Overweight and Cosleeping

[Chasing]

I have a gorgeous 4 month old son, Chase. I love having him near me, I love snuggling with him, I love the way he holds my breasts when he sleeps, I love how peacefully he slumbers when he is near me. However, that peace comes at quite a high price for me.

I am around 260 pounds. It is intensely painful for me to lay on my side for more than two hours. When I shift to my back, no matter how carefully I do it, it wakes my baby. Most of the time, he wakes to a point that he wants to nurse, which requires me to shift to my side. The pain in my hips never really goes away and most nights, I do not sleep because of the pain.

I started swaddling him again and putting him in his arm's reach bassinet, and he seems to sleep more peacefully during the night. I want him to be near me, though. I know all the advantages and, yes, it is so blissful having him there.

Right now, the bed we have is a bit small. We should get a bigger bed and a firmer mattress. Maybe that would help?

Or maybe I should just accept that co-sleeping is not the best practice for us?

I don't know.

[LCBMAX]

Oh boy do I remember that. It was like I was still pregnant. My back and my hips hurt so much that I had to roll over to my back in segments. Soon after, needed to change position again. The thing is, I was about 160 then - still am. And 5'5. So for sure I can imagine that being more overweight would have made it harder, but I didn't attribute the pain to my weight.

For me it was all about having to be unmoving so my son could sleep. He was swaddled until about 5 months, and my troubles started when he began fighting the swaddle. My troubles ended with great body work, using a "sacral wedgy", and coaxing my son to snuggle into daddy instead of me. Ultimately, nightweaning (not appropriate for your age baby) and moving out of the family bed has made the most difference, but at about 18 months my son began to be able to sleep near me but with tolerance for my movements. I suffered too too long. I should have been proactive to get more relief sooner.

So for you - well it's 2 or 3 sides of the same coin, isn't it? It's hard to lose weight when you can't sleep, and it's hard to sleep when you're in pain, not to mention when you have a nursing baby.

If you have a partner, I'd get him or her in on the snuggling action, and you sleep on the outside. Partner can shift baby to you for nursing, and partner can shift baby back again after nursing. You sleep essentially solo, or even on your own mattress near them. Bigger bed is always good, and firmer was great for me. I kept a pillow between my knees if I was on my side, and under my knees when I got to be on my back.

Good luck!

[akind1]

A bigger, firmer bed would be a great option!

Have you gone, or do you go, to a chiropracter? they might be able to do something to help with your pain.

I can't lie still very long either. it has helped that DS eats more quickly now than he used to!

I was so happy the pain in my hips went away after DS was born, because I could only sleep on my sides while pregnant.

[Chasing]

Ladies, thank you SO MUCH!

I do go to a chiropractor, but haven't been in some time. I have three children and it gets a little hectic, but I think this is a great reminder to take a little time to make sure *I* am okay so I can be 100% present for my babies. When I was pregnant, I went three times a week! I used to say I was a 'crack' addict.

It was really encouraging to hear that other people have gone through this because I was starting to feel like a huge co-sleeping failure, lol. I know, it's ridiculous!

We will be getting a new mattress soon and I will try using the pillows for a little more support - at the moment, I am just stuffing the blanket against my back. I will call my chiropractor and stick it out.

Thanks! <3

[akind1]

I was thinking about this and I don't know if it would help you, but: when we nurse side-lying I kind of lean back a bit so I am not smack on my side, so the pressure is more on my butt than on my hip (this is for the "bottom" boob). for the "top" boob, I lean forward so I am half sort of on my stomach, again to keep the direct pressure off of my hip.

I do still switch sides somewhere in the middle of the night, but this has helped a great deal with the hip pressure, and also I am more comfortable drowsing in those positions.

[baby.fatty]

I hear you. I am 270 and have a 7.5 month old. We just got a new bed - a very firm king - and for this particular problem it has been great. Specifically, we got a firm latex mattress partially because the foam isolates movement, and since it's firm I don't make as much of a depression for him to roll into where he gets stuck rightnexttome. It wasn't cheap, but for a new bed this was relatively affordable at Ikea. Good luck!

