When you ask/tell someone "I'm going to pray for you" - Page 2

[rhiOrion]

I agree with the PPs. If someone is offering to pray for me in a difficult time, or as a method of hoping I get something I want/need, then I accept it graciously. Exactly the same as if they said "I'm thinking of you" or "you'll be in my thoughts." To me, all of those things mean the exact same thing.

But, if someone said they'd pray for me because I'm agnostic, I'd be REALLY offended. It's basically saying that they want me to change who I am. They can pray for me privately all they want, but don't be rude and tell me about it.

[northcountrymamma]

meeting someone for the first time, finding out their religion is different then your own and telling them I'll pray for you...that's super offensive.

I'd have responded with "I'm just fine thanks, don't need any prayers".

ick.

[umsami]

I've had missionaries tell me that they're going to pray for me (I wear )... and usually I say, "Well thanks... every little bit helps"... or.... "I'll pray for you too." (which sometimes gets a shocked response... )

In general, I just say "thank you" or smile.

I usually only tell friends that I'll pray for them--if they're going through a bad time or whatever. If I see a person on the street who is maybe down on their luck or what not, I might ask God to help them... or make their day easier or whatever... but it's never occurred to me to go over and tell them I'm praying/prayed for them. That would be weird.

[purplepaperclip]

Praying for conversion is very disrepectful. I would ask her if she would like me to wish for her to lose her faith. Or if I was of a different religion than hers pray for her conversion. I find it offensive and rude.
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[mamadelbosque]

OP here! I'm rather relieved to find that I'm not crazy for being mildly offended/bugged by her comment... DH seemed to think it was just fine, so I wasn't really sure. My friend (whose a born again christian), actually looked at me after she walked away and was like "OK... so, we've not really discussed religion before, so here's my spiel -" after which she basicly said 'if you come to me wanting to learn about god/whatever, thats awesome. Untill then, I won't share it with you, to be respectful' - which wa awesome So, obviously, she thought it was a fairly strange exchange as well... and honestly, I think the lady who made the comments kinda regretted it... cause' it totally cut our whole convo short!!

[eclipse]

If someone tells me they will pray for me because I'm going through something difficult in my life, I say thank you. I view it in the same way as "I'll be thinking of you and your family" or something like that. Even though I don't believe what they believe, it's a nice gesture on their part. However, if someone tells me they are going to pray for my conversion, I don't think there's any way to take it kindly. I would probably say something like "Why would you say something so rude?"

[lilyka]

wow. in that situation I think she was being just plain rude (although I hope not intetnionally). I woud definitely not blurt out to someone "well i wil pray for your soul/conversion" even if I did plan to do it.

the only time I say "I'll be praying for you" is when someone is in need such as an illness or having a hard time. In general when someone is soliciting prayers/energy/well wishes/etc

people think I am going to hell because of my religon 9i am Orthodox Christian which does not sit well with a lot of Evangelical Protestants) and when they say something dumb like "I will be praying for you" implying that they will be praying for my soul/savation I just tell them to knock themselves out. Go crazy. Hey need some suggestions? pray I will find the truth of Christ's church, pray that we will both be able to see any heritical thinking blinding us from truth....Go right ahead. i say let them pray.

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

What response are you looking for? I was just told this at the park yesterday after a woman I & a friend (who is a born again christian) had just met when I told her I was an athiest/didn't believe in god. And I was just kinda dumbfounded... I sorta laughed it off (though I think I told her 'sure I don't really care... good luck with that' or something...), but its kinda bugged me ever since... I asked DH last night (whose family is much more religious than mine, and thus he understands the perspective a lot more than I do)... and he said I should just say "sure, thank you". But that just seems... odd to me.

SO! If you've ever told someone "I'm going to pray for you" - what response were you looking for/hoping for. If anyone has ever told you this, what was your response?

Was she going to pray for you because you are an atheist in the hopes that you would convert?
Because I would have a totally different reaction to that than if she was praying for you that you were going to get a new job or positive news on a medical test etc.
For me the difference is putting good thoughts out into the universe for my happiness and well being, versus dismissive of my world view. And so I would say thank you for the first and "don't bother" for the second.


LOL ETA I see I am not alone.
I read once (probably here on Mothering) of a great response to this sort of thing and I wish I could remember exactly how it was worded.
It was something along the lines of "if you truly believe your God is all knowing and all seeing and already at work in people's lives, don't you think you should trust him to do with me what he sees fit?"

My sister prays for conversion for members of our family who are different faiths and her lack of understanding of why it is inappropriate and arrogant causes huge rifts in our family. Honestly I wish people would focus on their own spiritual journey.

[Callimom]

double post

[rhianna813]

Originally Posted by EFmom

If it's someone who knows that I'm an atheist, and are praying for my conversion, I'll say something along the lines of, "Thank you. And I'll sacrifice a chicken to Ba'al for you."

Are we related? I love that!

Rhianna

[Quaniliaz]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

My sister prays for conversion for members of our family who are different faiths and her lack of understanding of why it is inappropriate and arrogant causes huge rifts in our family. Honestly I wish people would focus on their own spiritual journey.

