husband unsure about Bradley... - Page 2

[dachshund mom]

Classes will help him be more confident about the whole thing, understand what's going on during the birth, and understand more about the benefits to going natural. We took them and DH ended up being no real help in the labor, it was all about the midwives who knew exactly what to do. I don't think he said 2 words the entire time. I had a short labor though, 7 hours total and two of that I thought was a stomach ache. All that stuff about offering drinks, massaging, fluffing pillows, and visualizations went out the window. But he knew that when I was crawling on the floor, the baby wasn't going to shoot out at any second. It's best to stay home as long as possible, and DH wasn't freaking out about us getting to the bc. Stuff like that was good.

But, I just reread and you're in a hospital. Will one mw be with you the entire time, or will they leave you off and on? Do you feel like she'll be pushing to break your water, or to get an epidural if you get tired? Do they usually put the baby on mom's tummy right after the birth, delay cord cutting, bathe him in room or will someone need to be there to direct that stuff? If you think it might go that way, the doula would be my choice.

[so_blessed]

We've used the Bradley method for four out of five children. My husband loves it. We told our friends who were expecting their first child about the Bradley method. When I told them that I was making a blanket for them that would arrive late as a baby gift after their daughter's birth, they said, "You don't need to get us a gift. Telling us about the Bradley method was the best gift you could ever give us!"

[BarefootGirl]

We did end up signing up for the Bradley classes. We were leaning towards a doula because of DH's concerns, but when DH started reading "The Birth Partner" he started leaning more towards classes.

I will be in a hospital with a midwife. The midwife will be with me a good bit - much more so than an OB, but wont be there 100% of the time. If I was going to have an OB, I'd probably choose the doula instead but I'm feeling more comfortable with it being just DH and myself since we're birthing in a natural-birth friendly hospital with a midwife. The midwife has assured me there won't be any pushing of pitocin or epidural and I'll be allowed freedom of movement, etc.

[CookAMH]

My husband would also heartily endorse taking the classes. YOU may be learning a lot, but to support you, he really needs to learn too. My midwife had required us to take a childbirth class in being first-time parents.

Often, the instructors will barter for some of the fee. Take a look at that. And then, you can ask around about doulas in training who charge very little...maybe if those both work out, you will end up paying no more than you would to do one or the other.

I really recommend taking the classes and it wouldn't at all be incongruent with a waterbirth.

ETA: I saw your later response...I am glad you are doing the classes!

[lis0928]

I think you and your husband have made a great decision. We took a Bradley class before our first was born (hospital birth) and I can honestly say he deserves most, if not, all of the credit for my intervention-free, unmedicated birth.

My labor was fast and furious (4,5 hours total), so the visualization, back rub stuff was a nice idea, but we never used it. But, he was instrumental at keeping the nurses off my back. They were flummoxed because every time they tried to do something to me, he would say, "Is mom in danger? Is baby in danger?" No and no? Okay, we'd like some privacy please.

Second child was born at a birthing center, so he didn't need to use his advocacy skills at all, but it was another quick labor (under 5) and I was feeling really out of control/in need of a break during transition. He reached into his bag of Bradley tricks to gently remind me that this feeling meant it was almost over.

I now find myself in the unexpected spot of having been transfered to a high-risk practice in my third trimester of this pregnancy. I am probably looking at an induction with a very interventionist group of doctors and the ONLY thing keeping me sane right now is the knowledge that my husband has the skills and the will to support me through this.

All this to say---I love the Bradley method. I love that it gives the couple the tools to handle their labor together. I didn't weigh in earlier, because, although I am a huge advocate, I think it is crucial that the husband/partner/coach really buy in. For that reason, I don't always recommend it to friends, if their partner is on the fence, I think it could be a mistake to try to push it on them. But since your husband came to the decision himself, I think it will be a great fit for the two of you!

[Girlprof]

It sounds like you've got a solution you are happy with and that is wonderful!

I just wanted to point out, given the above discussion, that to me, a husband and a doula do very different things. We did Bradley-inspired (though not Bradley) classes and had a doula. My husband did not (and could not) learn how to be a doula, but he had a more important job: my husband, and father of our children. He was the best at encouraging me when things got tough, reminding me how great I was doing, etc. Our relationship and our trust and love for each other were the foundations of his support.

Our doula was super at helping me work through various choices that presented themselves, knowing massage techniques, "keeping the space" around the birth. She really enabled my DH to support me.

[Belle]

Dh would have never agreed to a HB for #2 if he hadn't been warmed up to the idea during our Bradley classes for #1. I wish that we could have had a doula also, but the Bradley classes were worth every penny.

ETA: Neither would I for that matter. I'd never even considered a HB for #1. Once I saw how normal birth could be, I knew I wanted something different the second time around.