Attitude and Disrespect

[ShyDaisi]

My son is 3.25, and has been increasingly disrespectful towards me in that he speaks with a substantial amount of attitude in his voice. I just don't know how to respond, so I am here for advice. My standard MO so far has been to just ignore it, but that isn't helping....

Tonight we were visiting with friends and he was talking to one of them. I answered the question or made a comment or something of that nature and he said something along the lines of "I am not talking to you!"

Later, he had finished his dinner and wanted some yogurt. He had asked and apparently I didn't respond quickly enough because he said, "I saaaaid I want pink yogurt!!"

It really wasn't so much as what he said as it was how he said it. It wasn't an isolated incident, but my 1 a.m. brain can't think of more examples...I guess I am just worried that me ignoring the behavior is going to encourage it. What do I say/do??

[lmk1]

Is he copying anyone? Is he watching TV shows where people talk like that? I'm having a hard time imagining real attitude in a 3 year old...to me it'd be more like he's copying what he's heard and trying it out for himself.

[meemee]

if it makes you feel any better almost all 3 year olds behave this way.

this is their way of figuring out social norms.

first you gotta focus on seeing how he is strugging to figure out how to be. and then find ways of showing him how to be kind. again its still all about you modelling for him rather just telling him.

repeat repeat repeat. adn finally one day it will get in stay there. till then you will see more of this kind of behaviour. you model what you want to see. and give him time. he will learn. just not right away.

and here is a great series about what is going on with our kids and what is age appropriate behav. it was written during the 60s so question the discipline techniques. otherwise i have not found any other book which truly tells us what's going on for our kids at that age.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Yea.../dp/0440506492

[mom2happy]

Yes, I agree this is normal trying things out.
Its not ok to talk to people like this. When things are not ok, I tell them.
When mine tried this it was probably around 3-4. I told them its not ok to talk to someone in that voice. It makes people feel bad and they wont want to help you.
I would tell them all the ways they could say it and how happy I would be to accomodate them.
Like...
Kid "Mom, Im hungry- Give me breakfast"
me "Mom, Im hungry. May I have breakfast? or "Can I have something to eat please?"
so on and so on
Of course they keep trying here and there and I keep saying the other options.
Of course they would still do the same thing here and there and after I was sure they really knew that was unacceptable.
It would go like this.
kid "Mom, Im hungry, give me breakfast".
Me " When you ask kindly and politely I will be happy to help you"

It takes time and patience, but by 5 they just want to use manners and also dont have the time to waste on trying that anymore.

[poppan]

My 3 y.o.'s started doing this too... being bossy and sounding like they had a 'tude. In my case I realized that I gave them commands that way (I wasn't modeling the please put on your clothes etc) so I started doing that more consciously. I also rephrased for them and asked them to repeat it again nicely -- i.e. "please mommy can you carry me" or "please mommy may I have X" -- and I didn't do it until they said it the nice way. For me it worked pretty quickly because I think they weren't consciously copping an attitude, they were just getting more verbal and didn't know the polite way to ask, and also since I refused to do something until the request was made nicely, they started asking nicely on their own pretty quick.

[2cutiekitties]

Originally Posted by meemee

and here is a great series about what is going on with our kids and what is age appropriate behav. it was written during the 60s so question the discipline techniques. otherwise i have not found any other book which truly tells us what's going on for our kids at that age.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Yea.../dp/0440506492

thanks for the rec! I am going to try this because I am super struggling with mine and not modeling the best behavior! Getting way to frustrated to easily these days.

[monkey's mom]

Sometimes here when someone uses that tone the other person just starts quoting Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka: "Dah-day! I want a PONY!" And it's silly enough to not hurt anyone's feelings but it's clear that something has come out in a pretty rude/bossy tone.

When they're little sometimes it helps to have an example of what that sounds like, b/c often I don't think they even hear themselves.

[bonamarq]

Sometimes here when someone uses that tone the other person just starts quoting Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka: "Dah-day! I want a PONY!" And it's silly enough to not hurt anyone's feelings but it's clear that something has come out in a pretty rude/bossy tone.

LOL - and playful parenting at it best

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by monkey's mom

Sometimes here when someone uses that tone the other person just starts quoting Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka: "Dah-day! I want a PONY!" And it's silly enough to not hurt anyone's feelings but it's clear that something has come out in a pretty rude/bossy tone.

When they're little sometimes it helps to have an example of what that sounds like, b/c often I don't think they even hear themselves.

How funny! We also use Veruca that way...

[mom2happy]

Originally Posted by monkey's mom

Sometimes here when someone uses that tone the other person just starts quoting Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka: "Dah-day! I want a PONY!" And it's silly enough to not hurt anyone's feelings but it's clear that something has come out in a pretty rude/bossy tone.

When they're little sometimes it helps to have an example of what that sounds like, b/c often I don't think they even hear themselves.

Us too !
I want an umpa lump now daddy!
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