Weekly thread, July 25 - Aug 1 - Page 3

[Carita]

lnf - good for you staying side by side your babe in nicu - i can't imagine any mom leaving.

dani is doing better already with head control in her bouncer. i use a towel to help prop her anyway, ut she is really close to touching the floor! and i got laughs and smiles today. she's usually quiet unless she's telling me to change her diaper or that she's hungry LOL... usually its diaper change, but when she wants me and dh has her, its all about the mommy milk LOL. we aren't good about taking regular baths but se was a bit fussy and it wasn't bedtime yet - dh had taken ds on an adventure walk, so we got some bath time. she has gorgeous blue eyes!

[Dena]

Originally Posted by Carita

lnf - good for you staying side by side your babe in nicu - i can't imagine any mom leaving.

Sadly, I saw a lot of the same when we were in the NICU with dd1. Our doula told us that parents that stay/visit daily are the exception - that most just come to pick up the baby when s/he is ready to go home.

At Children's however, where we were, parental involvement is encouraged and cheered - they actually make chart notes when mom/dad come to visit, and we were the darlings of the NICU because we were there all.the.time. I simply can't imagine having a staff that DISCOURAGED that. It would increase the trauma of the experience a thousandfold.

[OneWithTwo]

I'm very grateful for our NICU.

I had bad days. Awful days. I fought with them. I butted heads with them....in the end though, I am grateful.
I'm grateful because J had his own room. They provided a bed for campbell and I to live there for 42 days. They allowed a 3yr old to LIVE in the NICU. They brought us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They had rooms we could check out over night and stay in. They had showers.

With C, we had to go home at night. At that NICU they kick you out now for two hours during shift changes and by a certain time at night now...I am so grateful I got to live with J in the NICU. Again, I did fight with the Dr's. Some nurses were *$*&@*..but I am still grateful and we parted ways on a good note.

[OneWithTwo]

Originally Posted by Dena

Sadly, I saw a lot of the same when we were in the NICU with dd1. Our doula told us that parents that stay/visit daily are the exception - that most just come to pick up the baby when s/he is ready to go home.

At Children's however, where we were, parental involvement is encouraged and cheered - they actually make chart notes when mom/dad come to visit, and we were the darlings of the NICU because we were there all.the.time. I simply can't imagine having a staff that DISCOURAGED that. It would increase the trauma of the experience a thousandfold.

I was told I was the only mom who had stayed the entire time?
They LOVED campbell there. They had her help with basic stuff and involved her and I loved that. I had my own chart that I noted when I fed him, did KK, and changed dipes. I did temp checks, changed clothes and bathed him. It wasn't peaches and cream 100% of the time, but I would gladly be there again if I had to and I wouldn't hold anything against them. The most important part how they involved C. It's traumatic enough on a sibling and they made her feel comfortable about things.

[loveneverfails]

These ones seemed actively annoyed that I was there the whole time. Like, really annoyed. They tried to get me to see them as "babysitters" and kept making comments about the kids I had at home. Well, DUH! Of course they want their mom! But hospitalized child's needs have to come first.

I understand when you're talking about premature infants who have serious issues requiring a respirator or other major support, and the parent most often can't stay there for months. But dude... Full term. Otherwise completely healthy, aside from getting antibiotics twice a day. WHY THE HELL WOULD I LEAVE THAT BABY ALONE!? WHY WOULDN'T I BE THERE WITH HER, CONSTANTLY!?!?!

Sorry, but I don't "visit" my kids. I live with them. And if my baby's diapered butt is in the NICU? GUESS WHERE MINE WILL BE!!!

[snoopy5386]

Wow, all these NICU stories, just wow....I'm thankfull we've never had to go through what some of you ladies and babies have gone through.....

Cleaning schedule - I have one too, it is printed out and sitting on my cabinet - problem is I'm usually not here often enough to do anything on it!

In wonderful baby news Kelsey was able to grab her feet for the first time tonight!!! And she is *this close* to rolling over from back to belly, she'll be there within a week I bet. It has all come on so suddenly, since the weekend she has become super squirmy baby, trying to roll and sliding herself down and almost out of the bouncy seat or carseat. It is crazy!! DD1 didn't roll until 8 or 9 months which I know is really late, but still I'm not ready!!!!!

