Quote:
Originally Posted by VillageMom6  Your mother has decided that she doesn't care about your feelings in this area. What matters to her is what she wants to do. In order to do this, she is counting on you not making a fuss, which is what you continue not to do (understandably).
But if you want this to stop, you're going to have to be willing to have an uncomfortable moment. What I'm suggesting isn't fun but it's effective.
The next time that your mother is manipulative by giving your daughter a known-no-no gift in front of you and dd, you'll need to say something like, "I'm sorry, Mom. I appreciate you wanting to give Susie a gift, but as I've explained we don't allow character items. Please return it and exchange it for something else.".
Then you have to turn into a broken record, saying the same thing over and over without change or else your mother will keep arguing.
She may say, "But Susie likes it!".
You say, "I understand but we don't allow character items. Please exchange it for something else."
Her: "It's just a little doll."
You: "I understand but we don't allow character items. Please exchange it for something else."
Her: "You're being unreasonable. No one else has a problem with a simple Snow White doll!"
You: "I understand but we don't allow character items. Please exchange it for something else."
Your mother may test your boundaries a time or two more, but believe me, she doesn't want the unpleasant encounter any more than you do. Once she realizes that you're willing to have one, she'll quit buying character items!
Good luck!
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I agree with all of this, except maybe the last sentence. MY mother wouldn't stop, on the contrary she would be urged on to cause more provocation (pretending that she couldn't understand why her daughter was being so horrible to her), determined not to "lose".
Your mother sounds pretty manipulative, so maybe she's of the same ilk - but maybe not.
