When you ask/tell someone "I'm going to pray for you"

[mamadelbosque]

What response are you looking for? I was just told this at the park yesterday after a woman I & a friend (who is a born again christian) had just met when I told her I was an athiest/didn't believe in god. And I was just kinda dumbfounded... I sorta laughed it off (though I think I told her 'sure I don't really care... good luck with that' or something...), but its kinda bugged me ever since... I asked DH last night (whose family is much more religious than mine, and thus he understands the perspective a lot more than I do)... and he said I should just say "sure, thank you". But that just seems... odd to me.

SO! If you've ever told someone "I'm going to pray for you" - what response were you looking for/hoping for. If anyone has ever told you this, what was your response?

[Nazsmum]

The only thing that I'm looking for is answer to the pray. If I say that I'm going to pray I do.

If someone tells me they are going to pray for me...I just say thank you.

Sometimes I will pray with the person right there and then.

[VillageMom6]

I'm not sure what led you to telling someone you just met that you are an atheist. I can't say that I've ever had that conversation with a stranger. Did she ask you your affiliation? That would be awkward for everyone. It's sure not something that I do.

The times when I say "I"ll pray for you" are when someone is facing some sort of difficulty. The response is usually "Thank you". But I imagine there is a difference between being told that someone is praying that you be relieved from the crisis and being told that someone is praying for you to change your mind about something.

It sounds to me like you handled the situation just fine. I'm sure everyone meant well but it certainly was an awkward situation.

[mamadelbosque]

It was actually a very nice discussion we had before the subject of religion came up - all about birth, nursing, kids, etc... and then she asked what church we went to. Which precipitated the smile and nod "we don't.... I'm basicly an athiest", and thence the 'I'm going to pray for you. Is that OK? Is it OK if I pray for you. I'm going to pray for you' convo.... which was just strange.

[Bluegoat]

I wouldn't say that in that situation, for just the reason you point out. If I say this it is really only if I think the person will find it comforting. Otherwise I might just say that I will be thinking of them. (But not in response to them telling me they are atheists).

It could be that the person was being annoying on purpose, but probably it was just something that is said in her circle, and she isn't really sensitive enough to see how it comes off in this kind of situation.

I would just say something like "Thank you".

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

It was actually a very nice discussion we had before the subject of religion came up - all about birth, nursing, kids, etc... and then she asked what church we went to. Which precipitated the smile and nod "we don't.... I'm basicly an athiest", and thence the 'I'm going to pray for you. Is that OK? Is it OK if I pray for you. I'm going to pray for you' convo.... which was just strange.

Oh, I just saw this. I think her intentions were probably good, sounds like a person who thinks out loud.

I might say - "sure, it can't hurt." What you did is probably fine.

[IntuitiveJamie]

IMO, I don't think people are typically looking for a response. Just a simple, OK, nod, or Thank you is enough, or don't respond at all.

[cappuccinosmom]

From the other person...there is no "expected" response. I mean, if I just said I was going to pray for you to know God, and you're an atheist, I wouldn't expect you to say "Oh thank you."

[lmk1]

I'm an atheist, too...and I've had people tell me this. I always just say "thank you". I mean, who really cares what she's going to do? She's going to pray anyway, if not for you, then for something else, and if she's a nice person, then "thank you" is always non-confrontational. Maybe she figured since you're not praying for yourself, then you could use some extra prayers sent your way (not to change your mind, but just "good vibes" in general)?

[Aeress]

Personally, this would have annoyed me. I am UU/Pagan, and I would assume the person would pray that I "know God". To me, it assumes all people must know God, and I don't believe in that. I am fine with people praying for health, healing, that type of stuff but to help me "see the light" isn't necessary.

I would want to know what they are praying for? Even when I considered myself Christian I wasn't comfortable with the generic "praying for me". I wouldn't tell someone I just met that I was sending them "energy", I belief I hold.

I guess it just bugs me.

