Balance - is it possible?

[Callimom]

Summer is only half over and I'm already struggling with how to balance everything come September.

We are very relaxed community based learners in general. I direct academic skills - so my kids do math and some form of language/reading about 4 days a week in the morning but it takes about 30 - 60 minutes depending on how focused they are.

Beyond that I try to keep our time open for volunteering, community events, field trips, our regular Friday co-op, hikes etc.

So I have been talking to my kids this week about what they want to do in the fall/winter as far as lessons and programs go. It's always been a family policy that they can do 2 things per season in addition to the few activities (co-ops, volunteering etc) that we do regularly as a family.

In the past I have been able to get most kids doing the same thing at the same time and so could block out 3 full days a week at home or for family time but this year that has all fallen apart.

My oldest wants to do fencing and curling - both new passions of his, and possibly a robotics co-op like he did last year. I would also like him to take and online writing course.
My DD1 is doing hockey and curling and would like to do girl guides which I am waffling on
My DS2 is considering bailing on hockey this year. Of all my kids he is the one who needs a winter sport the most so we are talking alternatives. He wants to do a book club (which I would likely have to organize) or junior naturalists.
My DD2 is doing hockey and choir.

We have a chance to do FLL this year which is something I would love to try with my kids.

I plotted everything out on a weekly schedule to see how it would all fit and it is giving me a headache just thinking about it. It's doable but I can see that an extra event or two a week - a field trip or volunteer commitment could easily tip it into crazy. The thing is those two things in particular are the cornerstones of our homeschooling and I don't want to be second guessing those opportunities or not making the most of them because of a crazy schedule.

So I guess I am looking to find out how other families - particularly those with more than 2 kids and/or older kids manage. Is this just a natural evolution? How do you balance out in the world time and at home time when the schedule looks crazy and the kids aren't always travelling in the same direction anymore.
How do you balance supporting child led pursuits with more academically oriented ones.

Any thoughts?
Karen

[CariOfOz]

I only have 2hs'ers at the moment.. and they are 8 & 6.. so I have no advice really. But your list of stuff has me I can see why it's overwhelming you. I have NO idea how I'll work this when I get to that point, so I guess for now i just get to be thankful that mine want to follow each other around and choose the same activities? Here's hoping someone with experience in this area pops in!

[kathymuggle]

A few questions:

Are the activities primarily with other HSer or with the world at large? In your shoes i would aim for a mix - that way you can get some activities done during the day with fellow HSers, and some at night when, hopefully, your DP can do some of the slepping around as well.

How married are they to hockey? Hockey, unless you have a great, relaxed league, often requires major use of resources (both time and money).

Let me know of any questions you have about Girl Guides. I can probably answer you. Girl Guides can be very sleepy or very active - it depends on the leader. I can at least let you know what questions to ask.

[RiverSky]

I do see that your schedule will be busy, but only for a few months, before you can reevaluate and figure out if continuing is doable or not. We often have 3 month periods that are that busy, and then we take a few weeks of break and figure out what we want to do for the next "semester".

[moominmamma]

As you probably know we have struggled with this over the years. Our situation is made more challenging because my dh, due to his work, is cannot be particularly involved even during evenings and weekends, and also because many of our activities require several hours of driving. On the other hand, our situation is less challenging because my kids' interests intersect a lot -- all four are in the same community orchestra, for example.

Over the years I have used family meetings as a place to hash out a balance of out-of-home activities. The theme is always that "it has to work for everyone." Meaning the siblings and the parents all need to find their schedules reasonable and sustainable. We make our best effort to ensure that each child gets the opportunity to participate in one organized athletic and and one out-of-home arts activity once a week -- particularly if those things are local. But anything beyond that is unlikely to fit easily and will likely only happen if they happen to fit into a perfect time, be easy to get to, and not intrude to any significant extent on the lives of other family members.

So when things don't fit easily, we work together as a family to discuss what gives, and there's a tradition of tough choices that we've all experienced and come to accept. We can't do everything we want. My youngest would love to do choir, my middle dd would love gymnastics; my eldest would love to do symphony orchestra; these are activities that have or might have worked out in the past for various kids, but they don't work now, not without extra out-of-town trips. They could give something else up to choose those instead, but they're too committed to their other activities. The end result is that my kids have tended to get deeply committed to a couple of areas and stick with those year after year. I do feel a bit of guilt that they haven't been able to pursue a fair number of interests and talents, but I try to remember that their lives do not end when they're 18, and that I never skated, or played soccer, or rock-climbed, or sang in a choir, until I was an adult.

Some things get a little easier as they get older. My elder two are now getting themselves to a number of their activities on buses or bikes despite a lack of public transit in our town. My 11yo is becoming an ace at calling around to arrange rides for herself to the extra things she wants to do and also gets around by bike a bit. When they can pull these things off they're free to add extra activities. The phase of diversion of interests but having kids not yet old enough to get places on their own is a temporary one.

Good luck juggling things.

Miranda

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

A few questions:

Are the activities primarily with other HSer or with the world at large? In your shoes i would aim for a mix - that way you can get some activities done during the day with fellow HSers, and some at night when, hopefully, your DP can do some of the slepping around as well.