So can I vent about extended family for a moment? Both of our parents are divorced so we have 4 sets of grandparents:
MIL and SFIL who are the best grandparents ever!
My dad who loves my kids like crazy but has very severe health issues which prevent him from visiting often.
FIL and SMIL who are just weird, hands off, disappointing grandparents. We spent Friday with them - they rent a summer house in upstate NY from May-October, but return home to NJ at least once a month (they are retired). In past years despite us asking them to let us know when they'd be back in NJ so we could come up from MD to see them, they have basically ignored us for those 6 months and then complain about never getting to see us?? This year since we have the new baby, we were actually able to arrange a visit with them. This is only their 2nd time seeing DD2 since she's been born. FIL never held her the whole visit and SMIL held her for maybe 10 mins? They mostly ignore the kids and just talk to us...On the surface it seems ok - but they just don't really interact with the kids. For example, we went out to dinner with them and while we were waiting for a table, DD1 and I started a game of I-Spy. Instead of joining in they just sat there in silence ignoring us both....just weird, I just don't get them.
And then, there is my mom. You may remember me venting about her back in April - she was supposed to come help after the baby was born (she had the week off after the baby was born), but instead she backed out with very lame excuses and came to visit for 4 hours when DD2 was over a month old. Well, we are back to that again - she works for a school district and has all of July and August off. She was supposed to come down to visit, first it was the 2nd week in July, then the 3rd, then the last, and then finally she said she'd come next week which was perfect because DH will be out of town for a conference for 3 days of that week and I could really use her help. Well today she calls and of course, she is not coming - her cat is sick. She's visited us maybe 5 times in the 3 years we've lived here despite her ample time off from work. I'm getting so tired of being disappointed by her false promises. And of course she's been telling DD1 that she's coming to visit for weeks now, so now I have to break it to her that Grammy is in fact, not coming. And to top it all of I'm already getting many, many vibes of favoritism towards DD1 from her. I get that DD1 is her 1st grandchild, but this is not ok with me. She barely asks about DD2 when we talk on the phone, has only seen her twice since she has been born, just acts very, very different compared to when DD1 was born.

Oh well, at least we have one "good" set of grandparents.

[smeisnotapirate]

Ugh, that's crappy. I'm sorry your mom is so......... weird.

LNF, that's just ridiculous. You (of course) did the right thing. I can't imagine anyone being annoyed at a mother who wanted to stay with her baby.

My mom and my dad's parents and one of his sisters will be up tomorrow. I'm excited, and even moreso now that DH spent the night while I was at work CLEANING. *falls over* This is my husband who never even wipes crumbs off the counter. I mentioned that they were coming tomorrow (from FL and OH!) and I'd like to get this room vacuumed as I was walking out the door to work. I come home and the floor is picked up and vacuumed!!

Oh, and we have a blog now. I've added Ivory and Johanna's blogs onto our blogroll - anyone else have blogs so I can keep up with you crazy kids?

[rhiOrion]

I have a blog, but I think I've only updated it like three times since L was born.
http://zachandrhi2point0.wordpress.com/

L slept for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT last night. I don't think that's ever happened before. And it was in the nap nanny, and NOT on me! I made doublely sure that the nap nanny was pulled all the way over to the bed side of the crib and that there is plenty of room between it and the crib rails.

Not-so-good is that we both seem to have colds. She has a stuffy nose. I have typical cold symptoms.

[jenfl]

I have http://homemade-homeschool.blogspot.com, but it's focused on Montessori homeschooling the kids.

[laughingfox]

Originally Posted by rhiOrion

The crib shouldn't have had a bumper!

You know, I don't know why it's so hard to find breathable bumpers. My niece got her adorably pudgy baby leg very firmly wedged between two crib spindles once when she and my sister were in town, and I had to go out and buy a bumper for her. I couldn't find anything but the padded ones. I don't really understand how those are still on the market after all the deaths and warnings and everything.

Originally Posted by jsh7809

We've never been good cleaners although I've wanted to be and don't know how.

I grok you there. I was trying to clean the house a bit more last night, and I couldn't figure out what to do. I can clean stuff off the floor, do laundry, dishes, etc, but with the little stuff, I'm just lost. I just don't get it and have no idea how to proceed.