[SubliminalDarkness]

It would have bothered me, too. I can't obviously hear her tone, but I find it insulting when someone feels I need to be prayed for. It's one thing if we're talking about my DH's health or a job situation and someone says they'll pray for that. That doesn't insult me. But if someone wants to pray for my beliefs, well, yes, that offends me.

[Kahlan]

I would have been offended. Would it have been different if you had said "Oh, I'm Jewish"? What then? Atheism deserves as much respect, and at the heart of that comment is "I am praying for you to change your mind because I think you're wrong in your decisions." It's very disrespectful.

Now, I agree with the PP who said if it was for health or other hardship issues, that's one thing. Have at it. But to challenge your core beliefs is offensive.

[CherryBomb]

I do pray for conversions (sometimes generally, sometimes specifically), but I think it's odd to tell the person (unless they do end up converting, then I tell them I've been praying for them). At any rate, in general when I let someone know I'm praying for them, I don't expect a response (people usually say thanks, even people who don't believe in God/prayer I think usually appreciate knowing that people care and are praying for their health or whatever issues is going on).

[doubledutch]

ugh. sometimes i tell people, when they are going through something tough, that i'm remembering them in my prayers, or something. it depends on their beliefs. if it were one of my crunchier mama friends, i would probably be more likely to say i'm "sending love and light" than that i'm praying for them. i would never tell someone, even indirectly, that i was praying for their salvation/conversion whatever, both because doing so wouldn't mesh with my beliefs, but also because i think that's really offensive. i don't think i would ever tell someone i know to be an atheist that i'm praying for them. i'd probably just say (in the context of talking about them going through some difficulty) that i'm thinking of them often, or something. the non-spiritual equivalent. when i say something like that, i'm not "looking" for something from them, i'm offering support.

in the situation you described, i think my response would have been similar to yours. i know my family prays that i will return to the church they attend, even though i don't share their beliefs. it just makes me feel like . . . whatever. okay. fine. whatever floats your boat - it doesn't affect me. since she specifically asked your permission, i probably would have said i didn't care.

[EFmom]

If it's someone who knows that I'm an atheist, and are praying for my conversion, I'll say something along the lines of, "Thank you. And I'll sacrifice a chicken to Ba'al for you."

If it's someone who is offering to pray for me for an illness, for example, I just let it slide. I don't like it and it grates on my nerves, but their intentions are good.

[mamabadger]

The only time I tell people I am going to pray for them is when I know they belong to the same church I do. If someone in my church is sick, has had a death in the family, or whatever, I offer to pray for them or have them prayed for in the Sunday service.
With people outside my church, I might privately pray for the person, but I would keep that information to myself unless I was absolutely sure it would be welcome.

I hope the woman was joking. Otherwise, being told somebody is an atheist (or Jewish, Pagan, Marxist, or a Yankees fan) and responding with "I will pray for you" is hard to interpret as anything but a deliberate, passive-aggressive jab.

[texmati]

icky. I dunno.. praying for your conversion doesnt deserve a thank you. I may say, thanks but I'm very secure in my beliefs.

other things, for example a request for prayers, you can always say, I'll think good thoughts for you, or I'll hope for the best or I'll definitely think of you, depending on the circumstance.

[philomom]

I agree. Icky.


While I usually don't say anything rude... I'm tempted to say "don't bother, (insert bad name here)"

[Liquesce]

If the motivation appears to be hoping for the best for me on my own terms ("I'm having such a hard time these days" "I'll pray for you"), then I say "thank you." If the motivation appears to be a passive aggressive way of saying there's something wrong with me ("I'm an atheist" "I'll pray for you"), then I don't really respond, but I do make a mental note that this is probably not someone I am interested in interacting with further.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by mamabadger

I hope the woman was joking. Otherwise, being told somebody is an atheist (or Jewish, Pagan, Marxist, or a Yankees fan) and responding with "I will pray for you" is hard to interpret as anything but a deliberate, passive-aggressive jab.

I would have been incredibly offended.