horrible back pain - it's cio for us!

[preciousstone]

I've been using no cry sleep solution methods and co-sleeping half way thru the night when ds woke for about 3 wks. but i simply cannot anymore. my back feels like it will give out at any time. i can only sleep comfortably flat on my back, if at all. when ds wakes i try to pat his back in the crib or if necc i pick him up. the problem is he is almost 20lbs and crawling, so he's on the lowest setting of the crib. Hanging over the crib to pat him or picking him up has had its toll on my back. My back pain seems to be permanent now. I've have chronic back pain for almost 2 weeks. Tylenol just masks the pain for 6hrs or so and then its back again!!! all day long. i'm walking almost half bent over just to accomodate the pain. i feel terrible for ds cuz i can't pick him up and play with him as usual. i used to wear him in his ergo to sleep but.. I wouldn't dare try that.

When I bring DS to our bed half way thru the night I have to sleep on my side to nurse him or cuddle for him to go to sleep or stay asleep. The side sleeping is puttin an even bigger strain on my back.

I am at my wits end. I've actually started researching cio because this cannot work. My dh has helped best he can but his days are horribly long and his job terribly demanding. we depend on his sleep to bring home the bacon. he really probably is getting as much sleep as me.. because he works so much.

my back hurts so much i don't even have the frame of mind to try cio.. but something has to give. i just can't continue this way.

[St. Margaret]

You can't continue this way, but you don't have to turn to CIO. See a chiro maybe? And my friend saw someone who gave her great easy exercises to do that cured her (and my!) back/hip pain we were both getting from side nursing. Maybe research back exercises you can do on your own. Maybe you could side-car your crib so you don't have to bend over to get him-- just have him next to you. Or put the mattress(es) on the floor. Maybe sometimes he could sleep on top of you, so you could pat him right there, while you are on your back.

I know not all of these are going to work for you, but just putting it out there-- there are many other things to try besides CIO. It sounds like you need relief so you can let your back heal, and then you can focus on the sleep issue/arrangements. Is there anyone you can enlist to help out so you can get a comfy nap during the day sometime? Getting a bit of sleep might work wonders for your back and helping you to feel not so overwhelmed. I remember those early months and they are hard. It will probably get a LOT easier in a few more months. I hope you find a solution for your back now of course (I'm currently laid up for longer than 2 weeks with the most horrible sciatica ever, so I soooo relate to the pain and not being able to function!). But hang in there!

[Xerxella]

Lots of hugs to you

I also get horrible back pain from co-sleeping. I tried everything, but I don't think co-sleeping is for me. I found I have no problem with a rocking glider chair and it actually really helps relieve my back pain. Perhaps, you can back off of trying to get him to sleep through the night (none of my kids did until closer to a year) and just get yourself feeling better. And, if that means a rocker and a boppy a few times a night, then so be it. Yes, I was a little more tired, but I wasn't in pain, so it was worth it.

You need a break. Can anyone else help? Grandma or grandpa? a good friend? I found that with my DS when DH started handeling the nightime wakeups, DS quit waking up. (This didn't work with DD.)

I also found that I nurse on my side, I can then roll away from baby, find a comfortable spot and sleep better.

Have you tried a chiropractor? Or just a regular doctor? There is help. Can you really lie in bed and do nothing while your child cries in the other room? Maybe for hours, days, weeks. Because that's what CIO is.

I know you're SO tired and in SO much pain, it's hard to think through the fog. Maybe others can give you other ideas. Good luck mama. I hope you find relief soon.

[penstamon]

I went through a similar phase months ago with DS where my back just gave out on me. What really helped was 2 weeks with the chiro (and I had never been to one before) and increasing the weight training with my back muscles. I haven't had problems in months even though DS just keeps getting bigger and still wakes frequently to nurse or be patted in his co-sleeper.

What also helps me to prevent back pain while side-lying nursing is to roll up a blanket for support under my back. I always nurse laying on one side (both boobs ) so DS can be in between DH and I so I just leave the blanket there when I have to roll over to nurse again. A pillow between your legs can also help with back strain.

