Originally Posted by laohaire
Someone asked if this is the hill you want to die on.
I always wonder why people don't ask if this is the hill her MOTHER wants to die on?
SHE'S straining the relationship, and it's all on the OP to just suck it up and let her mother ignore her boundaries.
OP, maybe ask your mother that exactly. "Mom, isn't our relationship and your relationship with your granddaughter more important than winning the argument about whether she can have character toys or not?"
(In case it matters, we have a house full of character toys, so this isn't about my personal opinions on that subject).
Well, I said that and honestly - the most important reason is because it's the OP asking. If the grandmother were on asking I'd probably say the same thing you posted above.
However I also freely admit that I think trying to control gift giving is a relationship mistake, if it's not totally over-the-top insanity (as there have been examples here from time to time).
Usually when people give gifts (not always, for sure, but usually) - it's because they want to share something. It might be fond memories of a particular film, it might be because their friend told them their kids love that stuff - whatever. Sometimes it's a bit thoughtless, or because they went for convenience or the pink aisle or whatever.
Basically I think when we treat our family as the enemy, it's actually being more
consumeristic than not. If the sole badge of a good/acceptable gift is whether it meets our personal asthetic standards or is made in the exact manner in which we expect it to be manufactured, I think there is NO difference between that and someone who only accepts status symbols manufactured in sweatshops.
I do believe in thoughtful consumerism, but I don't believe the time to do the education is at the moment the gift is given to me or my child. I also believe that my child's strong, loving, caring relationships are the absolute antidote to mindless consumerism in the search of filling the void within.
Also, for me, attachment parenting means fostering an attachment to significant and important adults in the extended family and community and I just can't honestly see letting branded merchandise get in the way of that either way. A true safety issue or something really egregious, maybe it is worth it.