nursing to sleep for every nap?

[P.J.]

My son is 9 weeks and just in the last week or so we've started to get a nap routine going. He's been a pretty fussy "colicky" baby and is starting to get better, which I think has a lot to do with having a sleep routine in place. He sleeps well through the night and has since day 1 (I know, we are blessed with that!). Our daytime nap routine is: when he gets super fussy I know it's time and I bring him to the dark bedroom, swaddle him, lay on the bed with him and nurse him down. This usually works, except days when he's really super fussy and just will not sleep no matter what.
I would not have any issue with this per se, except two things:

1.) I have to go back to work in a couple months and although only a few hours a week, we'll be having to find someone to come into our house for childcare. For now my husband and SIL also take care of him, although I'm the primary caretaker. My hubby can help him sleep by napping with him, but otherwise it's not so easy for him (in general our baby is one who has a hard time finding his way to sleep), and SIL hasn't really had him alone, but I fear she...or anyone else....would not be able to help him sleep b/c they cannot nurse him down.

2.) More fundamentally, nursing him to sleep several times a day has really confused our breastfeeding routine. He sometimes only comfort-sucks to sleep, but other times he really drinks and has a little feed. In general I have a really hard time telling when he's hungry....he gives no clear signals and he is pretty fussy anyway so fussing is not a reliable sign. So whenever I think he's hungry and put him to the breast, more than half the time he just gets all antsy and distracted and doesn't really drink, so obviously isn't hungry. Other times he drinks well and so I know he was hungry. I wish I could just know so I didn't have to constantly do this dance of trying to feed and him not being hungry. I feel the naptime nursing is adding to this confusion of an already chaotic breastfeeding "routine". I think he may be doing a lot of little sucking and perhaps not getting much hindmilk (he is gaining an average amount of weight so far though), both at naptime and other times.

I also wonder if this will become something where he absolutely cannot will not fall asleep without me and my breasts, and I will be having to nurse him down for naps for the next 2-3 years. I would obviously NEVER leave him to cry, and some people have recommended not giving him the breast and if he cries just hold him until he stops and sleeps. If desperate I could imagine trying this, but I'm not desperate and of course I'd love to help him find sleep without tears, although possibly without my breasts. A pacifier would seem the solution, but he doesn't take them. We've tried several kinds and so far he might chew on it and drool, but never suck enough to hold it in.

So, please help me with your ideas and experiences. Is there a way I can help him sleep without nursing? How? Have any of you found a naptime routine that doesn't involve lying there nursing your baby? If I do continue with our nursing to sleep at naptime, will it go on until he's weaned or will he just at some point "get" falling to sleep on his own? What can another caretaker who can't nurse him to sleep do? And is it interfering with breastfeeding in general?

Complex issue I know, sorry for the long post but I'm really baffled here.

Thank you mamas!!!!

[annettemarie]

Moving out to the main breastfeeding forum.

[mojobin]

I don't have a ton of experience like other mother's on here have, just my one baby is all so I am not an expert but I read your post and have a few ideas to share. I think your son is a little young to be worrying about how he will always be at nap time. I think it is natural to try to nurse first when he is fussy. I know plenty of mothers who do this. It gives your babe a chance to eat if he is hungry and comfort if not. Here is a good article about the benefits of comfort nursing. http://thebabybond.com/ComfortNursing.html I cannot offer any advice on managing a routine because I have not had much luck with establishing one (honestly I haven't tried very hard - she does have a loose daily routine and certain sequences but no schedule). I know my baby needs a nap about 45 min to an hour after she wakes up in the morning and then probably 2 more naps throughout the day. I read somewhere that infants usually are awake around two hour stretches and then need a nap. This has been pretty true for my DD. Sometimes it's more like 3 hours between naps depending on the day. I offer nursing when she is fussy. Sometimes she takes it and other times she doesn't. I'm not sure what kind of routine you're nursing on, I've always just nursed on demand. If she doesn't nurse and I think she's just bored, I'll try to entertain her some more. If she's still fussy after I've done all the normal things (feed, diaper, entertain, help pass gas when she was younger etc.) then I know she must be tired. I do let her fuss in her crib, never really crying just fussing. I let her fuss a bit and then go in and soothe her a bit (shhh, whisper loves, cover her, give her her paci). If this goes on past fifteen minutes and she still hasn't fallen asleep then I pick her up and start over with the feed, diaper, entertain, etc. It usually does not go past fifteen minutes, she normally falls asleep fast. She definitely nursed to sleep much more when she was tiny than she does now. In fact now I'd say I put her down awake more often than not. Your babe is still very young. As for other caregivers, they will set their own routine with your child. If they are giving him a bottle, he may sleep after it. As for paci's, if you really want your baby to have one don't give up. I think my baby was 10 weeks before she really took to one. The one I found that worked is made by NUK and has a latex nipple. Most have silicone and the latex is much softer. Good luck!

