Breastfeeding burnout at 12 months? And other questions...

[red and lulu]

I am committed to nursing dd until she is at least 2 for the health benefits, but lately I have totally lost my patience with it. It drives me nuts how she's constantly pulling my shirt off and pinching my nipples, and the hour plus it takes to get her to sleep After 15 minutes I just get so frustrated, I just want her to go to sleep. I feel like she is nursing CONSTANTLY and I'm just burnt out. And bedtime/naptime feels like a struggle every. single. time. I cant tell if she's transitioning to one nap from the two... But I just find myself giving up. Which is making me feel like a failure b/c she's overtired and I know it and its b/c I don't want to be a human pacifier anymore. I just feel like my patience is dwindling in general. Is that just long term sleep deprivation? Or is it b/c she's getting older and I'm expecting more from her, rightfully or not (she is only 12 mo, still a baby)?

I'm just frustrated. With her, with myself. Ugh.

We put a mattress on the floor next to our bed (we've been using a queen and twin as a family bed) and baby proofed the room (like a Montessori nursery)-- should I just let her ram around at naptime if she doesn't want to sleep? Or am I setting up a bad dynamic where she'll just fight naps cause she knows she can?

Commiseration and/or comments please

[Katie T]

I can totally understand, first give yourself a big hug, being a mama is hard tiring work.

I don't know if it was the right thing to do but it did work for us. DS is my sleep fighter and i would go in the room for nap and let him wander around the bed ( I was pretending to be asleep, nursing DD2) until he would finally come cuddle to sleep. In reality it didn't even take any longer than fighting him but It was easier to keep my emotions in check.

Another thing that has been a life saver is internet on my phone I lay there nursing DD (in the dark so I can't see her anyways) and look up the weather, MDC and such. It was a really life saver. Then I wasn't laying there thinking about all the other things that were waiting for me after I got kids to bed.

I hope it gets better. Parenting is about trial and error, there is no "right" way to do it. 12m is a common age to transition to one nap a day so maybe you are onto something and she is trying to transition to one.

Good luck.

[carmel23]

Mama, I think you answered you own question very well. I would just nurse her for the 15 minutes, and then tell her it is time for "quiet and rest" and get up and leave. Put a gate at the door, and if she wants to sleep--great. If she wants to just do her own thing, great.

Try it out. She may need a few minutes to just unwind and notice in herself that she is tired. good luck!

If she cries of course respond to her cry, snuggle, maybe nurse for a few more minutes (or offer a sippy cup of water? ) and explain that it is quiet, resting time.

But, once the time is up--for 45, 30 minutes, or whatever, quiet time is over, whether she has slept or not. You get her and go on with the day.

[mkksmom]

I went through that with my older dd, and what saved my sanity was changing our routine. For naps, I started walking her in the stroller. We have enough room that I can walk her around inside. The stroller fully reclines. Now, I am feeling touched out with my 10 month old, and dh started doing bedtime.

After about 14 months with my older dd, I really wanted to wean, but I found just cutting her back a little gave me the break I needed to continue. So we went from nursing 12+ times per day to about 10 and then the next time when I couldn't take any more, I cut back to 9 or so. I made it to 18 months before I had to start a medication that you can't BF on. I could have probably looked into other options, but I was so sick and just done.

[dahlialia]

I remember feeling that way with dd1. I don't with dd2, though she's not much different about nursing.

I think the bedtime/nap time troubles are very common at this age. What works for us, is to try to time the start of bedtime well, then after diaper/pjs we nurse, read books, play with quiet toys in the bedroom. My only rule is that we don't leave the bedroom. DD2 does settle and go to sleep when she is truly ready. She doesn't just keep playing. To be honest I kind of like that time of night now. We play, snuggle, read, make each other laugh. It often does take her an hour. And sometimes when she is truly ready, she will go to the door and ask to go out, have a little cry in my arms when I say no, then go to sleep. It's her one attempt to escape sleep LOL

Tonight she discovered her tongue, laughed every time she grabbed it. And spent ages trying to get today's pants on her head. Once I accept the hour or so it will take, I find I can enjoy it a little more.

I do get frustrated with the endless nursing, but after btdt with dd1, I am more able to let it go because I know it doesn't last forever.

Edited to add: I find for nap times especially, I have to watch her behavior a lot to learn the difference between tired, and ready to sleep. At this age when naps are changing, it can be a challenge. That will get better too though, when she is reliably at one nap.