Need input, i'm panicking here

[Aka mommy]

Ok, this is a lot so i hope y'all can stay with me.

DD#1 went into kindergarten at a public school. It was GREAT. The teacher was awesome, i was able to volunteer in the classroom and the teacher has wonderful comminucation. We noticed that emotionally she was falling behind the rest of her classmates, she is an october baby so we started her when she was 5, turning 6. We held a few conferences with the teacher to see what was the best options, keep her back or move her forward. By the end of the year she caught up and was doing great. Fast forward to 1st grade and her daddy deploying. Major issues in the classroom and a less then nurturing teacher. Then she told me how a fellow student had tried to play with her pee pee and with dh gone i had to make a split second decision to believe my child or to pass it off as something else. I chose to believe my daughter and pulled her out of school and homeschooled last year.

We did great, until the last month of school where i felt burnt out. I had a 6 year old who was loving learning, a 4 year old with adhd (we don't treat medically) and i was pregnant. So i felt very burnt out and like i was failing my children. Then we found out dh got an injury while deployed and would need surgery this summer and most likely i'd need to get a job while he was off for months. So i begrudgingly enrolled them in the public school (a different school then previously enrolled in since we moved and it changed their district). We've been seated with that decision and i've been trying to sell myself that i will be thankful for this and the first month before i have to work will be a nice time to bond with ds one on one, as dd#2 will start kindergarten.

But i can't find peace with it, and i can't find a job. I was with Visions (not sure if anyone is familiar with it), and the only benefit they had was giving me a cirriculum to follow state standards and $ to enroll dd in classes. I feel that if i could be out and about every day actively teaching my children through activities (unschooling?) i would be able to do it. But my biggest fear is failing my children and not being able to teach them what they need to learn.

So, not that everyone or even many have been in my position. . . how do i find the equilibrium? How do i find what's right for my children? I have never, ever doubted a parenting decision in my life, until now. I'm tenative about a new school, dd#1 is so sensative and i worry about her fitting into the already established structure, being the 'new' student'. I feel that a teacher wont be able to teach her sensitive soul the way i can. I fear about them being safe and actively educated in a way that fits with both their needs, and worry about the many possible calls we will receive with dd#2 and her adhd (how often will we be pushed for intervention, meds with her?) And we are a military family and not financially sound, so we can't just unschool without a charter because we would need the funds to help purchasing cirriculum and extra cirric. activities. And how do i homeschool them with a less then 2 month old so that they don't end up in front of the tv???

Any insight or words of knowledge would be greatly appreciated. I feel as if i am walking a tight rope here.

[hotmamacita]

I could not read your post and not respond.

I do not have much advice for you though. All I can offer is: You are best for your kids. Do not make decisions out of fear. Follow your instincts and your heart.

I might still homeschool my kids if I were in your shoes but I really have not walked in your shoes so I do not know.

Good Luck!

[sbgrace]

I feel for you. I've got a sensitive one too.
I don't know what the right answer for you is but I'm careful not to go against my own gut instincts.

I don't know how the military handles your husband's time off for surgery--is he compensated at all? Does he qualify for disability of anything like that?

You can homeschool for almost free really if that changes your options at all. Let me know and I can give you lots of links. Alternatively, is there a charter school/umbrella type option that allows you more flexibility in selecting your curriculum and your pacing?

[cmoma]

mama.

You really do need to follow your instinct. I do agree with sbgrace in that you can homeschool for free. But maybe if you release from yourself the pressures of teaching them, or rather your fears of failing them, it would help in your decision? Instead follow your child's love of learning through your daily activities as you said, unschooling. Teaching them by following their lead. Sending them off to school with apprehension is not what you want to be doing, because you daughter will sense that and be anxious too. You want her to feel safe, and comfortable with where she is learning.

I hope you are able to come to a decision that works for all of you.

[tankgirl73]

Are you serious that you need a job for income if your spouse is injured WHILE DEPLOYED? No benefits to cover his time off? That's just... wow...

Anyway, as for the kids, I think you can remember that they are still VERY young. You could do nothing at all with them educationally and they will NOT be forever damaged. Even if you end up having to do some catchup in later years, they WILL catch up.

There are tons of kids out there who are radically unschooled -- no curriculum whatsoever and only whatever activities the kids actually ask for. They may even just end up in front of the TV a lot. Now maybe that's not what you want to do, at least not long-term, my point is just that in the long run, these kids still turn out just fine. They may have some 'holes' in their educations, but ALL kids do. Public school kids graduate with all KINDS of serious holes, just ask any university professor!

