Is this traumatizing?

[strmis]

So, trying to shorten the amount of time it takes to nurse DD (25 mos) to sleep. I let her nurse for half hour and then DH takes over. I feel so bad leaving because she is usually screaming "Mama, gatas (milk)" for the next 10 15 mins or so, I figure, at least DH is there to comfort and soothe her. She eventually stops and EVENTUALLY falls asleep. What do you ladies think? Should I change up the routine?

What I'm trying to accomplish is not nursing her for an hour or more to bed. Its exhausting for me and I don't have the patience to keep doing that.

[mizzoh]

i don't think that is traumatizing. i assume she wants to nurse that long for comfort and not because she is actually hungry? there is nothing wrong with her crying in the comfort of daddy's arms. how does she fall alseep after you are done nursing?

[yarngoddess]

The only thing I would add is verbally telling her a time reminder. "DD you have 5 min left of gatas." Then "One more min of Gatas" What else I do is "From 5 to 1, then all done. 5..4..3..2..1...All Done" and regardless of screaming/crying/giggling we are done. I also practice those suggestions during the day too. So they have a consistant "feel" for the time limits. Hope your bedtime routine get's better soon Hang in there! Way to go to DH for taking over and dealing with that sad LO- he must be wonderfull!

[mammal_mama]

Another possibility might be to start your going to sleep routine 30 minutes or so later. Is it possible that she's not completely tired yet?

[LCBMAX]

I'm on the same path with my nightweaned 29 month old son. Sooooooo done with long, and to be honest even short but wiggly bedtime nursing. We've had a hard time figuring out how to do a new bedtime routine without nursing. Sometimes it's my son who doesn't want it, usually it's me.

Last night something worked very naturally. I nursed til he was calm, almost sleepy, and in a lull of sucking, I unlatched him without even thinking about it. I was done, I guess. He calmly, sleepily sat up and asked for more daddy books. I had him say good night to milk, see you in the morning, and got his dad. They had a successful put down via a walk in the ergo, and I was free!

Gonna try it again tonight. Will it work if I'm thinking about it? I dunno. If not, next step is that great 5 to 1 rhyme that a pp described. I wish I could do this as long as my son can, but I just can't. And it's no good for him to get milk from a mama who's energy gets more and more disregulated and irritated the longer it all goes on. Better to go without milk with calm easy daddy.

[EdnaMarie]

Not if her father is there. After all, she cries during the day at times, doesn't she?

I hope it gets better soon.

[LCBMAX]

OK, well, checking in here --
tonight in our house I'm gonna say Yes it's traumatizing, but only for the grown ups. Or is that just what I tell myself so I don't go in there and stop the sobbing with a breast?

This is the 2nd or 3rd night in a row of cutting off the nursing at some obvious moment. I ask my son to say good night to milk, and milk says good night to him, and see you in the morning, and mama kisses good night and then daddy takes over. They go for a walk and then cuddle to sleep, which took an hour last night, but with no crying. It's coming up on an hour again tonight, and there's crying.

Me not being part of it feels really pretty darn good. Letting go of being the kind of parent who never lets him cry and suffer if I can help it is harder. But he is 2.5, so I know this is right. He won't learn resilience if there's no struggle in his life, right? Right? And being with daddy is the best place for that at this age. But again, holy hard.

And I know my husband really doesn't have his chops yet for soothing a long-crying toddler... This takes a big toll on him, especially after a long work day and with a cranky wife.

How's it going at your house, OP?

[ssh]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

Me not being part of it feels really pretty darn good. Letting go of being the kind of parent who never lets him cry and suffer if I can help it is harder. But he is 2.5, so I know this is right. He won't learn resilience if there's no struggle in his life, right? Right? And being with daddy is the best place for that at this age. But again, holy hard.

Your DS will learn resilience when he's old enough to understand the idea of 'struggle' intellectually. Right now he just wants his milk and mommy. Does he have all his teeth in yet? My DD stopped most of her nightwaking after her last set of molars were in. It's pretty common to decrease nightnursing after all the teeth are in.

For the OP, you probably have only a few more months of teething and being demanding about nursing. If you are feeling bad then something is probably wrong.

Both of you have LOs at an age when they are about to become less demanding on their own, so you really don't have to work so hard it will just happen.

I don't mean to offend, with my nursing on demand ideas and my independent 4.5 year old. We just chose not to have any negative associations with sleep and it worked. Your babies are about to become preschoolers and you may not want to miss out on that sweet baby closeness while they still need you during the night.

[LCBMAX]

OP, I'm really curious to know how bedtimes are going for you. Any updates?

Originally Posted by ssh

We just chose not to have any negative associations with sleep and it worked. Your babies are about to become preschoolers and you may not want to miss out on that sweet baby closeness while they still need you during the night.

It's nice to hear how well that worked out for your family. Nursing has never been pain free for me, and sleeplessness meant huge hits to my health in every area, so choosing not to have negative associations wasn't possible on my side of the equation. I did choose to deal with the pain as long as I absolutely could so that my son would not have negative associations, and only nightweaned when I was sure my son was ready. I think having his dad available all night long means the little one is still getting his night time need for closeness met, while also having a healthier mama. But that's just what works in our house. Congratulations on what sounds like a truly dreamy sleep world in your house.

Re the resilience thing - I'm sure you understand that I'm not asking him to have resilience for anything inappropriate for his development. I'm just talking about my son learning to let himself be soothed by bedtime cuddles from his beloved daddy instead of mommy milk. I don't agree that resilience is learned when someone has the intellectual skills to understand struggle. I think it happens every time we encounter a challenge and recover our equilibrium. Probably just semantics.

[strmis]

hey!! sorry about that, meant to respond earlier but things got crazy here at the office

well, its only been a couple nights but hasnt been too bad. I tell her 30 mins, 20 mins, 15 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins... as another post had mentioned and it seems to be working (its early, so hard to tell)

she seems to be falling asleep faster because she knows that if she makes a real effort to fall asleep I'll stay and nurse her OR hold her til she falls asleep. Anyways, don't wanna wake up a baby that is so close to falling asleep.

All in all, not too bad, not even all that traumatizing now that she has a concept of time. We'll see though, every day is so different with a 2 y/o. She can be so bi-polar sometimes

[LCBMAX]

Yay! Please keep updating if you don't mind. I do notice the same phenomenon of him trying to fall asleep faster too. But I keep passing him off to daddy because I'm really needing to cut back on the gymnastic nursing that he can get into. And - he's not actually able to fall asleep faster, he's just trying. I'm feeling good about it tonight because he's calm and happy when he says "night night milk" and then he says "I wan' my dadeee." Those are so sweet to hear.

But as you say, seriously rapidly cycling polarity of moods! So in an hour, I may be conflicted again...