Am I the only one?

[Monarchgrrl]

Does anyone else here NOT feel movement?? Here's the reason I ask (warning- it's long!):

I've just been pretty down lately. I've felt really alone and left out of the "pregnancy world". Everywhere I read online, everyone is experiencing stuff that I'm not, especially in in this DDC. (I know I'm a few weeks behind others here, but I've been reading threads about movement for WEEKS now). I barely feel any movements. I had the midwife check with the doppler because I was really worried. The heartbeat was good and strong, she's growing perfectly, she just barely moves. DW says she's just like me and likes to just lay around and be lazy. I'd rather think she's reading lots of books in there.

But everyone talks a lot about SEEING the baby move from the outside, knowing just when they kick and turn all the way over(!) and feel the kicks from the outside and they are able to feel from the outside what position the baby is in!!!! I can't even imagine all that. I feel nothing from the outside, rarely anything on the inside (and then when I do, I fart, so then I think maybe it was gas! ), DW can't feel anything from the outside, no way can we SEE anything from the outside or palpate position.

Honestly, besides getting bigger and being more tired, I don't even FEEL pregnant! And that sucks because I've dreamed about this time forever and wanted to be pregnant longer than I've wanted to raise a child and I feel let down. I only have 3 months left. When do I get to feel the fun stuff? And because of all that, I feel really disconnected from the baby and being pregnant. Like it's still not real. And I know everyone says- be patient you'll feel it soon and then wish it would stop so you can sleep, but I don't feel that way. I only have 3 months left to feel anything or start to feel connected or feel like there's any sort of "relationship" or bond between her and I. I don't really expect there to be a great bond right now, but shouldn't I feel like there is something growing in me?

So, does anyone else here NOT feel movement from the outside and barely, if any from the inside, or am I the only one??

[Annemarie42]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. My first baby did not move a great deal-- in fact, she regularly went hours without my perceiving movement, even toward the end of the pregnancy (I spent a lot of time drinking juice and laying down and poking at her to try to get her to move). It stressed me out, even though she was developing normally-- she just wasn't especially active in utero. I did feel her movements more strongly toward the end of the pregnancy, I want to say after 30 weeks or so (and it was probably more toward that point that my husband could feel her move). Do you know the location of your placenta? If it is in the front, that may be muffling some of the movement (and if that is the case, you will gradually feel more and more).

[Melly24]

Big hugs Beth. I'm not experiencing what your are, but I didnt want to read and run. Maybe post your question in the main I'm Pregnant forum to get a wider audience too?

[Monarchgrrl]

Thanks you two!

My placenta is at the fundus, so that shouldn't be an issue. My midwife said that you can't feel kicks when they are directed at the back of the uterus, but I would think she'd be moving around and not constantly facing my back, right? And I'd think I would be able to feel her moving around.

[rparker]

With my first pregnancy I know that I must have felt movement because I remember being able to do kick counts toward the end, but I don't think I really ever felt her *that* much until the last 2 months or so. Even at 40+ weeks, on the day I went into labor, I wasn't feeling a fraction of the movement that I feel with this pregnancy.

I mostly wanted to add though that I never really felt connected to or really aware of Alice until after she was born. I remember reading posts by other women in my DDC (not on MDC) about the connection and bond they felt to their baby and being completely unable to relate. I remember telling my husband that I thought they were crazy and that (to me) "bonding with your unborn baby" was equivalent to having warm fuzzy feelings for your own spleen or liver.

My experience with this pregnancy has been very different. I don't know if it's just because of weakened muscles (so I have a more physical reminder of "oh that's a BABY!") or being pre-sensitized to the hormones or maybe just having a more concrete conception of what mothering an infant is like... but it's definitely way, way different. It could even be that some babies are just more mellow and that this one is going to be way more active than her sister. If I had had this pregnancy first and my first one now though I'd be totally freaking out over the contrast.

Alice was probably a few hours old before it finally clicked that "oh, I have a BABY" but we became super bonded after that to the point where I couldn't stand to be away from her and had a really strong physical awareness of her presence that's only changed/weakened gradually over the past year or so as she's become more independent.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I don't think you're strange for not feeling that much at this point, especially with a first pregnancy.

[rparker]

p.s. A "trick" for feeling more movement is to drink something super sweet and processed maybe even with a little caffeine in it. (I think this probably works more if you have a generally healthy diet.) Like, for me, drinking a can of Coke or an iced mocha will cause this one to freak out. And when I was in a car accident a few weeks ago the CNM examining me had me drink two glasses of disgustingly sweet fruit juice to get more reactivity on the fetal monitors.