Good grief.

I probably would have just raised my eyebrows a bit - but whatever - if that's how they want to spend their time....

[rhianna813]

Whether you are praying for someone, sending them energy, making a donation in their name, etc…. it’s all about the intention. Praying for someone because you want them to change (wrong beliefs) vs the person telling you they want to change (illness, bad relationship) are very different intentions.

Prayer, energy, etc is more powerful when the person seeks the change themselves IMO. I get impression most people who pray for others do not need their permission to do so. And if you think you will offend someone by praying for them, you probably shouldn’t ask or tell them. Just do it in private.

I think the desire to tell a person (especially someone who is not Christian) you will pray for them is in hopes they will continue to the conversation with you right then. And want to learn more about your beliefs. It’s a pick up line of sorts LOL

Rhianna

[texmati]

this thread is reminding me of one of my highschool friends trying to convert me. He would always say-- why can't you take it as a compliment?

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by texmati

this thread is reminding me of one of my highschool friends trying to convert me. He would always say-- why can't you take it as a compliment?

LOL because the implication that you aren't good enough exactly as your are isn't complimentary?

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by VillageMom6

I'm not sure what led you to telling someone you just met that you are an atheist. I can't say that I've ever had that conversation with a stranger. Did she ask you your affiliation? That would be awkward for everyone. It's sure not something that I do.

The times when I say "I"ll pray for you" are when someone is facing some sort of difficulty. The response is usually "Thank you". But I imagine there is a difference between being told that someone is praying that you be relieved from the crisis and being told that someone is praying for you to change your mind about something.

It sounds to me like you handled the situation just fine. I'm sure everyone meant well but it certainly was an awkward situation.

Being an Athiest is not a shameful thing. It's no different than announcing you're a Christian. I can't imagine it being awkward.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Being an Athiest is not a shameful thing. It's no different than announcing you're a Christian. I can't imagine it being awkward.

Oh, I disagree--it is different. Some of it may be geographical, but in many parts of the country, announcing that you are an athiest doesn't get you a warm reception, to put it mildly. I've only seen bad reactions from Christians, but I've had it be a total conversation killer, and some folks have stopped letting their kids hang out with my kids. And I live in the relatively liberal Northeast. I can only imagine that it's worse in the bible belt.

However, I do agree that there is nothing shameful about it, and if people ask me, I tell them flat out.

[mamadelbosque]

Yeah, it can certainly be a friend killer around here... obviously its also a conversational non-starter Honestly, if I stop and think about it before hand, I usually tell people I'm an agnostic pagan which *really* throws'm for a loop But, I wasn't really thinking about it an athiest just kinda popped out Which is also, more-or-less the truth. Though I personally like the sound of agnostic pagan better

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

It was actually a very nice discussion we had before the subject of religion came up - all about birth, nursing, kids, etc... and then she asked what church we went to. Which precipitated the smile and nod "we don't.... I'm basicly an athiest", and thence the 'I'm going to pray for you. Is that OK? Is it OK if I pray for you. I'm going to pray for you' convo.... which was just strange.

That IS strange. Pray if you want - that is your personal thing. Why ask someone else if you can? I'm thinking of clearing my throat. I might think of my favorite aunt who passed away last year. Hmmm... what do you think?

Originally Posted by Kahlan

at the heart of that comment is "I am praying for you to change your mind because I think you're wrong in your decisions." It's very disrespectful.

Now, I agree with the PP who said if it was for health or other hardship issues, that's one thing. Have at it. But to challenge your core beliefs is offensive.

Exactly - thank you!

Originally Posted by doubledutch

i would never tell someone, even indirectly, that i was praying for their salvation/conversion whatever, both because doing so wouldn't mesh with my beliefs, but also because i think that's really offensive.

I agree with you; it is absolutely offensive. It would infer that the person is wrong. You may think that; they may also think that about you. I assume the atheist didn't tell the religious woman at the park that she hopes she'll come to her senses in regards to her religious beliefs. When the woman tells/asks to pray for her, it is exactly the same thing.

Originally Posted by rhiOrion

I agree with the PPs. If someone is offering to pray for me in a difficult time, or as a method of hoping I get something I want/need, then I accept it graciously. Exactly the same as if they said "I'm thinking of you" or "you'll be in my thoughts." To me, all of those things mean the exact same thing.

But, if someone said they'd pray for me because I'm agnostic, I'd be REALLY offended. It's basically saying that they want me to change who I am. They can pray for me privately all they want, but don't be rude and tell me about it.

Yep.

[*Jade*]

Originally Posted by EFmom

If it's someone who is offering to pray for me for an illness, for example, I just let it slide. I don't like it and it grates on my nerves, but their intentions are good.

I'm the opposite, I quite like it. To me it's like someone saying "according to my worldview, I want the best for you and this is how I know how to get it". I think I swing more towards being agnostic then aethiest, so I figure I could always be wrong, and it's better to have all bases covered

[faithsstuff]

you're supposed to start screeching and in your best wicked witch voice 'I'm melting'.