[bonamarq]

I had similar issues - and like pp it was not related to weight - I HAD to sleep with a very firm pillow (a couch pillow 'stuffed' into a sham) shoved in my lower back and a normal pillow wedged b/w my knees - and I only ever nursed the "bottom boob" - I moved dd from side to side several times a night (actually I think she sort of slept in the middle and I moved) Dh never liked sleeping with her so it was just the two of us (and still is for the most part and she's 6.5 yo ) I've been content to play musical beds starting the evening with dh and then moving to dd's bed at some point every night

[nextcommercial]

I would suggest researching a new better bed anyway. If you aren't comfortable and you are having pain at night it could be the bed.

I bought a three inch mattress pad for my bed, and it's just a little too thick and soft. I wish I'd spent more money, and gotten a firmer two inch pad. I have joint pain that I've never had before.

Also, I love a good king size bed. Those things are sooo worth the money. I think I'd have a king sized bed even if I slept all alone.

Years ago when co-sleeping was called the family bed, and not very many people had heard of it, my friends did this. (two different families) they bought a king sized bed and a twin bed then pushed the beds together at night. That way all four and five of them could sleep comfortably on the beds.

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by akind1

I was thinking about this and I don't know if it would help you, but: when we nurse side-lying I kind of lean back a bit so I am not smack on my side, so the pressure is more on my butt than on my hip (this is for the "bottom" boob). for the "top" boob, I lean forward so I am half sort of on my stomach, again to keep the direct pressure off of my hip.

I do still switch sides somewhere in the middle of the night, but this has helped a great deal with the hip pressure, and also I am more comfortable drowsing in those positions.

I do the same thing!

[Chasing]

Originally Posted by baby.fatty

I hear you. I am 270 and have a 7.5 month old. We just got a new bed - a very firm king - and for this particular problem it has been great. Specifically, we got a firm latex mattress partially because the foam isolates movement, and since it's firm I don't make as much of a depression for him to roll into where he gets stuck rightnexttome. It wasn't cheap, but for a new bed this was relatively affordable at Ikea. Good luck!

I was looking at Ikea mattresses! Which one did you go with?

Also, thanks for all the other tips. I am going to try the rolling side-feed, as well as just more support with pillows now. AND going to my chiropractor! I had stopped going because Chase *hated* being in the car seat for more than 2.3 seconds; it is much easier now because my older children are home for the summer, and he has company.

I really, really wanted to co-sleep in my husband (DH? I'm not up with my acronyms yet!) is completely willing to support me. I appreciate all the new tools in my tool box.

[baby.fatty]

we got the Elsfjord, which is really *really* firm... we are in love with it but it's definitely not for everyone. We were also considering the Fjordgard.

[alsoSarah]

I don't know if this is a contributing factor in your situation, but i'll bring it up just in case.
I have had a lot less hip/back pain at night with my second baby than I did with my first--- I never let dc2 get in the habit of staying latched on until fully asleep.
Dc1 had to be latched on in order to fall asleep, which gradually led to him sleeping while latched, making it hard for me to move/roll over/unlatch him without waking him... In order to get him back to sleep, I'd have to go right back to the painful position that I had just worked so hard to stealthily get out of, and it made me want to cry!

This time around, I still really wanted to cosleep, but in a way that wasn't so painful for me. I just got my babelet used to being very gently un-latched right on the verge of sleep (a modified "Pantley pull-off"), so that I could slowly scootch away enough to roll over without causing night waking.

It might also help to have your LO fall asleep on a bath towel, as it can be easier to move a sleeping baby over in bed if you can just slide the towel over by it's edges.

I don't know if any of that is relevant to your situation, but it has helped me.

Happy Sleeping!
alsoSarah

[Chasing]

Again, awesome advice. I feel so revitalized!

[muliebrity22]

I don't know how much money you're able to spend on a mattress, but a tempur-pedic (or similar, I'd guess) doesn't ripple, bounce or move when a sleeper moves on the bed. Like it doesn't move at all. We bought our mattress with a work bonus years back and often say it's the best money we ever spent.

[cristeen]

Definitely try a new bed. Or possibly a mattress topper. I know that I was stuck on an old futon for months with my guy, and in agony. And that's with not even nursing side-lying. But a natural latex mattress topper (on the futon) resolved the hip and back problems caused by the mattress. I weigh more than you do, and have been co-sleeping now for 10 mos. But without that mattress topper I would have had to stop months ago.