What to do about pets?

[VisionaryMom]

We have friends whose children are visiting tomorrow. They visit often. We have 2 dogs - one chihuahua mix we recently rescued & who is very docile and one Corgi (medium-sized breed). The Corgi likes to sniff everyone who comes by but then will leave you alone.

These children are terrified of our dogs - any animals, really. We've tried helping them let the dogs sniff their hands (with us restraining the dog). We've tried getting them all to settle in together. We have, in the past, put the dogs out (they are inside dogs but go out some everyday).

They are coming over tomorrow and will want us to lock the dogs in mine & DH's bedroom the whole time. I don't feel comfortable doing that, and DH is adamantly opposed it. (It's the kids asking us to do this, but I feel it's coming from their parents.) What do we do? Would you put the animals in the bedroom for the entire time? If not, how would you try to handle things with the kids?

[ErinYay]

Our dogs are crate trained, and I wouldn't hesitate for a second about crating them for a day to protect others' kids. (Obv they'd go out into the yard for breaks, etc.)

As a former dog trainer (positive reinforcement only) I am confident in telling you that there is NO reason to not contain them for a day. They may not like it, as it's not their normal routine, but it's not going to harm them in any way.

I would never, ever put my dogs' "comfort" over the safety and sanity of children. (I say "safety" as children who are terrified of dogs aren't safe around them- they may well move or scream in a way that will trigger otherwise super-friendly dogs.)

[Catubodua]

I'd probably put the dogs away / outside. I understand your hubby's feelings b/c our dog is a family member to us. However, I'm not going to allow nervous kids to be near my dog. I'd be too afraid that they would misconstrue something or say something that sounds worse than what happened - i.e. - the dog bit me when the dog only licked them. In that scenario, I have to keep my dog safe.

Do you have anyone who could babysit the dogs? One of our neighbors loves my dog and would keep her over there for us if we asked.

[Ornery]

I have several friends with children who are afraid of dogs. I always put my dog in my bedroom when they come over. I also have friends who just don't like dogs and I make sure to put my dog behind a baby gate when they come.

[Lula's Mom]

Could you gate off a room near where you'll be? That way the dogs can be somewhat near you. And maybe the kids can even get used to them somewhat.

I understand how your husband feels. I have a friend who just doesn't like animals at all, and her kids are kind of afraid, so I usually put the dogs up when she comes over. I love her and I want her to have a good time here. But I don't like doing it, and the dogs do actually get very stressed by the 'banishment'. They don't understand, and sometimes they bark. I'll rotate them from my room, to a crate, to the backyard when I can.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by Lula's Mom

But I don't like doing it, and the dogs do actually get very stressed by the 'banishment'.

Our Corgi does, too. I've never had to put the little one in one room before, but I have put the Corgi in the room for one thing or another, and she gets really upset. She will bark & cry the whole time, which frankly is annoying to me, too. I've tried a baby gate at the kitchen door to keep her from being underfoot while I cook, but she jumps it. I've only done it twice, so she's not yet trained not to jump over the gate (and obviously doing that with shrieking children isn't going to work).

If the dogs go outside, it has to be on a tie-out. We don't have a fenced backyard. We walk the dogs daily and visit a dog park a few times a week (just for people worried about getting exercise). So putting them on the tie-out for hours just isn't something I'm willing to do. Of course I have put them on the tie-out, which has a 20-foot length, and then when these kiddos go out, they want me to put the dogs inside (though our backyard is 1/4 acre, so there's plenty of room for them to move around the dogs).

For people who've mentioned a concern about the children triggering the dogs, yes I have that worry. That's why I put them in the bedroom once. The son will 1) run, screaming my dog's name or 2) curl up in a ball in the corner. Both of those actions suggest "hey! Play with me!"

Maybe I am approaching this question the wrong way, though. When it is better to say "no, I cannot watch your children because they cannot co-exist with our family pets." That's more where DH is - that our friends shouldn't ask us to watch them so often since they have such a fear (that honestly I've seen from both of the parents as well).

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Our Corgi does, too. I've never had to put the little one in one room before, but I have put the Corgi in the room for one thing or another, and she gets really upset. She will bark & cry the whole time, which frankly is annoying to me, too. I've tried a baby gate at the kitchen door to keep her from being underfoot while I cook, but she jumps it. I've only done it twice, so she's not yet trained not to jump over the gate (and obviously doing that with shrieking children isn't going to work).

