Explaining death to a 4.5yo - need advice

[busymama77]

I wasn't sure if I should've posted this here or in Spirituality. Please move if necessary.

We have a wake to attend tomorrow evening and this is the first time that either of my kids have been to something like this and I would like to be prepared with answers to my ODS's questions.
Do I explain to him before hand where we're going? Pretty much all of the family will be there. I want to be as simple as possible when explaining what has happend - "Our Uncle has gone on to heaven to be with Jesus now.' "He was very sick and his body became tired" (when he sees him in the casket) - something like this.
We're not super religious, but he knows about God and Jesus and we pray at dinner.

Any advice you can share if you've BTDT?? Thanks.

[GuildJenn]

We've shared with my son about my daughter's death and sadly we've also lost two family members since he was about 2.5, and he's attended a funeral.

I think simple and truthful is good. For us, gone to be with Jesus wouldn't be quite enough of an explanation (it sounds like a holiday). We're pretty blunt: Grandma P. died. Death is when your body doesn't work any more. It mostly happens to people who are very, very old - waaaay older than mummy and daddy. That kind of thing.

I've read, and I believe, it's important not to confuse it with sleep, because kids can then get freaked out about sleeping.

I will say that it's important to keep in tune for a while after a funeral...about two weeks after we attended one my son was watching Elmo and Andrea Bocelli on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgUnYzXU-Fo) and my son started crying. He kind of associated the operatic music and the singing with a funeral and thought Elmo was dying. Who knew?

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

I think simple and truthful is good. For us, gone to be with Jesus wouldn't be quite enough of an explanation (it sounds like a holiday). We're pretty blunt: Grandma P. died. Death is when your body doesn't work any more. It mostly happens to people who are very, very old - waaaay older than mummy and daddy. That kind of thing.

This is what we say as well. X died. His body didn't work anymore. Then we may discuss why if he asks - cancer, heart attack, whatever happened. DS has asked if kids can die, so we've explained that they can but usually don't. It's usually older people who die but not always.

[busymama77]

OK. These are good tips/suggestions. Thanks!