LNF- You are a warrior, plain and simple. I know that you're distracted by the huge pain that the hospital was, but you really should step back and be proud of yourself, mama. Then get right back to giving them hell.

You NICU mamas all have my sympathies and my respect. It's too much of an ordeal to go through right after giving birth, but you all did it anyway.

afm- We went to my grandparents' house for dinner last night, and I feel like I just undid my last week's worth of going to the gym and eating well. Oops. Oh, well.
I really hope my grandparents continue to do well long enough for DD2 to remember them. They are both such fantastic people.
My grandpa was making faces at DD2 yesterday to make her smile, and it was the cutest thing ever. He used to hold DD1 and make snorting noises at her to get her to giggle, too. I wish I had a video of that.

DD2 really seems like she's teething. She was on my lap at dinner last night, and she kept leaning forward, grabbing the edge of the table, and chewing on it. There was a big slobber spot on the table cloth from her.

[Carita]

snoopy - well good thing you have 4 sets so you've got the odds working for you LOL

we have 4 sets as well. and I am blessed that they all love our grandkids, but FIL & SMIL are VERY hands off. It's a bit weird. They never visit - they live 2 hrs away and they haven't seen the baby yet & didn't come to DS's bday party!!! yet they made a 7 hr trip to see their other gdaughter on her bday. whatever - in my book, they are the ones missing out.
MIL & SMIL are just so burnt out taking care of their other kids/gkids. DH's fam is a bit white trash and his half-sister and step sister both have 2 kids out of wedlock and live on the system. My MIL helps them out a lot. Which is a bit sad that she misses out on her other gkids. If we didn't have my parents, maybe it would be different because then we'd be higher on the needing-grandparent-help list.
my mom & SF are awesome & when we lived nearby took my son overnight 1x/week.
my dad & SM are awesome too & my dad WAH, so he often would often stop in and just help out if he had a 15 min break.

I am so missing living next to them already!!! *wah*

Ohhh - baby girl totally has the lights on if YKIM!!! she is sitting so well in her activity center and really holding and playing with her toys. when her brother is acting crazy, she if looking at him like she wants to join in and is smiling. she already loves her older brother - I can tell she already wants to do what he is doing! LOL. anyway - its amazing how old she is acting and its my last baby and i don't know how the time went so fast *more crying*

[nikirj]

My blog:

http://lifeatnikis.blogspot.com/

I've been reading the blogs of several of our DDC people and will eventually add those I read regularly to my blogroll, but for now have been using other people's links...I think I read everyone who posts regularly.

[Peace+Hope]

it is SO hard to manage expectations about grandparents, especially our own moms! snoopy. my mom has not met charlie yet. she was dragging her feet about coming (which she had promised to do) after he was born, and then my dad was diagnosed w/ prostate cancer. sooo..... she had good reason eventually, but at the time, it hurt a lot. they'll be staying w/ us for 3 weeks (coming in 1 1/2 weeks!), and i'm really looking forward to it. i'm trying not to have expectations though, b/c my mom is essentially tied down by waiting on my dad constantly, and he'll be here too. soo.... not sure i can expect much. also, they were supposed to be retiring about 30-40 mins away from us, but now are putting that off. i hate that they are missing so much, for my sister too, who just had her first. and i'm nervous b/c she is very opinionated about CIO, spoiling ideas and babies, but in a passive-aggressive way

on the other hand, my MIL just lost her job, and has been GREAT. i thought we'd never see her (situation w/ other gkids burnout and a very consuming career), but i've been very pleasantly surprised. she's using her time to re-focus and spend time with us. she just spent the morning here yesterday, and i almost finished painting charlie's room!

maybe i'm too late for the NICU discussion, but we were very thankful to have a good situation as well. the night i was discharged, we were able to stay in a room to sleep near the NICU (they have 4 for parents, with a shared bath). and the next day, charlie was moved to a transition room, which is a whole hospital room with a private bath and a bed for us. and the staff were very supportive about us being there. because i was EBF, they really worked hard to support us. the hospital was working to get a special mom/baby friendly certification.

LNF, it sounds like your phone convo went well if they are offering for you to meet with that doc!! if you can stomach it, i hope you do. he (and future NICU families) could really benefit from being (gently) confronted.

rhi, sorry you guys are sick!

just for fun: http://milasdaydreams.blogspot.com/

i have an idea for one with charlie!