How married are they to hockey? Hockey, unless you have a great, relaxed league, often requires major use of resources (both time and money).

Let me know of any questions you have about Girl Guides. I can probably answer you. Girl Guides can be very sleepy or very active - it depends on the leader. I can at least let you know what questions to ask.

Thanks Kathy

We actually have a fantastic hockey league. It's non competitive (they don't keep score), no contact, skill based, co-ed, multi-age grouping and 4 - 5 coaches per team. The teams all practise together before the game with all the coaches helping all the kids and if one team is short kids that week they even up the numbers so the game can still be played fairly. It's sort of like anti-hockey . And as far as hockey goes it is cheap. My husband coaches, and its not super intrusive in our schedule (happens early on Saturday morning).

For the most part the activities are a mix - my oldest has all homeschool focused stuff but the other kids have one homeschool activity, one community one and the FLL will be mixed. DH will coach hockey, robotics and help with FLL. And he can do pick up at fencing.

As for the girl guides it's more the social aspect that concerns me. Em is super outgoing and generally fits in fairly easily but is not super "worldly". She's dyslexic, diabetic (and homeschooled). It's important to me to keep her in the space where she's positive about all of those things. She knows her brain and body work differently than some but there isn't negativity associated with that. I'm worried that in a group of 9-11 y/o girls she might get/internalize a different message. I am a bit sensitized to how unkind some kids can be to her given a few recent interactions with neighbourhood kids and random kids at the library. I would probably have to stay or have her dad stay with her for at least the first little while until we get a handle on the program and how it might affect her diabetes (activity level, food, adrenylin (sp?) and I really don't want to - lol. It means one more evening tied up (I already am out one night a week, as is my DH in addition to any kid stuff we do).

The balance issue for me is in terms of total quantity of activities and the fact that we used to achieve the same level of activity but the kids did it mostly together which meant less out of the house time overall, less schlepping, less driving, less coordinating, less organizing for me (I will organize curling, fencing, FLL, our friday co-op and this potential book club).

All these activities on their own are great, enriching etc. And my individual kids aren't so busy with only two activities a week plus our family ones. I've been trying to take a look at how we can manage carpools etc to lighten the load for some of it. For the most part though we willstill need to travel as a pod and it means that for we are out too much, and there aren't stretches of family time and down time.

I struggle with the balance between active and enriching (which is what we base a lot of our educational pursuits on) and relaxed with stretches of time for just reading, or spontaneous hikes or free play (which recharge and are really I think one of the main benefits of homeschooling.)

Sorry I don't mean to whine and be negative and re-reading this post that is what it sounds like. I am worried about finding the groove this year, and maintaining the family feel to our homeschooling when it feels like we are going in 100 different directions and that my energy will be used more in the schlepping mode than the facilitating mode - iykwim.

Thanks for your thoughts.
Karen

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

I do see that your schedule will be busy, but only for a few months, before you can reevaluate and figure out if continuing is doable or not. We often have 3 month periods that are that busy, and then we take a few weeks of break and figure out what we want to do for the next "semester".

Thanks for your thoughts.
Some of the things we will commit to for the full year/season. Hockey, curling, choir, fencing, our friday co-op all require a commitment of 6 months or so, as would guides if we go that route.

Robotics will sort of follow FLL. My husband will do much of that but I still need to do some coordinating and for FLL will be more involved. Together they represent 6-7 months of at least weekly activity.

We of course could always bail if things are too much but for my kids their individual activity level isn't so high. It's the combined amount and the overall effect on family and down time that I am struggling with. If we could somehow pack all these things into 2 or 3 days a week so that we have wide stretches of time. But they are sort of scattered all across the week.

blah - lol.
I need to get back in that headspace of the lazy days of summer.....

Karen

[Callimom]

Thanks Miranda

I do think that part of the challenge is an overwhelming number of really interesting options. I also know that it isn't necessarily sustainable for our family to have all the kids doing the same things at the same time (but man it was nice and simple- lol)

Part of that balance question is honouring the overall family needs with their own individual passions and figuring out what level of support I can give each of those passions before it tips the balance. Faciliating some of this also means actually being the one to organize the program/league/events which puts an added layer onto it as far as energy requirements from me.

Em's medical needs and one of my kid's reemerging need to have me stick close means that my attendance in requred even for those activities that might be drop off for other families.

And I am sure that part of it is me dragging my feet into the next stage of family life where we are having to plan the family time, rather than family time being the default - iykwim.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Savoir Faire]

This is just my personal opinion...but it is too much. We were gone every single weekday last year doing something...and by May I was totally burned out.

Still am, to an extent. Seriously.

I get what you're doing--- because I totally do it, too. But you can't expect to have 2 different activities for four children PLUS co-op, volunteering, field trips and anything else that would strike your fancy.

Either you have a couple choices: Hire someone to drive your kids to some of these places or cut down on commitments. One sport per season is plenty.

Down time is a good thing. Remember that. Downtime is a good thing.

(Now...off to figure out how I can possibly say "no" to some of the awesome co-op classes offered in the Fall...)