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by preciousstone

I've been using no cry sleep solution methods and co-sleeping half way thru the night when ds woke for about 3 wks. but i simply cannot anymore. my back feels like it will give out at any time. i can only sleep comfortably flat on my back, if at all. when ds wakes i try to pat his back in the crib or if necc i pick him up. the problem is he is almost 20lbs and crawling, so he's on the lowest setting of the crib. Hanging over the crib to pat him or picking him up has had its toll on my back. My back pain seems to be permanent now. I've have chronic back pain for almost 2 weeks. Tylenol just masks the pain for 6hrs or so and then its back again!!! all day long. i'm walking almost half bent over just to accomodate the pain. i feel terrible for ds cuz i can't pick him up and play with him as usual. i used to wear him in his ergo to sleep but.. I wouldn't dare try that.

When I bring DS to our bed half way thru the night I have to sleep on my side to nurse him or cuddle for him to go to sleep or stay asleep. The side sleeping is puttin an even bigger strain on my back.

I am at my wits end. I've actually started researching cio because this cannot work. My dh has helped best he can but his days are horribly long and his job terribly demanding. we depend on his sleep to bring home the bacon. he really probably is getting as much sleep as me.. because he works so much.

my back hurts so much i don't even have the frame of mind to try cio.. but something has to give. i just can't continue this way.

Hi, Mama. Okay...some tough love here, truly meant as help, not as being a jerk.

Being a mama is such hard work. I know about back pain. (I started with degenerative arthritis in my back, and lost 5+ discs in the Army over the years. My chronic back pain has been with me since 2001, and it doesn't get better. It gets worse, and I have to manage it every single day.) So, I know about your pain...

1. Stop taking Tyenol for back pain. You need ibuprofen (Mortin), or possibly naproxen (Aleve) to get some relief from inflammation. Aleve can possibly affect your milk, so that's why I take the ibuprofen regularly, and one Aleve on a very bad day.

2. You really don't want to CIO, I don't think. You said you don't have the frame of mind to do it. You're in pain and you're exhausted. I get it! But if you truly wanted to CIO you would just do it. You wouldn't come here and post that you are thinking about it. You need SUPPORT, Mama, and that's what we're here for! So stop talking about this CIO stuff.

3. You are stronger than you think. Repeat. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK. You are in a tough stage with a crawling baby. Guess what? This too shall pass...but something else will come along in its wake. But you will be okay, because we're mamas, and we handle it. It might take an extra cup of coffee, or a painkiller now and then, but we handle it. Come here, keep posting. You will do it. You *are* doing it.

4. You need to strengthen your body. Your body is learning how to hold a baby for long hours, sleep with/physically position itself to nurse your baby. These muscles take some time to develop. Like, many months. This part of it does get easier, I can assure you. Your "baby muscles" will come. However, you do NEED to strengthen your back, abs, gluts, and legs. Basically, you need to do some core work. You need muscle to support your spine. This will help with the pain. Your LO is only going to get heavier over the years. So if you already have back pain, you are going to have to suck it up a little and do some strength work. Not huge workouts. Start small. You can!

5. Side sleeping/nursing constantly hurt me, too. I had to gradually slide away and lay flat. It did wake my DD up from time to time. But I couldn't stay on my side, either. BTW, I STILL have to prop up on my elbows to nurse side-lying. Ouch. Raw, calloused elbows. Yep. I did/do the PPO/Gentle Removal thing, and usually our night nursings only last up to 5 minutes now. Then I slide away and get comfy. (Note: I couldn't do this when she was very young, and it happened gradually over a period of months, because she would wake up.) So, try to get as flat as you can. And during the DAY...lay on the ground/on the bed as you play with your DS. On your STOMACH. This will help your lower back. You can prop up on your elbows in this position. Try not to walk bent forward to accommodate the pain. That will not help you in the long run. Also, try "legs up the wall" for 2-5 minutes here and there. lay on your back, butt against the baseboards, and let the wall hold your legs up.


I hope you're feeling better, soon, Mama. Hang in there.

[justKate]

The PP had some great advice. I just wanted to chime in that the NCSS doesn't work for everyone. The pantley pop-off, maybe. Can you nurse DS and then snuggle him into your armpit? Yes, he's going to get mad at first, but at seven months old he will understand that being snuggled into your armpit is just as nice as snuggling into your chest. Co-sleeping isn't all or nothing-- you have to make the changes that are going to work for your family. DS might have to be content with snuggling your arm so that you can rest comfortably. Even if this takes some crying on his part, it is NOT the same as CIO. I would start there, if you can.

[Violet2]

It's not CIO if you are in the room and offer verbal assurance and limit the physical side. You don't have to physically kill yourself.

Yes, your baby will not like it, but he will adjust in a few days to the new routine.