[livinlovinlaughin]

I really do not have any advice to offer. I have nursed DS on demand since birth. At 21 months he still nurses down for naps. I nurse him before bed but he usually nurses a bit then unlatches and falls asleep on his own. Nursing to nap is a bit of a problem but only when I am out shopping or something. He will fall asleep in the car but that is it. I would love to hear how people get their DC to sleep. When I hear people say they put their baby down awake but do not let them CIO I do not see how there is a difference. I have tried putting DS down tired but awake but he will just cry. Sometimes he plays a bit then starts crying. I just don't know how I guess.

[P.J.]

I've been experimenting a bit with "putting to bed awake". I still always nurse him, but sometimes I'll stop, keep a hand on him for a little while, and then gently leave. Often he's still awake but not crying (would NOT leave in that case, obviously!) and he falls asleep every time. One of these days I may just try to skip the nursing altogether and see what happens.

Yesterday we took him to a little party in the afternoon and he was around a lot of people, being passed around, etc. He had a good time, but by the time we got home he had had it and was real fussy. Anyway, I was trying to put him to bed and he seemed really awake...but we knew he was real tired. My DH suggested just leaving him alone to fall asleep, that he'd been around people all day and maybe he just needed a little peace and space for himself. I honestly would've never thought that, but it did make sense. So we just left (again, he was NOT crying) and sure enough he fell asleep on his own.

So I guess there is another way. I've also noticed at times he seems to be distracted by the nursing (he gets really active) and so I stop and just lay there with him, and he then calms down. So yeah, nursing him down is not the only way for us I suppose. I'd still be curious to hear other folks' experiences.

[livinlovinlaughin]

Originally Posted by P.J.

I've been experimenting a bit with "putting to bed awake". I still always nurse him, but sometimes I'll stop, keep a hand on him for a little while, and then gently leave. Often he's still awake but not crying (would NOT leave in that case, obviously!) and he falls asleep every time. One of these days I may just try to skip the nursing altogether and see what happens.

Yesterday we took him to a little party in the afternoon and he was around a lot of people, being passed around, etc. He had a good time, but by the time we got home he had had it and was real fussy. Anyway, I was trying to put him to bed and he seemed really awake...but we knew he was real tired. My DH suggested just leaving him alone to fall asleep, that he'd been around people all day and maybe he just needed a little peace and space for himself. I honestly would've never thought that, but it did make sense. So we just left (again, he was NOT crying) and sure enough he fell asleep on his own.

So I guess there is another way. I've also noticed at times he seems to be distracted by the nursing (he gets really active) and so I stop and just lay there with him, and he then calms down. So yeah, nursing him down is not the only way for us I suppose. I'd still be curious to hear other folks' experiences.

Thanks for the ideas. I need to try some different things too. I just am not sure where to start since DS is older.

[Quinalla]

I do nurse my daughter to sleep for her naps still (8 months), but she also goes to daycare and they get her to sleep for her naps without nursing. They combine swaddling and a pacifier and some other things too at times, but it works. So, while it may take a bit, a different care provider can find their own way to comfort a breastfeed-to-sleep baby too.

That said, trying at least once a day to put your baby to bed awake is a great idea. At this point, it is more to get you in the habit.

As for routine of eating, we never had one and still don't really, though she eats a lot more efficiently and a lot less often now for sure. As an infant, she liked to be at the breast most of the time she was awake (and asleep too some) and falling to sleep at the breast was just what happened since she was always there. And since she was pretty fussy for awhile and wasn't while eating or comfort sucking, I was generally happy to let her be at the breast as much as she wanted, just with breaks to pee and restock my drink/food on the couch