[MamaMonica]

If you can carpool and get someone else to do some driving, maybe you can swing it. To find balance we often start overscheduled and have to re-evaluate and drop some activities and keep the ones they like best.

One sport per kid is all I can handle- now that's soccer in fall and baseball in spring. They had more but we were frazzled and had no down time. We also weren't eating dinner together. So it depends on priorities and how much your family can handle.

[Tigeresse]

I can sure relate to the feeling of being spread thin here! 2 years ago, before my oldest was driving while also having a job and classes he had to get to I thought I'd lose my mind because his work/CC schedule became my schedule. I had to turn down, limit, or find other drivers for my other 3 kids stuff. When he finally got his license, it helped a ton because not only could he take himself to work and classes, but he could also help with the younger kids here and there.

Even so, I am one of those who really values the "home" in homeschooling, and also the freedom that comes from not being tied to a schedule. So many wonderful things have happened when it's just us, with nowhere to be and nothing to do. I *love* when the kids are creating eloborate games and I don't have to interrupt to go somewhere. I can think of so many classes and activities we have done in the past that ended up being more of a bother to get to and do than we had hoped, and over time I have really learned to be very discerning with what we commit to. However, I know families who absolutely thrive on going somewhere everyday, and will travel great distances as well. They are excellent multi-taskers, which I, unfortunately, am not.

I think the balance comes from determining as a family what exactly your priorities are, and also being flexible when you find things are not working out.

[VisionaryMom]

My kids are much, much younger, but we were in too much last year. We were, like SF, gone daily for most of the school year between adult commitments (nonprofit boards, volunteering) and children's commitments. It was too much, and we are taking a serious break this year.

I've talked to MIL about this situation. My ILs had 5 kids with a 6-year span between oldest and youngest, who had SN that required various therapies. She said that at the beginning of the fall & winter school terms, she took one afternoon when no one was allowed to bug her to write everyone's schedule on a master calendar. She looked then at major problem areas and found solutions. Then each Sunday she would write down what she had to do and what FIL had to do for the week (so - Monday, Child X needs to be at Field Y at Time Z). As the kids got older, she also worked on carpooling with other families. She also said that she set a dinner time for everyday and made sure everyone knew when it was. (The kids were allowed to run & play in the neighborhood but were expected to come home to eat.) They did manage to do it and still eat dinner together most nights, but she said there were a few years when the kids had divergent activities but couldn't drive yet that it was rough.

Also, it sounds like you're organizing more than your share of the activities. Plus your DH seems to be doing much of the coaching or teaching. Perhaps there are other parents who would be willing to share the burden. While I'm all for coaching/leading/organizing, sometimes you should get to sit on the bench and just enjoy, too.

[phathui5]

Could you drop the Friday co-op? It looks like you're talking about adding a lot of other activities, so maybe you could skip the co-op this year.

Is there anything who you trust at choir who could drive your dd sometimes so that you're not taking her for every practice?

I have four children who will be 10, 7, 5 and 3 this school year. We do have a lot to balance and I think it comes with having more children and also having children that are older. My 5yo will have speech therapy three days a week. My 7yo and 10yo both have swim lessons at the Y and 10yods wants to start karate at the Y because I pulled him out of the disorganized taekwondo school they'd been going to. Dd wants to get back into gymnastics. And I know there will be other things they'll want to do.

[pigpokey]

I don't do any irregular things. I pack the schedule and it's rare that I will deviate. It seems to work best for the kids right now. Even if it's not a class, just like going to the ice rink, I will put it on for a regular basis. If I have Wednesday mornings at home, they are at home.

My *kids* are available but I can be hard to see if you aren't sharing an activity with me during the year.

[mediumcrunch]

I *try* not to leave the house more than once a day and carpool and get dh doing some of the driving as much as a possible. We live in a rural area near a large city and most of the homeschool activities are in the city and too far so we make do.
Our schedule last year:

Monday: Odyssey of the Mind for 17,13,11 and 9 year old. I would drive them all down to my friends house (about 15 miles away) pick up my team (middle school boys) and go back to my house to meet then drive them back to my friends house and pick my kids up.

Tuesday: Civil Air Patrol. Dh does it.

Wednesday: Taekwondo. for the 15 and 17 year old. and math tutoring at night (35 mile drive into the city, dh brings them home)

Thursday: chess club for 15 and 13 year old and every other week horseback for the 11 year old. that would get crazy. I would drop horse girl off about 5 miles from home, pick up boys, drive 20 miles to chess, drive back and get horse girl and if dh couldn't make it drive BACK and get the boys. Crazy!!!

Friday: free unless we move tutoring.

This year dd (9) is deciding if she wants to go back to dance and horseback has been moved to Wednesday mornings. Oldest dd will be taking dual credit classes but they should be internet based so I don't have to deal with that (she doesn't have her license yet). My boys and husband have CAP related activities at least a few more times a month beyond Tuesday meetings.

All this is about my limit. I would have a nervous breakdown if I had to fit in practices and games for a sport like soccer or football. OotM and CAP take up enough of our time.