If the dogs go outside, it has to be on a tie-out. We don't have a fenced backyard. We walk the dogs daily and visit a dog park a few times a week (just for people worried about getting exercise). So putting them on the tie-out for hours just isn't something I'm willing to do. Of course I have put them on the tie-out, which has a 20-foot length, and then when these kiddos go out, they want me to put the dogs inside (though our backyard is 1/4 acre, so there's plenty of room for them to move around the dogs).

For people who've mentioned a concern about the children triggering the dogs, yes I have that worry. That's why I put them in the bedroom once. The son will 1) run, screaming my dog's name or 2) curl up in a ball in the corner. Both of those actions suggest "hey! Play with me!"

Maybe I am approaching this question the wrong way, though. When it is better to say "no, I cannot watch your children because they cannot co-exist with our family pets." That's more where DH is - that our friends shouldn't ask us to watch them so often since they have such a fear (that honestly I've seen from both of the parents as well).

explain to your friends that you would love to watch their children, but locking up your dogs is to stressful for them and it wouldn't be a good situation all around.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

explain to your friends that you would love to watch their children, but locking up your dogs is to stressful for them and it wouldn't be a good situation all around.

I agree. I lock up my lab/border collie mix when we have visitors over because she loves attention and can get in the way. I'm not a big dog person. I like big dogs but basically have a small dog phobia, so I avoid places with small dogs and would *never* ask someone to lock theirs up! I only lock my dog up long enough to calm her down and then take her out because it's her house, too, and I don't want her being afraid of visitors or stressed by them. I have in-laws who hate all animals. Literally. Their kids are traumatized even seeing pictures of dogs and cats because their parents hate animals so much. We have to lock our dog up when we stay overnight at other families' houses and they visit. Honestly, if it was my house or my family, I wouldn't do it. But my dog isn't afraid of freaking out children-I have four and she's never even gotten near to biting or freaking out on them. She seems to thrive on it, strangely (the border collie in her? ).

[phathui5]

If I had guests whose children were scared of my pets, I would definitely keep the animals out of sight during the visit.

[Tjej]

I put my dogs in their crates or in our computer room with a gate when we have guests who are afraid of dogs OR if I have other peoples kids here. IF things are going really smoothly and I want to add the dogs to the mix I sometimes let them out in the house after a couple of hours, but I don't do that if the people don't like dogs. My girls can handle being in another room for a while.

If you are going to watch these kids a lot I suggest you crate train your dogs - so they are actually happy to be in them and aren't upset the whole time they are in them. If you don't want to do that then it does sound like you should talk to the family and explain that you don't feel comfortable having their kids around as much because of your dogs.

Tjej

[NiteNicole]

So these aren't guests but friends who have asked you to do them the favor of babysitting?

Yeah, I think in future my answer would be no, your children are too afraid of the dogs.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

So these aren't guests but friends who have asked you to do them the favor of babysitting?

Yeah, I think in future my answer would be no, your children are too afraid of the dogs.

Correct. These are friends who frequently ask for babysitting favors. With one-time guests or dinner guests, I don't have a problem putting them in another room. For all day affairs, though, I'm more uncomfortable with the whole situation. There are other concerns with having them over, but this one has become a huge problem.

Unfortunately I think the parents' fears play into it because their son told me that his mom told him to curl up in a ball in the corner when the dogs come in the room. He was completely serious when he said it, so I think she may have said it - or at least something that he understood to mean that.

He didn't do that until a couple of months ago, so I do think it was a "lesson" of some sort. When he first did it, it kind of freaked me out. I got the dog out and came back in. He was mumbling, and when I leaned down, he was saying "please don't bite me. Please don't bite me." I asked what he was doing, and he said trying to get our dog away, but our dog wasn't even in the house anymore. He hadn't noticed at all! (FTR, she was never near him, just in the same room.)

Beyond the issue with our dogs, it's just not healthy to be *that* afraid. We've been in public with him and seen people with well-mannered, leashed dogs, and he completely panics. So, unfortunately, I don't think there's much we can do to help him get over the fear. I just don't know how much we're enabling the fear by locking our dogs away.

[stormborn]

I guess it depends on how good the friendship is, esp, since you said there were other issues. I totally understand fear of dogs and normally would bend over backwards to make a guest comfortable but your situation seems 'off' to me in a way I woudn't want to play into. From your last post it really seems as though it's the parents fear that the kids have been taught to have, for whatever reason.

[dahlialia]

That's an odd situation. I think I'd feel comfortable turning down babysitting because of the inconvenience regarding the pets.

