doubts?

[forumyonly1]

i've never really had doubts about being able to birth at home.. i gave birth to my 3rd ds at home and all went very well considering his position and all of that... but now i am getting freaked out for some reason.. i just keep getting that "what if something goes wrong" question pop in to my head over and over again.. i think the main problem is that we live pretty far from a hospital.. 25 min to the closest and 30-40 for the preffered hospital.. the thing is.. it was at least 20 min to the closest hospital for my last home birth and that was if driving conditions were good.. no snow/ice and i had him in november in alaska.... but i never had that feeling with him.. i never even worried about it. have you ever had any doubts?! what did you do about them? i keep thinking about renting a hotel room near the hospital or something to birth in but i dont know if that is any more comforting since i would be in an unfamiliar plave... *sigh* i need some help..

[mitintraining]

I can totally understand. Is this your second baby? I went through that with every baby, a different thing I worried about. There is a great importance to listening to your intuition. Address them, research them, pray about them(if that is your preference) and then let them go. I have had 5 wonderful births, the first three in the hospital. For my fourth I was worried I wouldn't make it to the hospital(history of fast labors), and I prepared just in case. Guess what I didn't make it, 45 minutes of labor, no transition and his head was born while packing a bag-he came 10 days early 3 days before x-mas! For my 5th I was only worried about getting my husband home, we had planned a homebirth with a CPM with no back up near us, hospital 45 minutes away in March. I had no worries about any of that though. Sure enough I went into labor on his day off!! This time I am freaking out about having a homebirth and we live next door to a hospital! I think our worries give us some insight into ourselves. We can choose to ignore them, or give them value. But we can also end up manifesting them if we spend too much energy on them, IMHO. Good luck with your birth!

[forumyonly1]

Thank you so much for your response!! This is actually my 4th birth! My first was a planned hospital birth (military hospital.. horrible experience...) the second we planned ona birth center birth and then at my 36 week appointment the birth center had closed down... so we went to the back up OB and delivered at the hospital again.. the 3rd was a planned home birth.. it was long and hard ( he had both hands on top of his head) but it was very nice and i'm so happy i was at home.. this birth we started out in Alaska and i was seeing the midwife who caught my 3rd baby and felt completely comfortable and happy but we moved to AZ in the middle of my pregnancy.. and while i love my new midwife.. it just feels different.. i dont know.. your post did calm me down a little bit.. DH was mad at me last night when i told him i was getting freaked out.. but we talked it out and i am feeling a lot better.. i think i am letting family/friends here pressure me to have a hospital birth... and the fact that i cant even tell my own mother because of how she would react doesnt exactly help. so.. i dont know.. i think i need to just pray about it and adress my issues and go with what my gut/heart tell me to do! thanks again!

[honeybee]

I'm glad you're feeling better... I would just keep processing it and looking into the source of your fears.

I have become a lot more involved in the midwifery community and know a lot more women who are midwives or have had homebirths. And while the vast majority of the stories are wonderful, there are still those few that can cause some unsettled feelings. Especially when you're expecting yourself. And I've had two wonderful homebirths myself!

I always just have to sit back and take a few minutes to experience the fear. What would happen if that scenario (say a shoulder dystocia) actually happened? I let it play out in my head for a short time... and then I pray about it and let it go. I don't let myself continue to go there.

I also get fears about something randomly happening to one of my children, especially car accidents (my brother died in a car accident), or something else horrible happening to them, and I go through the same process. I can't keep my kids from ever stepping into a vehicle, so I just have to take what precautions I can (I'm a car seat fanatic), and then let that fear go... over and over again.

I think the same applies to birth. I do always try to quiet my mind and meditate and try to figure out if I am genuinely being led to a different outcome than what I *want*. Is my intuition trying to speak to me, or is it just fear? It can be really hard to sort the two out, sometimes.

Good luck.

[LadyJade]

I learned a great lesson about worry a couple of years ago when we went through this crazy week where everything that could go wrong (almost) did. We were kicked out of our rental home for 4 days (long story, but it had to look unlived in) and had to live in a hotel with our dogs, hubby had a gallbladder attack and ended up in the ER, our car was broken into (and our guns were in the trunk because of the house situation - luckily they didn't get stolen!!!) and some other things... so much CRAP all at once, and yet we held it together and made it through somehow.

Made me realize what a waste of time and health worry is. I hadn't been able to anticipate or plan for any of that stuff anyway, and all the crap I DID worry about didn't even happen. What's the point?

Worry can be functional if it helps you anticipate likely scenarios that you can do something about. You develop backup plans, if possible, and then let it go. Don't waste the time you have when NOTHING happens to be wrong with worry about when stuff will go wrong. You'll deal with it then - and trust me - you will deal with it. It will be OK.

Balance out your worry with what exotic things that could go wrong at the hospital BECAUSE of the hospital that you will be safe from at home. There are SO many more variables at the hospital that are beyond your control or anticipation. You are at their mercy, in addition to your own birth. By eliminating that HUGE variable and staying at home, all you have to do is trust in your body to do this. It was made to do this.

I know this is easier said than done, and I'm sure I'll need a pep talk or two getting closer, but hang in there. WE CAN DO THIS.

[motherhendoula]

Just my two cents

Did you ever think your 'worry' may be left over anxiety from moving your entire family from Alaska to Arizona? i moved .5 mile to the east half way through my current pregnancy and i still cant calm down about it! lol - you have had some incredible changes happen during the course of your pregnancy - and of course you have to be there to help your husband and children acclimate themselves as well....it may be an uneasy feeling left over from being in a new house in a new city in a new state in a new time zone and climate!
You have a lot to process - even if it was a great move and terrific new life. Have you thought about joining a LLL group near you - or a 'mothers group' - or look for a 'find your tribe' here to find more like-minded mommies. It must be VERY DIFFICULT not to be able to freely talk about a planned homebirth with your own parents. It would probably help to find some women who support this decision and have done it themselves! Good luck and congrats!

[laerhk]

I think women have doubts regardless of their choice in location/provider simply because so many different outcomes can occur, as each baby/birth is different. I agree with the above posts: "worry" about it long enough to have a "plan b" and then move on by focusing on the positive again. I find watching homebirth videos (because that's what I'm planning) helps me calm down a lot. Questions I have about Plan B get asked at my next appt with the midwives (because that's what I'm planning) help me reaffirm that my backup plans are legit and reasonable and equally "positive". A little imagery/prayer/positive thinking helps, too. (So would reading birth outcomes that don't start out "I'm so upset; I just have to share; etc.")