VERY unique situation. Please Help!

[chicmom]

Okay, this is going to be a long one, so grab a cup of coffee and have a seat

My stbx and I have been married for 5 1/2 years. We have 3 children under 5. We were living in a small town in rural NE. Our 2.5 year old was diagnosed in December with autism. At that time, we decided that I would move to NJ and stay with my inlaws and the children so our son could receive early intervention through NJ since what was offered in NE was not that great. We left on Jan. 18th. My stbx stayed behind in Nebraska to close up his dental practice. He came out to NJ May 28th. We signed a lease for an apartment and moved in June 1st. I was miserable the whole time I was in NJ, but stuck it out for our son.

Once he moved to be with us, I could not handle the situation anymore. He is very controlling in every aspect of our lives. I told him that I was taking the 3 children to Omaha to visit my parents on July 3rd and that we would be back a week later. While I was in Omaha, I filied for a legal separation and told him we were not coming back. I said that I changed my mind.

In the meantime, he has filed a custuty order in NJ wanting full custody of our children. He can not file for divorce as he has not been a resident there for a year.

So, now we are in limbo waiting to find out where jurisdiction is. From what I understand the children's home state is where they have resided at least 6 months prior to the filing. We were in NJ for 5 1/2 months.

We are now living with my parents. I got a RN job, my son will start special ed preschool August 12, my 4.5 year old will start pre-k Sept. 8th. I have also started private speech therapy for our autistic child.

Do you think that jurisdiction will be here? If will really not be able to handle it if I have to go back in NJ. My whole family is here. My children were born and raised here until we went to NJ in January. My husband has made no attempt to communicate with the children. Nothing. No phone calls, mail, or email. I have told him I want to have joint custdy with him here in Nebraska and he can have access to the children whenever he wants.

What do you think the judge will decide?

[pinksprklybarefoot]

While in New Jersey, did you do things that would start the process of establishing residency there (registering to vote, getting a NJ drivers' license)? That might help your case, especially since you didn't quite make it to six months.

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

While in New Jersey, did you do things that would start the process of establishing residency there (registering to vote, getting a NJ drivers' license)? That might help your case, especially since you didn't quite make it to six months.

I think she wants the case to be decided in NE, so she can stay there.

OP - I'm sorry, I have no idea. Do you have a lawyer? That's your first step. It sounds complicated, because at the moment, you may not meet the residency requirements in either state. I would imagine the issues of your perception of the services in two states, and the issue of his having closed his practice may complicate things.

[LittleBattleAxe]

This is actually not uncommon at all. You filed the papers in NE. Was he served papers in NJ? If so, if he was served and accepted papers, NE has jurisdiction in the matter.

In some cases when the spouse cannot be found, you have to issue a notice in the NJ papers and make a reasonable effort to locate him; but if he cannot be located, after you've shown a reasonable effort, the proceedings can continue. This doesn't sound at all the case here, though.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by chicmom

Okay, this is going to be a long one, so grab a cup of coffee and have a seat

My stbx and I have been married for 5 1/2 years. We have 3 children under 5. We were living in a small town in rural NE. Our 2.5 year old was diagnosed in December with autism. At that time, we decided that I would move to NJ and stay with my inlaws and the children so our son could receive early intervention through NJ since what was offered in NE was not that great. We left on Jan. 18th. My stbx stayed behind in Nebraska to close up his dental practice. He came out to NJ May 28th. We signed a lease for an apartment and moved in June 1st. I was miserable the whole time I was in NJ, but stuck it out for our son.

Once he moved to be with us, I could not handle the situation anymore. He is very controlling in every aspect of our lives. I told him that I was taking the 3 children to Omaha to visit my parents on July 3rd and that we would be back a week later. While I was in Omaha, I filied for a legal separation and told him we were not coming back. I said that I changed my mind.

In the meantime, he has filed a custuty order in NJ wanting full custody of our children. He can not file for divorce as he has not been a resident there for a year.

So, now we are in limbo waiting to find out where jurisdiction is. From what I understand the children's home state is where they have resided at least 6 months prior to the filing. We were in NJ for 5 1/2 months.

We are now living with my parents. I got a RN job, my son will start special ed preschool August 12, my 4.5 year old will start pre-k Sept. 8th. I have also started private speech therapy for our autistic child.

Do you think that jurisdiction will be here? If will really not be able to handle it if I have to go back in NJ. My whole family is here. My children were born and raised here until we went to NJ in January. My husband has made no attempt to communicate with the children. Nothing. No phone calls, mail, or email. I have told him I want to have joint custdy with him here in Nebraska and he can have access to the children whenever he wants.

What do you think the judge will decide?

You need a lawyer. You also need to document each and every instance of controlling/abusive behavior he has exhibited ever. If you don't have exact dates, write down approximately when it was.

But, you left, and cut off his access to his children. So, custody very well may be switched b/c that doesn't look like you want there to be a relationship. That said, lawyer up and see what you can do. Were you served properly with papers?

[chicmom]

The only thing I did to show established residency in Nj was apply for my RN licence (I am not however licenced there. I did not complete the last step) and sign the 1 year apartment lease. Our son is also enrolled in school for the fall, however he still has to evaluated to determine which class is appropriate for him. Both our drivers licences are NE, our cars are licenced in NE, we also have real estate in NE. My stbx is still employeed in Omaha. He is an associate at a dental practice in Omaha, he kind of works there whenever he wants, but he has never resigned that position. We are both registered to vote in NE.