In general, though, I am a fan of crate training when there are to be kids and dogs in the same house. We want our DDs to be able to have friends over, even if the friends are scared of dogs. And we want the dog to have somewhere safe to retreat to when he's had enough kid attention.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by stormborn

From your last post it really seems as though it's the parents fear that the kids have been taught to have, for whatever reason.

Yes, that's what I think, too. Nothing has ever happened to either of the children related to dogs, and the older child has been afraid of dogs since we've known him, the younger since...birth. I mean, we've known her since she was born, and since she's been old enough to have any reaction she's been afraid of animals. The parents have never mentioned any past incidents in their lives wrt to animals, but the dad is definitely fearful, even of their cat.

[just_lily]

If I had people over for a short visit, then I would be willing to just put the dogs outside. I am thinking half an hour or less.

But one of my dogs has severe seperation anxiety, and there is just no way we would be able to lock him in another part of the house. If I put him in the bedroom he would scratch and go crazy at the door. He has actually dug his way all the way through an interior door before. He can also jump our back fence... he will happily stay in the yard for a short while, but if left out for a long time and he starts to get stressed he will jump the fence.

We have a crate for him, and crate him while we are out, but if we were to put him in there while we are home he would whine and bark the whole time.... not something I could possibly listen to all day long, let alone how stressed he would be.

When people who are nervous around dogs come to our house we usually just keep an eye on the dogs and call them over if they start to wander over to the guest. Usually this isn't an issue. My non-SA dog is 100lbs of chicken and it actually takes him a long time to warm up to people.... like 48 hours long time. So he won't even go near new people. My SA dog is friendlier, but he will come and lay next to me if I tell him.

I have never had anyone ask me to lock away my dogs. If I did I would have to tell them sorry, but I can't. I do childcare full time as well, and if anyone had a problem with the dogs they would just have to find care somewhere else.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Maybe I am approaching this question the wrong way, though. When it is better to say "no, I cannot watch your children because they cannot co-exist with our family pets." That's more where DH is - that our friends shouldn't ask us to watch them so often since they have such a fear (that honestly I've seen from both of the parents as well).

I didn't realize you were babysitting, I thought the family was actually visiting. I would tell them no it wasn't working, either the children are afraid or your dogs are stressed. If I were having guests I'd keep the dogs away while they were there.

[spughy]

I wouldn't look after kids who were terrified of animals. I would be wondering about the thought processes of people who would ask you to look after their children, knowing that there are pets present that the children would be that terrified of? Also, if my child had a fear that strong, I would definitely be working on overcoming it - a fear of something so common as dogs borders on a disability (how would you ever go walking or hiking without fear? dogs are everywhere), yet you think the parents actively encouraged it? Did one of the parents have a really bad experience with a dog once? Can you talk to them about it?

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by Tjej

I put my dogs in their crates or in our computer room with a gate when we have guests who are afraid of dogs OR if I have other peoples kids here. IF things are going really smoothly and I want to add the dogs to the mix I sometimes let them out in the house after a couple of hours, but I don't do that if the people don't like dogs. My girls can handle being in another room for a while.

This is what I do as well. I also lock him up when people are arriving because he loves to greet guests as they get out of the car and walk them up to the door. Not everyone appreciates that!

But my dog is still in a mental puppy stage but 92 pounds - so he can hurt them if he bumps into a little kid who isn't used to it. Heck, he accidentally hurt me yesterday when we were playing. He's an uncoordinated goof.


HOWEVER....if they are expecting you to babysit all the time I think they need to do something to work on getting the kids more used to dogs. Having that much of a phobia is not a good thing. And curling up on the floor? Oh my, Sam would think that was PLAY TIME and probably climb all over him. It sounds like those kids really need to learn how to behave around dogs or the fear could end up being a self-fullfilling prophecy. Would the parents work with you to help get them used to the dogs? Maybe keep dogs on a leash in the house? I don't know... I don't think I'd be comfortable with having to lock my dog up all the time if they weren't willing to work on the situation with me to try and improve it...especially when it sounds like you are doing them a favor in the first place.

[newbymom05]

I would either lock the dog up or not babysit, and if I didn't babysit, I'd explain why. I would never take it upon myself to cure another person's child's fear of animals without their consent and participation.

I have a very mellow friendly dog and I almost always lock him up for playdates. Once we had a bunch of kids over, yelling and playing and he got excited and nipped a child. After that I don't take chances. All of our friends usually do the same thing (restrain their dog in another room) even though they know we have and like dogs. IMHO it's just a common courtesy--not everyone wants a dog around them, y/k?