Also (TMI alert) using my vibrator causes this baby to flip out... like to the point where I don't really feel comfortable using it anymore

Don't feel bad if neither of those things "work"... I just thought I'd throw them out there since it never occurred to me to do either with my first pregnancy.

[honeybee]

I'm almost 29 weeks, and this baby moves a lot less than my other ones did. I am feeling some small kicks or jumps, but they are really subtle and are not particularly consistent. I have tried letting the kids or dh feel the baby move, but by the time they get there, baby has usually stopped. It hasn't been very long that I've even been able to feel baby moving from the outside.

[CherryBomb]

I never felt (or saw!) much movement at all with my first. Hiccups were about the only thing I felt regularly! I think part of it might just because it's your first baby. The muscles haven't been stretched out before so they're much tighter and it can take longer to feel movement and it might not be as strong as moms who are on their second or more. I think we my first it wasn't really till the last month that I really felt strong kicks and dh could consistently feel from the outside. Sometimes too you just get "quiet" babies!

[sunwillshine]

Though I am not experiencing the same, I just wanted to offer s. I definitely can relate to the "have been wanting to experience and enjoy pregnancy since forever" part, and I know this must be tough.

For what it's worth, although I've been feeling taps and light movement since about 20 weeks, the real crazy movement has only been going on since 28 weeks or so. Hang in there, mama. xo

[chely7425]

I am 27 weeks with my 3rd baby and have only occassionally felt him from the outside... I get a minute or 2 of kicks a day but nothing like a lot of ladies on here. With my first I don't really remember ever feeling him till like.. the last month or 2.

[outlier]

Originally Posted by Lyndzies

For what it's worth, although I've been feeling taps and light movement since about 20 weeks, the real crazy movement has only been going on since 28 weeks or so. Hang in there, mama. xo

This was my experience as well. It's like baby knew we were finally in the third trimester and thought, "Whoa, I'd better start working on my muscle tone! I don't have much time left!"

[Monarchgrrl]

Thanks, everyone! I guess I must just be one of the ones that won't feel anything til near the end. I guess I just never hear about those women, so I felt like I was the oddball. I sure hope it means she's chill and relax after birth too! I'll just try to be patient and hope it picks up soon. It really does help to know that a lot of your first babies was like this. Thank you!

rparker- thanks for the tips! I don't drink soda and stay away from caffeine, but maybe a big chocolate bar and a vibrator is in order. Sounds like a nice night to me!

[FireWithin]

Oh Beth. I am sorry, what a disappointment.
I definitely had little movement with my first. We joked that he was out little relaxed pothead boy. Turns out he isn't. Wouldn't mind if he would relax a bit.

I have some extra fluff on the outside, so I rarely see movement, certainly none of that crazy movement other mamas say.

[Monarchgrrl]

UPDATE- So one night last week I felt the baby kick from the outside for the first time!! It went on for about 10 minutes straight and it was amazing and surreal. DW was at work and was really sad she wasn't there to feel it.

But then on Sunday I felt something again (the first time since last week) and she rushed over to me and we talked to the baby and kept asking her to kick again so her other mama could feel it and she did! She did it about 4 times! DW was thrilled and really loved it! So, it looks like things are starting to pick up a little, and I'm sure it'll come more and more. It's interesting how things happen just when I'm starting to feel really down about it.

[Melly24]

That's so awesome Beth! It's such a cool feeling isnt it. It'll just get bigger and better from here I too often find that once I put some worries out there, something happens to help resolve them

[ILovePie]

Yay! I'm glad you are feeling lots more movement now!

Another trick is to curl up in a ball as much as you are comfortable - I feel lots more of the little movements that way!

[oliversmom7213]

Ds was way more relaxed then this one. This baby has already assulted my cervix and is constantly pushing against my stomach with her feet.
With DS i never felt him kick up high (or at my ribs like other moms complain about) My MW thought he was feet down just because of that. Turns out when he was born we could tell he was sitting crossed legged the whole time and that is why there were no kicks. (his legs were bowed so that they fit perfectly together when crossed).
Anyways he was just mellow and didn't need to move a lot i guess. Now of course is a different story although if he is tired he will ask for a nap.

I also didn't feel connected as I just couldn't even begin to image a baby in there. I would barely talk to him b.c I thought it was wierd, but after he was born and it was just me and him at home it all came together. My whole life was him for the first 3 months, and to this day I rarely (like maybe 5x's since he has been born) have left him to go out on the weekends when I could be home with him. I think what you feel is perfectly normal especially for first time moms and I wouldn't stress about it.