Can apartment manager keep me from hb?

[maciascl]

We just got a new on-site manager and management company at our apartments. I have been trying not to say anything to anyone about having he birth here since I didn't want any issues. Tonight the new manager came by to introduce herself & DH told her we would be having the baby here. She had a 4 month old herself and just asked if we had had our other children at home. We said yes and she didn't seem bothered or really shocked, but now I am nervous that she will go back to the management company and then tell me that we can't have the baby here. Does anyone know if they can give us any issues? My last birth was really fast (2 1/2 hours) so I could probably get away with it anyway except that the midwife & so many others (mom, MIL, asst mw...) will be here.

[Mrs.Music]

I'm pretty sure they can't stop you. What would the reason be? If it's not in the apartment rules, and you don't break any of the listed rules to do it... They have no legal standing. Lots of people have apartment home births. I'm planning one. And honestly, if you're not worried about your deposit and you aren't breaking the noise rules (butter the neighbors up with cookies and a warning)... You've got nothing to worry about. IMHO.

[Ola_]

I don't see how they could justify it unless someone complains about excessive noise or there is damage to the building or something.

[AFWife]

The only thing they could REALLY complain about would be a birth tub, especially if you're on the second floor or above. Just because, like with large fish tanks, there's always a risk that it will break and flood water everywhere.

As far as I know, though, there's noting in apt rules that says, "No homebirths."

[summermommy2004]

I would agree that I don't think they would have a leg to stand on in telling you that you can't have the baby at home. If it's not specifically written in your lease and you aren't disturbing the other tenants, there is no reason they should have a problem with it. Obviously, if during the course of your birth you would do damage to something in the apartment such as carpeting, etc, they could charge you for damages -- but that's about as far as I would imagine that could go.

We are renting a house and will be having our homebirth there. If we were in a normal apartment, we'd do the same. So don't worry about it and enjoy your birth!

[*MamaJen*]

Don't spend energy worrying about it. They can't tell you that you can't have a homebirth there.

[Pyrodjm]

Originally Posted by *MamaJen*

Don't spend energy worrying about it. They can't tell you that you can't have a homebirth there.

Exactly! It's the norm here in NYC.

[maciascl]

Thanks all for calming my anxieties a bit. We just moved here a few months ago after owning our home for 10 years so I guess I just get weird about things. We do have a tub, but I have a feeling we won't use it. I am a little parnoid about it too but we don't ahve a pump to drain it so that creates a bit of a problem as well.

[MammaB21]

As long as it's not illegal and it's not going against anything that is directly stated in the lease, they can't stop you.

I hate to talk about worse case scenarios here, but I had similar fears and working out the 'what ifs' really helped me. Basically, the worst thing that could happen is that someone hears you during labor and makes a noise complaint. At that point, either another tenant or the land lord could come to the door. If you have extreme neighbors, I suppose the cops could be called based on assumptions that something is wrong. To alleviate those fears for myself, we decided that we'll probably make up a sign to put on the door during labor. It will say something like "Legal homebirth in process. Please do not disturb." You can let your neighbors know before hand if you'd like. Tell them you are having a LEGAL homebirth and that if they hear any noise to rest assure that things are okay and that you would like your privacy during that time. You can also assign someone who will be there (midwife assistants are good for this job) to answer any knocks at the door. They'll take care of it and know what to say and you'll be none the wiser. Chances are, nobody will hear you/care and everything will go just fine. But it's good to have a back up plan so that it isn't something that is going to stress you out during labor.

P.S: it sounds like your manager was really cool about it, so I'd take that as a sign not to worry. Good Luck.

[homemademom]

Ditto everyone else, but just to be safe, I would avoid mentioning it again and I'd downplay it if it did. But I'm just paranoid that way

[motherhendoula]

I so feel the same paranoia! I am having my second home birth - soon. My first i owned my home, but this a decade and a divorce away from that! I always carry a huge bag in front of me so my neighbors dont even know im pregnant. I really dont think they can do much, and your history of short labors really helps! You can always say you had planned on going to the hospital - and ran out of time.
I am planning on using water and we are on the second floor - my DH is pretty freaked out by this....but again, i really think its just overactive brain. Im sure it will be fine!

[laohaire]

Can you whack your DH on the back of the head, like an Italian mother, just for me? Thanks.

[laerhk]

Originally Posted by laohaire

Can you whack your DH on the back of the head, like an Italian mother, just for me? Thanks.

