Am I just being a nervous nelly? / Update

[candelaria80]

So my mom desperately wants to get her hands on DD! She just loves and adores her so much, and DD LOVES her right back. Recently my mom has been hinting that she wants to take her for a night. I have told her many times that she still nurses throughout the night and I don't think it is the right time etc.

Well, my mom decided that she would "treat" my DH and I to a night on the town and a hotel room for the night as our 5 year anniversary gift. She purposely chose a hotel that was close to her so if any issues arose we could swing by and rescue the babe.

Her motives are obvious to me, but we accepted the "gift" graciously and now that the date is approaching (Aug. 7th) I am more and more unsure. I know my LO and I know that she will be up at 2:30am to nurse, then again at 4:30. I am planning on pumping and she is very comfortable with my mom, but I am still nervous. I don't want to pass this feeling on to DD.

Am I just being overprotective? I honestly trust my mom with DD more then anyone else, except for DH of course, and she has spent decent amounts of time with her with absolutely no issues at all, but I still have a little pit in my stomach.

[Knitting Mama]

If you really feel like you're not ready for it-- and I don't blame you, I doubt I would be-- I would listen to your gut. It is a lovely present and very nice of her to do it, but the bottom line is that she did it knowing that you weren't ready for it, and that's frankly a little manipulative, in my opinion.

[lifeguard]

Is dc comfortable taking a bottle during the day? Will she fall asleep without nursing to sleep? Those would be the big things for me.

Before the first time my Mom took ds overnight I made sure she was prepared for a night of very little sleep. She knew we did NOT cio under any circumstances & she went into the night ready to not really sleep. The night went well.

[Violet2]

You know, given that you trust your mom and your DD loves her, I would go for it. Just ask her to please call you if there's a problem.

But I bet your DD will take the bottle just fine. Or not, but you know kids can surprise you with how they adapt to situations.

As long as you trust her to call you and not power through, leaving your DD to cry, I would do it.

But be prepared for her to be super clingy when you come back.

V

[aramat]

Well, I see that your baby is nearly a year old... And the hotel is near where baby will be... And you say you trust your mom with her... I'd write up a pros and cons list if it were me. As a 3rd-timer, I'm inclined to say go for it, but at the same time you need to always trust and be allowed to trust your motherly instinct.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by aramat

you need to always trust and be allowed to trust your motherly instinct.

This. I personally would be pretty upset if my mother tried to push me into leaving my baby overnight before I was ready-- although if we're being realistic here it would be my in-laws making that choice for me, not my parents. I don't want my mama instincts to be pushed aside because someone else decides it's time due to whatever arbitrary criteria they have.

[candelaria80]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

Is dc comfortable taking a bottle during the day? Will she fall asleep without nursing to sleep? Those would be the big things for me.

Before the first time my Mom took ds overnight I made sure she was prepared for a night of very little sleep. She knew we did NOT cio under any circumstances & she went into the night ready to not really sleep. The night went well.

She hasn't really taken a bottle since she was about 8 months or so? If I am away she will "eat" solids until I am back, I haven't been away from her for any real significant length of time, 5 hours has been the longest stretch. Even when she took a bottle, she has only really been offered a handful of times. She is now on to a cup, but I thought a bottle with breast milk would work best for this circumstance.
She does fall asleep without nursing with others, but if I'm there she of course would prefer to nurse. With MIL, my mom and DH she simply with play, grab her blanket and fall asleep, but I don't know what will happen in the middle of the night because I have always been there.
My mom is also very anti CIO and would never let her cry, so I have faith in that.
I am sure it will all be just fine, it is probably more that I am not ready!

[candelaria80]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama

If you really feel like you're not ready for it-- and I don't blame you, I doubt I would be-- I would listen to your gut. It is a lovely present and very nice of her to do it, but the bottom line is that she did it knowing that you weren't ready for it, and that's frankly a little manipulative, in my opinion.

I agree that it is pretty manipulative, but I know it is out of love for DD so I am choosing to overlook that.
The thing is, I do want her to be comfortable in different situations and my mom has gone over and beyond to learn about our parenting style and embrace it.
I think it is just difficult to figure out if it is DD's issues and needs I am stressing about or my own. KWIM?

[candelaria80]

Originally Posted by Violet2

But be prepared for her to be super clingy when you come back.

V

I am sure I will welcome that!!

Thanks for the advice!

[MamieCole]

I don't think you are being a nervous nelly at all. Each mom/baby combo is different and only you will know if you and your DD are both ready. I do know how it can be difficult to figure out the gut vs. head feelings and which one is the right one to follow.

My DS1 is almost 4 and he has yet to stay overnight with anyone other than us. When I had DS2, DS1 as a little over 3. I had to transfer to the hospital and that was the first night I was ever away from him. He has always needed a lot of nighttime parenting from me. My DD, however, was fine staying overnight w/my mom when she was 11 months old.

