a friend of mine said to me, "I don't want anyone else to be pregnant when I am pregnant." and I can't seriously figure it out why.
Here is the short backstory. I have 2 kids. Her sil has 6. She is having a hard time getting pregnant with PCOS. She is having lapband surgery soon and has plans to get pregnant a time after that. My dh and I may start trying for our third next fall.... which coincedentally is the same time she would start trying. My dh saying we can have a 3rd is new and I was telling her about it... and she said, "So we would be pregnant at the same time if everything works out. I don't want anyone else to be pregnant when I am pregnant." She is afraid her sil may end up pregnant at that time again too.
I can't figure it out though. I am supposed to put a hold on my own family because she doesn't want to share something? I think she wants to be the center of attention after all this time of watching everyone else have kids and not being able too.... but how can she tell me she doesnt want me to be pregnant then because she might be?
I think what she is really saying is she doesnt want me to have any more kids because I have enough and she doesnt have any.
She also makes remarks quite frequently how she will never want more than one because anymore than that and you have at least one child not getting enough attention. I sort of take that personally... although I try to see that's just her point of view for her own family and it doesnt mean she is judging me or anyone else who has or wants more than one kid.
ANyway, just looking for someone to maybe help me see into her thinking here. I always wanted other people to be pregnant with me because its a hard thing to go through and it makes it easier if you have someone going through it at the same time too.
Here is the short backstory. I have 2 kids. Her sil has 6. She is having a hard time getting pregnant with PCOS. She is having lapband surgery soon and has plans to get pregnant a time after that. My dh and I may start trying for our third next fall.... which coincedentally is the same time she would start trying. My dh saying we can have a 3rd is new and I was telling her about it... and she said, "So we would be pregnant at the same time if everything works out. I don't want anyone else to be pregnant when I am pregnant." She is afraid her sil may end up pregnant at that time again too.
I can't figure it out though. I am supposed to put a hold on my own family because she doesn't want to share something? I think she wants to be the center of attention after all this time of watching everyone else have kids and not being able too.... but how can she tell me she doesnt want me to be pregnant then because she might be?
I think what she is really saying is she doesnt want me to have any more kids because I have enough and she doesnt have any.
She also makes remarks quite frequently how she will never want more than one because anymore than that and you have at least one child not getting enough attention. I sort of take that personally... although I try to see that's just her point of view for her own family and it doesnt mean she is judging me or anyone else who has or wants more than one kid.
ANyway, just looking for someone to maybe help me see into her thinking here. I always wanted other people to be pregnant with me because its a hard thing to go through and it makes it easier if you have someone going through it at the same time too.
I still think that this woman deserves a break. The OP should feel free to make her own choices in life, and quite honestly this may put a strain on their relationship, but the pain that woman is feeling deserves empathy and a listening ear. Infertility breeds ugly, deep, dark feelings and thoughts, and they're valid, and she probably needs someone to talk to. My best friend got pregnant while we're still TTC. She decided not the keep the baby. It could have killed our friendship, but we talked about it, and shared our feelings, and listened to each other, and it was HARD, but we made it. However hard feelings may be for others, talking about it and trying to understand helps. Which, btw, OP, kudos for posting and trying to understand her point of view. I hope she is willing to hear yours, too.
