 61
Ug, Surfacing, I totally hear you on the exhaustion front. DS#2 has been taking multiple hours to go back to sleep after middle-of-the-night feedings. My only saving grace is that DS#1 is going to daycare 2 days per week, which allows me to get some sleep when DS#2 sleeps on those days.

I can't believe it's been over a week already. DS's umbilical cord fell off the other day and it made me sad, like the last vestige of pregnancy is gone. As miserable as I was toward the end of pregnancy, I'm already finding myself missing it. A whole bunch of people around me are pregnant and I'm totally jealous of all of them. Sigh...

Other than that, things are good around here. The dread is subsiding (but comes back when I get super super tired), and I'm feeling better physically, but I do find myself having much less patience with DS#1, who is in a total push-the-boundaries phase right now (he's 2.5). Honestly, I don't really know what to do with him - there are so few things that I really put my foot down on, but I don't know how to "put my foot down" effectively. He seems to think it's hilarious when I get angry, and time outs seem to do nothing. So he totally just keeps doing what he's doing, and it's driving me crazy. Fortunately, most of this behavior happens around dinner time, so at least I don't have to put up with it for too long... Ug.
post #17 of 61
Husband is starting up work again. It was nice to have him around most of the day the past nearly 3 weeks. It helped to be able to lay down and nap/nurse or sleep in later in the mornings and have help with the house and meals etc. So why do I still feel so tired even though I had his help these past weeks?

I'm starting to really feel the irritation with my older boys rising at times too. My oldest (7) is on the spectrum and I'm tryng to be patient...but he's been getting too much of an attitude lately. And just flat out not listening and saying no to our simple requests. I have to mention that he has been more helpful with his 3 year old brother, though. Now my 3 year old? He alternates between sweet I love the baby moods to annoying behavior. I was having a hard time with him getting ready for bed the other night...baby was crying because I set her down and I was rushing son. "can I beat up the baby?" he asks. whoa! So he's starting to show some of those emotions...which is good i can talk to him about it.

And I swear it's not my imagination that he really needs something now! the second I sit down to nurse etc.

I felt the tears wanting to come lately because I'm feeling sort of like a half a#% mother to all three.
post #18 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by terra-pip View Post
I felt the tears wanting to come lately because I'm feeling sort of like a half a#% mother to all three.
Me too.
I'm 10 days pp and don't know if I've got the pp blues or if I just feel overwhelmed with the painful nursing, not being there for DS like I was before, tiredness etc.

We had the first visit from the health visitor today who comes at 10 days pp when the midwives have usually discharged you.
DD has lost 7% of her birthweight and is now 6lbs6oz.
DS had lost alot pp too but had regained it all by 14 days.
The HV said that I shouldn't worry because she's peeing lots, is content, not fussy, very alert etc etc.
She watched me nurse and thought latch looked good (it is starting to feel better), babe is gulping down the milk, not fussing at the breast.
I'm nursing every 2-3 hrs, letting her sleep one longer stretch at night. I woke her to nurse after nearly 5 hrs last night because I was so full and uncomfortable.
Also she's only doing 1-2 bms per day and they're a dark green colour. Normal, liquidy texture but green?
Again HV said don't worry, maybe her digestive system is slow to get going.
She's going to come back on Friday to weigh again and then in a week's time.

I need to see some weight gain and seedy yellow poops to know that all is well!!!!!
post #19 of 61
WAHH! I can't wait to cross over to this side

But I am getting a lot out of lurking on this thread. Thanks for the wisdom, mommas! I will try and remember some of it for when I get there with the new little one.
post #20 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by welsh View Post
Also she's only doing 1-2 bms per day and they're a dark green colour. Normal, liquidy texture but green?
Sounds like foremilk/hindmilk issues. Green poop in bf infants can mean she's getting too much foremilk. Maybe you could keep her on one breast longer ragther than switch her to the other breast. Or express a bit of the milk before she latches on so that she gets more of the hindmilk. I'd try that and see if her poops turn yellow. Is she super gassy?
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