[mamadelbosque]

I'd just like to add that you never know. She may not wake up. I went black-friday shopping last year with friends and left a couple bottles w/ my mom and everyone understood that we might just have to run back so I could nurse ds (he was 4.5 months old? Somethin like that)... but he *NEVER* woke up - from 10:30 or 11 or whatever till 6:30 am when we picked him back up. He'd never done this previosly, and he's never done it since. but, that one time he did

So... I'd give it a try. You never know. You just never know.

[akind1]

I don't know when I will be ready to leave DS overnight; like your mom, my MIL is just itching to have him, he has had a nursery set up in her house since day one. and hasn't ever seen it, that i know of! LOL

I think, no matter what age you leave you baby overnight for the first time, there are going to be some jitters. Is she going to co-sleep with the baby, or room share? I think if babe is in their own space they may well sleep longer and may not wake to nurse - especially if they sense you are not there to meet that need. Good luck, and enjoy your night out! or try to -

[mom2happy]

Just my opinion- please dont get mad.

I would never leave a baby overnight anywhere with anyone unless I was in the hospital.
I feel that my dh and I have our whole lives for hotels and nights out and it will give us something to look forward to that will be fun.
I couldnt have fun or be ok with the thought that my infant or toddler could wake up and want me and me not be there because I was out on the town.
Its just not fair. How upsetting that would be.

We go on dates at home with glasses of wine and eat treats while the kids are in bed. It's fun and comfortable and we know that everyone is happy and no one loses out.

[Snapdragon]

I think it is right to trust that pit in the stomach feeling.
you could say to your Mom something like:

"Thank you so much for your kind gift. DD loves you so much and loves spending time with you. I just don't feel ready to be apart from her for the night yet. when I am you are the person I trust the most and will be the first person I leave her with."

[marge234]

I don't think there's a right or wrong decision here, but I do think it needs to be YOUR decision and I agree with concerns PP raised about your mother's pushing you to do something before you're ready. And that she's set it up so you can't easily say no. She's apparently pretty confident you'll defer to her rather than insist on your own preferences for DD.

Whatever you do in this situation, it might make sense to tell your mother you don't want to continue to operate this way. Yes, yes she means well and loves you and DD. But you're an adult and a mother now. You don't need her to make decisions for you, no matter how well intentioned. She may want DD overnight--and you might not want to disappoint your mother--but DD is not her baby, she's yours.

[mama2mygirl]

Wow, your mom sounds great. I know she's chomping at the bit for her first over nighter but at least it's because she's so excited about being with her granddaughter. I also think her gift is so sweet--a nearby hotel. She thought of that! Plus, the whole anti-cio is impressive.
My baby is five months older than yours and I don't know if I'd leave her yet. I'm just not sure. But, wow, you are lucky to have such a kind mom.

[Tway]

If your Mom loved your DD, and DD loves her right back, and you trust your Mom to take good care of her... I'd say go for it! Wow! A hotel and dinner and a little R&R can only do a mother some good! I'm even a little jealous...

Worst case scenario, you have to drive to your Mom's to feed DD in the middle of the night. Best case scenario, you have a GREAT weekend and come back refreshed! Although your Mom may have ulterior motives, she appears to really love your DD, which is what matters mot.

[Abraisme]

I also have a DD that is 11mo that wakes up at least 2 times in the middle of the night..

Personally, I would not be able to leave my DD overnight at this age. I simply wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that my baby was probably crying and screaming because I wasn't there. I would take the offer for babysitting and go out on a long date, perhaps even stay over with my mom so that she could take morning duty as well..

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by Tway

If your Mom loved your DD, and DD loves her right back, and you trust your Mom to take good care of her... I'd say go for it! Wow! A hotel and dinner and a little R&R can only do a mother some good! I'm even a little jealous...

Worst case scenario, you have to drive to your Mom's to feed DD in the middle of the night. Best case scenario, you have a GREAT weekend and come back refreshed! Although your Mom may have ulterior motives, she appears to really love your DD, which is what matters mot.

Exactly! My first ON is next weekend and while I'm nervous about leaving, I know that my FIL is looking foward to spending time with my DS. He still wakes up once or twice at night and my FIL is totally prepared.
DH and I are in desparate need of some time away - reconnecting time. It's been too hectic around our house, our lives, that we need this time to well, reconnect. I'm looking forward to it.
So, please, enjoy your time with your DH. You deserve it.

[candelaria80]

Thanks everyone for all of the replies. I am actually feeling a bit better about this today. I will only be about 10 minutes away and my mom has given me her word that she will call if DD needs me (I think I will have a talk with her before to outline exactly what that means). I think it will do DH and I some good and it will give DD a chance to spend some time with grandma; however, I have decided I am going to take a bit of Katie34's advice and give myself an out if this feeling doesn't go away by the day. My mom is pretty understanding and I know it will not hurt her feelings if I let her know how I am feeling. Maybe we can go to the concert and dinner, go back to the hotel for a while then pick up DD late, before her first feeding? I am going to give her a call.

mom2happy - Thanks for your input, and I would never get mad an opinion...I put it out there.
I too think I will probably have trouble relaxing and have fun because I will be thinking of the LO, but like many other people said, what if there are not any problems? I will never know until I try. Anyway, thank you again.