Most days I want to strangle STBX. But some of his comments over the weekend... I just can't figure out why I am here having to actually fight about custody time with him, when he makes statements the way he does about needing a break and he doesn't want to put wear and tear on his car. WTH? Seriously? Anyway this is what happened.
I let STBX know that my Mom was likely moving to a first shift position and he would need to come down and take care of DD and eventually DS in the mornings, as we cannot afford full time daycare.
He told me he'd rather get a second job and pay for full time daycare because he didn't want to drive down to where I live (about 20-30 minutes away, same town where he used to live) because who would pay him gas and for wear & tear on his car?
Um, ok, Mr. Logic... wouldn't you be using gas and putting wear and tear on your car to get to a second job? And I'm not holding my breath on this second job thing as he has been telling me this since November that he knew we needed extra money and he'd get another job... yeah, see how that has materialized?
Then, he finally agreed to read the parenting agreement and to let me know what he didn't agree with and see if we could come up with any compromises before having to go to court, etc.
He did not like the suggestion for having exact weekends during the month. I proposed to him to have the 1st, 3rd & 5th weekends in a month, so that way everyone always knew who's weekend it was without having to manually
go through a calendar to count out every other weekend if you want to plan something a few months ahead.
He said it wasn't fair to him because then our kids would get off schedule with his eldest daughter and he'd likely end up having kids every weekend.
He said it messed up how he was the only one getting screwed over and he
needed time off too. (Hello? Do you parent AT ALL during the week? Um, nope!) That no parent has their kids every weekend.
I said all parents that are still together have their kids every weekend! And I don't care about time off and I'd take the larger amount of time if it was a problem for him. He said he just doesn't want the kids getting off schedule from each other, so he doesn't end up with kids every weekend.
Oh, gee... I'm so sorry you decided to become a Father but can't stand being around your kids every weekend? WTH?!!
My question/thoughts are this... if I have record of him saying all this garbage... will it help me keep more time with my kids? He still won't agree to a progressive overnight schedule with DS that I feel comfortable with. He still has it in his head he wants to start overnights immediately at 4 months of age. Which is so contradictory to me with someone who doesn't even want kids around every weekend. 4 month olds generally wake up several times a night still, and I remember how ANGRY he got if he was woken by DD at all. (most times he slept right through, he generally only woke when I was "stupid" enough to try to rouse him to help because I was losing my mind from sleep deprivation).
I even painted this picture for him, saying, "remember how often DD woke in the night at 4 months? how often she was still waking at 6-9 months? sometimes even now? Do you really want to be getting up in the middle of the night, several times, and trecking all the way downstairs from your attic bedroom to make DS a bottle?"
He just said he wasn't comfortable making a decision about this now as it was too far away. Too far away?? It's less than a year away!! DS is going to be here in 3 months time.
Oh yeah... the other gem of the weekend. He read how I put in the parenting agreement for him to attend a parenting class, based off the recomendation from his counselor. He got an immediate attitude and said it was hysterical that I was trying to tell him he needed a parenting class when he has more kids than I do, and he obviously isn't a rookie anymore and a person with three kids doesn't need a parenting class.
I pointed out that he was totally on board with going only a few months ago, as his counselor really thought he should go. He said that she just mentioned it, she didn't really recommend it. Um... BS!!! She told me that she thought he should go so he could learn better ways to cope with the challenges and not take his anger out on the kids... she gave him a paper for the specific parenting classes and he brought it home with him and hung it on the fridge. (that's where it ended up staying, even when he moved out, I went down there and it was still there, I took it and put it in a file with other important papers he left behind and gave it back to him)
And the sucky realization is... it won't even matter if someone does make him go... because if he really thinks he knows everything just because he created three kids... he won't glean anything from the class anyway and probaly leave shaking his head calling it all fanatical BS. *sighs*
I let STBX know that my Mom was likely moving to a first shift position and he would need to come down and take care of DD and eventually DS in the mornings, as we cannot afford full time daycare.
He told me he'd rather get a second job and pay for full time daycare because he didn't want to drive down to where I live (about 20-30 minutes away, same town where he used to live) because who would pay him gas and for wear & tear on his car?
Um, ok, Mr. Logic... wouldn't you be using gas and putting wear and tear on your car to get to a second job? And I'm not holding my breath on this second job thing as he has been telling me this since November that he knew we needed extra money and he'd get another job... yeah, see how that has materialized?
Then, he finally agreed to read the parenting agreement and to let me know what he didn't agree with and see if we could come up with any compromises before having to go to court, etc.
He did not like the suggestion for having exact weekends during the month. I proposed to him to have the 1st, 3rd & 5th weekends in a month, so that way everyone always knew who's weekend it was without having to manually
go through a calendar to count out every other weekend if you want to plan something a few months ahead.
He said it wasn't fair to him because then our kids would get off schedule with his eldest daughter and he'd likely end up having kids every weekend.
He said it messed up how he was the only one getting screwed over and he
needed time off too. (Hello? Do you parent AT ALL during the week? Um, nope!) That no parent has their kids every weekend.
I said all parents that are still together have their kids every weekend! And I don't care about time off and I'd take the larger amount of time if it was a problem for him. He said he just doesn't want the kids getting off schedule from each other, so he doesn't end up with kids every weekend.
Oh, gee... I'm so sorry you decided to become a Father but can't stand being around your kids every weekend? WTH?!!
My question/thoughts are this... if I have record of him saying all this garbage... will it help me keep more time with my kids? He still won't agree to a progressive overnight schedule with DS that I feel comfortable with. He still has it in his head he wants to start overnights immediately at 4 months of age. Which is so contradictory to me with someone who doesn't even want kids around every weekend. 4 month olds generally wake up several times a night still, and I remember how ANGRY he got if he was woken by DD at all. (most times he slept right through, he generally only woke when I was "stupid" enough to try to rouse him to help because I was losing my mind from sleep deprivation).
I even painted this picture for him, saying, "remember how often DD woke in the night at 4 months? how often she was still waking at 6-9 months? sometimes even now? Do you really want to be getting up in the middle of the night, several times, and trecking all the way downstairs from your attic bedroom to make DS a bottle?"
He just said he wasn't comfortable making a decision about this now as it was too far away. Too far away?? It's less than a year away!! DS is going to be here in 3 months time.
Oh yeah... the other gem of the weekend. He read how I put in the parenting agreement for him to attend a parenting class, based off the recomendation from his counselor. He got an immediate attitude and said it was hysterical that I was trying to tell him he needed a parenting class when he has more kids than I do, and he obviously isn't a rookie anymore and a person with three kids doesn't need a parenting class.
I pointed out that he was totally on board with going only a few months ago, as his counselor really thought he should go. He said that she just mentioned it, she didn't really recommend it. Um... BS!!! She told me that she thought he should go so he could learn better ways to cope with the challenges and not take his anger out on the kids... she gave him a paper for the specific parenting classes and he brought it home with him and hung it on the fridge. (that's where it ended up staying, even when he moved out, I went down there and it was still there, I took it and put it in a file with other important papers he left behind and gave it back to him)
And the sucky realization is... it won't even matter if someone does make him go... because if he really thinks he knows everything just because he created three kids... he won't glean anything from the class anyway and probaly leave shaking his head calling it all fanatical BS. *sighs*
but it could happen! or maybe he'll get fired from his job and not be able to pay cs, and then you'll qualify. that's probably a more likely scenario!
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