need some encouragement today

[Devaya]

I'm feeling really exhausted, lonely and, well, fed up, just lately. I was feeling quite positive about things, and then the last few days it just all seems to have 'hit' me - deadlines with a part time course I'm doing, realising how disorganised my paperwork is and how it's affecting my course, my son (33 months) refusing to nap and then when he does, staying up till 10 pm, feeling like I never get on top of the house...all of which feels like it would be bearable if I just had a partner (I know, I know) or just a supportive family network around me.

I'm really feeling the absence of a partner. I keep seeing happy looking couples everywhere and just longing for what they have. It's been a year since I split with my ex (My decision) and it's the longest I've ever been single. I'm just finding it all a bit tedious at the moment and longing for some kind of...relief, I guess. Which never seems to come. Don't get me wrong, I have many happy moments, I have good friends and so on, and I know I am very blessed in many ways - but the being a single mom thing has just really started to seem very hard lately.

It's a pity that 'why I love being a single mom' thread doesn't seem to be around anymore, b/c I need it today!

[hillymum]

Couldn't read and not offer hugs and support!

[rebelmama]

I know it's been a week since you posted this but I just wanted to send you hugs and let you know how much I empathize with you! I left my sons dad 10 months ago and moved to my home country. My 24 month old and I sleep in my parents basement and I spend all of my days chasing after him except for his 2-3 hour naps when I am running around trying to get things done. Most nights he doesn't fall asleep until about 10pm AND he is still a voracious night nurser! My family is helpful in many ways(ie. putting a roof over our head...which is huge) but I often feel very much like I am doing it alone. They don't have the time or stamina to babysit(but plenty of advice and comments). Never any me time or date nights or just a couple of hours without him where I'm not trying to get things done. Sometimes I am perfectly ok with my situation but last week I was wallowing in silent misery over it. It just felt as if my life was so out of my control and basically in the hands of my little man whom I love and adore but who exhausts me. And forget about a partner! I couldn't even imagine having the time or the desire to get it together to see someone. I don't even think I ever allow myself the luxury of imagining what having a supportive partner might be like.

[single_cj]

Hugs to all of you!!

[Devaya]

Thanks guys. I am still feeling exhausted but suddenly a very likely supportive partner seems to have manifested...we are taking things slowly but it's feeling very right...I don't see this as the 'answer' by any means, I still want proper community around me and not to be reliant and dependent on a man - in fact after my experience with my ex I'm more averse to that than ever. But I'm open to what's emerging. I had a very rejuvenating few days last week when my son went away with his dad. Hes been back 5 days now and already I am feeling quite different...it was so lovely to have that headspace. I have also just weaned him and Im hoping that that will help me to start getting more energy back. He's also started to go to bed a bit earlier lately, when I can prevent him from napping which I can't always. Rebelmama, that sounds so tough, the situation you are in - hugs to you too! I totally hear you with the just needing some time NOT for 'getting things done', but just to BE, to breathe. The few days I had last week showed me that I must, for my own health, find a way to build that into my life more. It's that whole 'your own oxygen masks on first, then help others and children' t hing. But I also feel guilty about using too much daycare as I am only working on a very small scale (and studying).

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Devaya

I still want proper community around me and not to be reliant and dependent on a man - in fact after my experience with my ex I'm more averse to that than ever.

if you want it they will come [sorry got Field of Dreams a lot lately]

Continue living and doing what you do best and they will come.

glad there is a potential someone.

and mama mama mama - according to me the worst kind of stress is - mama guilt. nothing eats up the soul as much as that. be kind to yourself. your ds is at a hard age and both you and your guy will survive this.

please take care of yourself. no one else is going to do it. a happy mama means a happy baby even in the middle of hard circumstances like war.

[Devaya]

Thanks, Meemee. I do believe the community will come - I already have it in some forms (though not quite the way I want it yet), and it's vastly improved from a few years ago. And yes, mama guilt...I know. I don't know how to get rid of it even though I know it's not helpful!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Devaya

I do believe the community will come - I already have it in some forms (though not quite the way I want it yet), and it's vastly improved from a few years ago. And yes, mama guilt...I know. I don't know how to get rid of it even though I know it's not helpful!

i soo hear you on the bolded part. mine is also not quite the way i want it.

mama guilt - i found it disappeared as my dd grew older. as she became more an independent thinking individual it was easier to let go off the guilt. plus i think after dealing with guilt for 4 years - you kinda get tired of it. so in other words time will heal that too.

partly too in retrospect you discover what you had actually feared and were afraid of actually became a postive strength buiding situation. for instance i carried so much guilt because our parenting style was sosooo different. structured vs. non structured. and yet today dd is a much adjusted child in society because she has seen both side. and things that get other kids upset, dd doesnt really care. even my friends have noticed that about her.

however i will say i have used a lot of mental discipline from beating myself up too. just not going there. stopping my thought process when i was going towards guilt. those kind of thoughts pulled me down and gave me tunnel vision which of course was not at all helpful.