They're young. You're in a stressful situation right now. Just focus on what you need to focus on, whether it's a job or the baby or helping your DH recover or whatever... and let the kids be kids. If they end up in front of the TV all day, well yeah that's less than ideal, but you're in a tough place right now and it won't be forever. Maybe just make sure they have lots of good stuff to watch (Like discovery channel, videos about ancient egypt, quality movies, etc)

When things get "back to normal", whenever that is... then you can think about "schooling" again. Honestly, there's no harm in just sitting back and temporarily doing "nothing". Learning how to cope with life's setbacks, how to come together as a family in times of trouble, and just living life... is an important part of a real education anyway, more important I would argue than learning about weather cycles or long division.

[inky leeuhhh]

wow, that is tough. i feel for you! so you will have absolutely no income for those three months? if you will be compensated at all, would you be able to cut back on anything (bills, ect) to make ends meet? i mean, even if ends barely met, it would only be for a few months, right? i am currently trying to decide whether i want to quit working, and lose a susbstancial amount of income (dh's salary just barely covers all of our "needs"). i am feeling right now like i need to do what my gut tells me, which is to stop working, but i am still struggling with the fact that we would lose a lot of income. also, it is possible to homeschool without much cost at all. there are even entire sites with complete curriculums out there for free. we used one last year (lesson pathways i think it was called?), and it was great. also, as others have already mentioned, a few months "off" will not do any harm to your kiddos. read them books about things they are interested in, have some simple art supplies out for them, put them in front of the tv if you need time to yourself, and try not to worry about it. bonding with a new sibling is a teaching/learning experience in itself. i took three months off from school when dd2 was born, and i think it was an important time for all of us as far as bonding and connecting went. during that time if i was not able to entertain her, dd1 adjusted to having to do things on her own.

anyway, i hope whatever decision you make, you are able to find peace with it.

[RiverSky]

I'm also in the group that is SHOCKED that he won't have income while recovering from his deployment injury surgery.

Even if he had only partial income, then I feel like you could get a part time job (as a server, for instance, in the evenings/weekends) and you could unschool your children and be around for homeschool group activities and field trips and such, during the day.

What sort of day job are you planning to get anyway? Is it something that will make you significantly more money than a job you can do in the evenings and on the weekends?

While your DH is recovering from surgery, would he not still be able to watch the children, as long as you prepare meals before leaving and take care of most of the housework to make it as easy for him as possible? [obviously, I have no clue what sort of surgery he is having]

[mykdsmomy]

Could you do some sort of work at home or daycare? If you cared for one child, you could make around $150 a week (that's the going rate around here anyway). If you watched two children, $300 a week.....which on paper seems like more income than a part time out of home job where you would still need daycare.

I'm shocked too, that the military will not pay compensation for your DH while he's injured/recovering

[Aka mommy]

Sorry, want to clear up any confusion. DH is national guard reserves, so he is not active duty while home and only serves one weekend a month now. His normal job is a federal job and he is not eligible for disability or the fmla plan due to only being with the company for the last few months. His boss has been trying to get time donated to him, so that we don't have to get me a job. But so far, he hasn't found any and surgery is officially 2 weeks away. He also have been trying to get a waiver and work on getting at least basic housing allowance since his injury is an active duty injury. But no one has been able to promise us anything. And if i've learned anything with the military, it is to expect the worst.

Getting a job would be a significant difference in income then working in the evenings. I was a general manager before, and before that an executive assistant. So working during the day would provide the best pay with my experience. As of yet, i've found nothing. But i am still applying for evening jobs as well. But the kids would still be in daycare. DH injured his leg, he will be going into a 4-6 hour surgery and having a graft done on top of reconstruction. They say he will be down and out for at least a few days, then hopefully on crutches depending on how much will he has to push through the pain. And the doctor told him today to take the percocet prescription every 2 hours on the dot, or he'll be unable to handle the pain. I'm not comfortable with leaving children under his supervision during that time.

Today I had a talk with my daughter. This is the hardest part. She has been asking to go back to school. We talked and she still really wants to go. I think partially i am the one wanting to keep homeschooling her. But she is not interested in it at all. I still have 2 weeks till she starts. And my CT told me today that even if she starts and it is too much for her, we can enroll her any time before March, so that reassures me that if this isn't a match we can pull her out and homeschool again.

I'm off to read up on the unschooling forum, as this is something that I am thinking may just be a better fit. I think i overwhelmed myself with this expectation that how we learned at home had to be structured and just like that of a 'school'.

Thank you so much for the tips, suggestions and reassurance. I really need to find peace with whichever decision we make. And to the poster who said it isn't going to screw them up, thank you. I needed to be reminded of that and STOP pressuring myself. They are still young and i want them to enjoy and love learning, i can't teach them that if i'm stressing out about doing it the right or wrong way!