The separation papers from me were filed in NE, but served in NJ. He was served properly. A sheriff delivered his papers at work and he signed for them.

The custody papers from him were filed in NJ, but served to me in NE. As for me, my papers came via Fed Ex overnight and they were sitting on the front porch Thursday afternoon. I didn't even know they were there until my mom mentioned there was a package @ the front door. The doorbell never rang and I did not sign anything.

[Theia]

Have you acknowledged receipt of the papers from NJ? The FedEx package doesn't sound like a proper serve, but depending on if you acknowledged receipt in any way to him or his legal rep could negate that.

This is something that is going to require a lawyer. The sooner you get legal representation hopefully the better the chances are that jurisdiction will be kept in NE. Sorry you are in this situation.

As for documenting the abuse, recognize that there are many forms of abuse such as financial, emotional, verbal, and physical. Did he ever threaten you physically? Document his ways of controlling you and your DC, and also document all communications between you and him and the DC, or lack thereof.

[cycle]

NE should have jurisdiction since you have to be a resident of NJ for 6 months before you can file anything there. Did he lie on the paperwork and say he had been there longer? Did the paperwork you filed in NE include anything about custody? I would get a lawyer but in the meantime you could call the court where he filed in NJ, talk to the judge's clerk if a judge has been assigned and explain the situation, or talk to the court clerk to get info. I am in NJ and they are pretty strict about the 6 month jurisdiction.

[chicmom]

I have an attorney here in NE, but I also going to have to get one in NJ to clarify this "order for custody" that I was "served.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by chicmom

I have an attorney here in NE, but I also going to have to get one in NJ to clarify this "order for custody" that I was "served.

Depending on what county you are in I may have some recommendations for you for attorneys. PM if you don't feel comfortable saying what county it is publicly.

[chicmom]

The order has been filed in Middlesex County. I have spoken to one firm over the phone on Friday. The legal secretary said that she was going to do some investigating. I have plans to call her Monday morning.

[Latte Mama]

He came out to NJ May 28th

Well if he didn't get to NJ until the end of May, does that affect the 6 month rule as well? Or is just the kids that have to be residents for 6 months? Because if he can't file for divorce in NJ, how can he file for custody in NJ when he has only been there for 2 months?

[Halfasianmomma]

The Fedex serving...I work in a law firm and use bailiffs regularly to serve proceedings. Generally, if the recipient isn't home, a 2nd attempt is made; if the 2nd attempt fails and no one answers the door, it is acceptable to leave the proceedings on the doorstep or in the mailbox. It looks to me like the Fedex guy didn't proceed correctly, but he may have written things otherwise in his report.

[Avani]

I see all kinds of things that could shift the dynamic of jurisdiction. If i had to venture a guess it would be NE however with the whole family up and moving to New Jersey i could see your ex having a very good fight on his hands. How do you feel about sharing custody during every holiday and vacation across the country? Because that is what you are now up against. Splitting travel costs and not seeing your kids for weeks. Because even if you keep jurisdiction in NE you will have to deal with the above if your ex stays in NJ. Looks like you will have quite the court battle on your hands. You did a pretty sneaky thing and the judge will see that.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by chicmom

The order has been filed in Middlesex County. I have spoken to one firm over the phone on Friday. The legal secretary said that she was going to do some investigating. I have plans to call her Monday morning.

I am further south than you and the attorneys I know don't work in that county. I am glad you found one attorney already, I would still call the courthouse and see if there is anything you can do yourself (in NJ). Did you file first in NE? Did your filing include custody issues?

There is no way he can legally file in NJ unless he lied about his residency or yours and the kids. You are all still residents of NE and I am sure it will be cleared up easily. I just did some checking and the residency requirement for NJ to file for divorce in one year. I know it is at least 6 months for child custody issues but combined with the divorce it could be one year.

[chicmom]

In his paperwork, he is stating that he is a resident of NJ and that I am, too which is not true. It was not my intention to live in NJ permantly, just to get early intervention services for our son. He bullied me into signing the lease and staying in NJ as long as we did. He told me that our son would not get better in NE and that if we moved back there, he would be institutionalized. He kept saying, "You are his mother, why can't you suck it up and stay here so he can get better."

My papers for legal separation stated that I wanted custody until the temporary hearing.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by chicmom

In his paperwork, he is stating that he is a resident of NJ and that I am, too.

My papers for legal separation stated that I wanted custody until the temporary hearing.

He lied, I would call the court and tell them the situation and see if there is anything you can do yourself. It may be as easy as filing a response with the proof of NE residency.

[Avani]

Early intervention is a huge ongoing process. Not something that happens over a few months and that's it. you say you were all in nj and waiting whole your stbx closed down his practice and signed a years lease in new jersey. Even though he might not get jurisdiction he does have proof on his side that you were intending to be in jersey. Also if he has any correspond from you in relation to you merely visiting your family in Nebraska then that shows the sneakiness of the situation. Just be prepared.

[Rosehip]

Did you get married in Nebraska? It looks to me like residency requirements in Nebraska are such that one of you must have been living in the state for the year prior to filing, or you were married in Nebraska and one of you lived in Nebraska continuously from the time of the marriage to the time of the filing. So it's not clear that you would meet NE residency requirements either.

[chicmom]

We were married in Nebraska. I moved to MA after we were married while my stbx was in dental school. I never claimed residency there, so was a still a NE resident for the 2.5 years we were there? Uh, this is so complicated. I am so stressed. I just want to be here in NE with my kids.