MIL question

[A&A]

Long-story short: MIL is 70. Her mom had early-onset Alzheimers. Most of the time MIL seems fine to me, but about once a year or so she has a day where she strikes me as having lost her wits. Then the next day, she'll seem fine again. Her hearing isn't great, although her hearing aid helps quite a bit.

So, with that background, how much alone-time would you let her have with an 8 year old? I'm fine with him playing at her house, but would you let her drive him anywhere and take him to crowded public places?

Thanks.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by A&A

Long-story short: MIL is 70. Her mom had early-onset Alzheimers. Most of the time MIL seems fine to me, but about once a year or so she has a day where she strikes me as having lost her wits. Then the next day, she'll seem fine again. Her hearing isn't great, although her hearing aid helps quite a bit.

So, with that background, how much alone-time would you let her have with an 8 year old? I'm fine with him playing at her house, but would you let her drive him anywhere and take him to crowded public places?

Thanks.

I wouldn't for my DD. I would always wonder if she would have one of those days while driving or out and about with my little one.

[VisionaryMom]

Driving would worry me. My experience with older people who lose their mental faculties is that driving goes really, really early in many people. DH's husband was like you're describing for about 5 years, and then she started downhill really quickly.

[texmati]

Also, at 8 could you talk to her privately about signs that grandma isn't doing well. For example, if she seems forgetful, doesn't remember names, then call mom to be picked up.

I'm not sure if that would be too much for an 8 year old.

[Latte Mama]

Plus, how often do you see her and spend a good amount of time with her? She may be having days like that more often and you don't know it. It's easy to miss signs when you just see someone an hour here and there (if that's the case).

I wouldn't let her drive my kid.

[CarrieMF]

she strikes me as having lost her wits

What exactly does she do that makes her off on these days?

[laughymama]

What exactly does she do or say on the days that are 'off'?

After witnessing my grandmother (who I've adored my whole life) slowly get taken over by dementia I would probably be wary to leave my child...the driving part worries me.

It also depends though on the type of behaviors being exhibited. During the earlier years, she would simply forget where she put her book or glasses or maybe she would hide something with no reason for hiding it.

Later on, she would often forget where she was, why she was there and it began happening in very familiar places she'd been frequenting for decades. She would try to warm her cup of coffee on a burner instead of in the microwave.

So it all depends on what is happening on those 'off' days. Then again, like Latte Mama said, these days could be happening more frequently than you know. I would be wary, I think.

[lotusdebi]

That sounds a lot like my mom. I won't let her drive my kids or take them to crowded, public places. She can play with them in a controlled space, like home, or when I'm there. She has gotten worse over the years, but still not bad enough for it to be obvious to anyone not paying attention. It's bad enough that I believe she'd forget that my child is with her at all, and she'd wander off while he was in the bathroom or something. She forgets many, many conversations now. And her personality is all over the place. I first started really noticing this stuff about 6 years ago.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by Latte Mama

Plus, how often do you see her and spend a good amount of time with her? She may be having days like that more often and you don't know it. It's easy to miss signs when you just see someone an hour here and there (if that's the case).

I wouldn't let her drive my kid.

That's true, I only see her about once a month.

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

What exactly does she do that makes her off on these days?

Sometimes it's little things; sometimes it's bigger things. She completely forgot my dd's birthday this year, and usually makes a huge deal of talking about the kids' birthdays months in advance (her only grandchildren are my two children.)

One day about six months ago she had a fever (not too high, maybe 101), and she was just TOTALLY weird. She called me and sounded like a child, asking me what medicine she should take for a fever and what to eat and drink (and she used to be a nurse.) I went over to take her some food and she just seemed so strange. The next day she was fine, though. Dh and SIL chalked it up to the fever but I'm not so sure.

Recently her purse got stolen and she told me she wasn't going to call on any of her cards for a few days. I had to talk her into calling immediately.

Dh says, "There's no doubt that she's not as sharp as she used to be, but what do you expect at 70?"

[Tigerchild]

If she's only 70 I would be very concerned. That is pretty young to have episodes like that.

[CarrieMF]

She completely forgot my dd's birthday this year, and usually makes a huge deal of talking about the kids' birthdays months in advance (her only grandchildren are my two children.)

One day about six months ago she had a fever (not too high, maybe 101), and she was just TOTALLY weird. She called me and sounded like a child, asking me what medicine she should take for a fever and what to eat and drink (and she used to be a nurse.) I went over to take her some food and she just seemed so strange. The next day she was fine, though. Dh and SIL chalked it up to the fever but I'm not so sure.

Recently her purse got stolen and she told me she wasn't going to call on any of her cards for a few days. I had to talk her into calling immediately.

none of these are big red flags for me at all that would cause me concern if my child was with her.

forgetting a birthday, it happens.

Not knowing what to eat/drink/take when having a fever, that could have been the fever or virus related. A fever doesn't have to be high to make people act off.

Not wanting to call right away to cancel her cards, could be a generation thing, not a demetia thing.

now if there were odd dings on her car that she can't/won't explain, or any reason why an 8yo's safety would be an issue then I would be concerned but this stuff doesn't show me that.