LMAO. (I feel the same way!)

[mammal_mama]

OP, I wouldn't worry, but you might warn dh for future reference that he needn't announce this stuff to anyone.

I'm rather surprised that some are advising telling the neighbors ahead of time. I mean, I understand that it's perfectly legal and all, but I guess I'd be paranoid that some "concerned" individual might call 911 and say there's a woman giving birth at home and she needs help ...

And probably nothing would come of it. It probably wouldn't happen, and if it did your dh could turn the medics away at the door -- but I'm just thinking it's easier to avoid all that from the beginning by not saying anything in the first place.

It's just ... some people might eat your cookies and still think they need to intervene, and some people can be really weird about this stuff. If you've already been telling everyone, then don't worry because it's just one of those very unlikely risks that I just don't see any reason to take.

We gave birth to dd2 in a rented duplex; we did tell the couple upstairs because they are trusted friends. They said they never even heard a sound the night dd was born, 'til they heard dd crying.

[laohaire]

Just from my experience - I was vocal but it wasn't screaming bloody murder or anything. I think that's pretty rare.

If my neighbors had heard me I think they would have assumed my DH discovered some Tantric techniques.

And I think it goes without saying that they would have left us alone.

[maciascl]

Originally Posted by laohaire

Can you whack your DH on the back of the head, like an Italian mother, just for me? Thanks.

That is about what I felt like.

DH is REALLY worried about the yelling. Admittedly I did do alot of screaming not so nice words while pushing with DS2. However I also was feeling very out of control and scared, not expecting such a fast and intesnse labor that almost became an unassisted delivery. I am trying to focus on moaning & being a bit calmer (without restricting myself) this time rather than screaming obsenities. I figure the pushing phase was really only about 15-20 last time so it isn't that long.

I think he just needs something to be nervous about. I am just worried that they will come to me beforehand & tell me I can hb here but at this point I think it would have happened already.

[BlackSheepPDX]

As a landlord, here are the two things I can think of that would be legitimate reasons for legally discouraging a homebirth (not that I'm saying I WOULD, just thinking for you....I'm waiting for my own HB to happen!):

1) if it is illegal in your state, it would be "doing something illegal on the premises" which is a no per our lease wording. (However, I'm in OR, it's legal, and therefore, not a problem HERE)

2) the tub. Our leases specifically ban waterbeds/water filled stuff, and a birthing tub in the middle of an apartment WOULD probably be potentially legal grounds for claiming lease violation, which while they might not be able to STOP you from doing it, if they could demonstrate that you DID do it (and in particular, caused damage as a result) it could be grounds for eviction.

[maciascl]

Originally Posted by BlackSheepPDX

As a landlord, here are the two things I can think of that would be legitimate reasons for legally discouraging a homebirth (not that I'm saying I WOULD, just thinking for you....I'm waiting for my own HB to happen!):

1) if it is illegal in your state, it would be "doing something illegal on the premises" which is a no per our lease wording. (However, I'm in OR, it's legal, and therefore, not a problem HERE)

2) the tub. Our leases specifically ban waterbeds/water filled stuff, and a birthing tub in the middle of an apartment WOULD probably be potentially legal grounds for claiming lease violation, which while they might not be able to STOP you from doing it, if they could demonstrate that you DID do it (and in particular, caused damage as a result) it could be grounds for eviction.

Thanks! It is legal in my state so that isn't a real issue I guess. The tub is something that has been in the back of my mind. We do have one but I am not convienced that I will use it & I think it is because of this exact reason lingering in the back of my mind.

[Illiana]

Originally Posted by maciascl

Thanks! It is legal in my state so that isn't a real issue I guess. The tub is something that has been in the back of my mind. We do have one but I am not convienced that I will use it & I think it is because of this exact reason lingering in the back of my mind.

I would just be prepared to pay for any water damage *IF* something were to happen with the tub (leaked or something) otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.

Also birthing at home is not illegal anywhere though MW are. So you may have to play down that there is actually a MW there (she would become the doula) and it would be considered an UC rather than a HB with a MW. If that makes sense.. Births happen quickly and in all sorts of scenarios.

[laohaire]

Just for the record, homebirth is legal in every state.

In some states, it's illegal for anyone other than an MD to be in the business of assisting home births. But no-one's tenant would be breaking any laws by home birthing.

I totally agree on the water issue, though - if I were a landlord I might have concerns about a birthing tub in some apartments or with some people.