[Peace+Hope]

serial post

OMG, nicki, where you live is GORGEOUS! i can't believe your back porch! i feel cooler just looking at your blog pics

[loveneverfails]

DR. UAV LIED TO THE DIRECTOR OF WOMEN'S SERVICES, AND STATED THAT HE HAD APOLOGIZED TO ME THE DAY OF. AND I GOT TO GENTLY TELL HER THAT HE LIED. SHE WAS NOT HAPPY.

Wow... she had to have put a significant amount of pressure on him for him to do something as stupid as telling a blatant lie like that.

And they will be looking into making some sort of step down unit within the NICU where parents can transition and treat it like a half-way house going out of NICU. So, that is good.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I knocked this out of the park.

AND her complete medical records are in the mail today. I said that they were the only real baby book that I had from my daughter's first 10 days of life (insert teeny tiny violin in the background here), and I have them all coming. Every single scrap of information.

Let the games begin.

[Pepper44]

LNF, how could parents not stay? That's horrible to think of.

My blog is www.azuroo.blogspot.com I have some of your blogs in google reader, I need to subscribe to the rest!

My sinuses hurt so bad today. Do you all know if Mucinex is safe to take while breastfeeding? Google gave me different answers. The neti pot isn't helping, for the first time ever. Sudafed makes me feel really strange and I hate it. Benedryl makes me high and hyper, lol. I'm really sensitive to side effects from medications.

Ada seems to be teething like crazy. She's eating everything and sometimes she shoves her hand in her mouth and wails. She has two little white bumps on her bottom gums. I am not ready for the end of the gummy smiles already, noooo!

DD1 is watching Bambi and I'm sobbing. Stupid Disney cartoon, stupid adorable baby deer with no mommy.

[Pepper44]

Originally Posted by loveneverfails

DR. UAV LIED TO THE DIRECTOR OF WOMEN'S SERVICES, AND STATED THAT HE HAD APOLOGIZED TO ME THE DAY OF. AND I GOT TO GENTLY TELL HER THAT HE LIED. SHE WAS NOT HAPPY.

Wow... she had to have put a significant amount of pressure on him for him to do something as stupid as telling a blatant lie like that.

And they will be looking into making some sort of step down unit within the NICU where parents can transition and treat it like a half-way house going out of NICU. So, that is good.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I knocked this out of the park.

AND her complete medical records are in the mail today. I said that they were the only real baby book that I had from my daughter's first 10 days of life (insert teeny tiny violin in the background here), and I have them all coming. Every single scrap of information.

Let the games begin.

HAH!! I can't believe he lied. I hope this all helps with your healing process, and it sounds like you might be able to make a real change in the NICU....

[Knitting Mama]

We have a blog but I seriously never post in it. I always say I'm going to blog, and people tell me I should, but I just never do it. There's a part of me that is 100% positive that I will have nothing good to say, so why bother starting?

Cecilia finally slept well again last night. She slept 7 hours (7 pm to 3 am), then we got up and nursed/supplemented, and went back to bed at 5 am until 8 am. Feels good to be rested again!

[jsh7809]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama

We have a blog but I seriously never post in it. I always say I'm going to blog, and people tell me I should, but I just never do it. There's a part of me that is 100% positive that I will have nothing good to say, so why bother starting?

Cecilia finally slept well again last night. She slept 7 hours (7 pm to 3 am), then we got up and nursed/supplemented, and went back to bed at 5 am until 8 am. Feels good to be rested again!

Yay, Aimee! I've been wondering how you're doing. I have to say I had one of those "finally got some rest and somehow feel more exhausted" days yesterday but it's also super foggy out.

Gotta go but just want to say again how grateful I am for all of you! LNF, you are rocking that NICU and making it better for future parents and babes, hooray!!

Mega hugs to all.

[loveneverfails]

I am floored that he was that freaking stupid, but he must have been panicked. You have to be seriously panicking in order to make a blatantly untrue statement like that, inventing a conversation that never happened. It's a very stupid mistake to make, and this guy isn't stupid. Vindictive, a jerk, and all around failure at life, but not dumb.

This is awesome.