I would not nurse lying down. I would sit up and get comfy to do a proper nursing session. However, this will mean nightweaning in the sense that there will no longer be free access to the breast.

Now would be a good time to introduce a lovey and paci if that's acceptable to you.

You need to find something that works. Whether it's massage or chiro or changing your routine. AP isn't just one single way of doing things. Kids are not inflexible either, they adapt quite well if given the chance to do so--it can take several days before they adjust and it's okay for them to be upset about the change so long as you offer comfort.

And yes, sleep kind of sucks at this stage. Between the pain and sleep deprivation, you have it rough . See if you can swing a sitter to come in and give you a nap. When the pain is really bad, you can alternate Tylenol and Motrin--take 1 dose, wait 2 hours, take next med. I often up the dose on the Motrin as it is the same as the Rx 600mg. Heat packs work wonders too--they are really underrated.

My laptop is crashing so gotta run, can't finish, good luck momma

V

[aiea]

I had extreme back pain while co-sleeping too. I know you have him in a separate crib, and you need to lie flat to sleep. Unfortunately I am in the opposite boat (co-sleeping and side-lying) so I may only have good vibes and virtual hugs to send to you.

But if you try side-lying again, here are the things that helped most -

Getting a softer mattress. Ours was way too hard to be comfortable side-lying. That helped the most.

If you side-lie and nurse/sleep, tuck or shift your bottom-most shoulder as much as possible toward your torso. It kept me from hyper-extending the muscles that run from shoulder to spine (latissimus dorsi I think).

Side-lie with your body looking like it's sitting in a chair (legs bent 90 degrees at hip and 90 degrees at knee). Sometimes I had to play with this to find the comfy spot. But in general, making small and subtle changes until I figured out the right feel worked best for us.

I went from back spasms at 2 AM to quite comfortable sleep after months of shifting, guessing and figuring out what worked.

[nextcommercial]

I'm no help for the cry it out issue.

But, for your back pain.... I had a slipped disk (or something like that) It's happened twice in the same place. The first time was reallllly bad and lasted a few months.

My friend gave me advice that seemed to work. I took LOTS of Motrin. I think I was taking three every five or six hours. Then, I would lie on the living room floor on a yoga mat with a soft blue ice pack under my back. (It was low back, just above my left butt cheek.. it hurt all the way down my leg)

I also joined a gym with an indoor pool and went swimming three nights a week. I went late at night so it didn't really interfere with my family too much. So, I didn't feel so bad about it.

I bought the best tennis shoes I could find. I actually think that made the biggest change for me. Sometimes, it starts at one end of your body, and before you realize it, you are in major pain somewhere else.

I bought an inexpensive neoprene back brace/fat melter thingy from Wal Mart in the fitness/sports area. I loved that thing!

It does take a long time, and I'm not giving you the advice you are asking for. But, honestly, if you don't find a way to fix your back now, it will cost you dearly later on. It will cost your son too. So, you really need to take this seriously.

[elus0814]

I feel for you! I'm 7 months pregnant now and have lots of sciatic nerve pain which makes standing or carrying our 16 month old very difficult. We were cosleeping until a month or so ago but have had to transition him to a crib. I'm fortunate that my husband is able to walk around with him each evening to help him get to sleep but on the days he's not here I have to let the baby cry either in his crib or next to me in the bed. It's difficult to hear him upset but it's what needs to happen, I don't know where we would all be if I couldn't take care of the kids during the day while my husband couldn't be there. I don't think crying it out needs to be all or nothing. You could bring the crib up next to your bed so you can be right there and offer comfort without causing pain for you. It doesn't have to be you in one room and a screaming baby in another. Also, not all babies will cry for hours on end, mine falls asleep in 15 minutes or so as long as he is tired.

I agree with other posts, it might be worthwhile for you to have your back pain evaluated. I tried a chiropractor for mine but it didn't seem to help (and was super expensive since our insurance doesn't cover any of it) but they did show me some stretches I could do to reduce the pain. Motrin may upset your stomach, some people can't take it because it causes stomach pain, so tylenol might be a good option to keep the pain to a minimum.

[Louisep]

Mama I have so been there but what PP said about building up baby muscles is so true. I didn't do any exercises but eventually my body stopped hurting. I used to get some relief from putting a pillow behind my back, really tucking it in to support it while side lying.

Can you just give up on the crib and cosleep full time? It doesn't sound like the crib is working out and is the main source of the backache.

I never thought I'd get through the tough sleep stage but we saw big improvements around 12 months and then came out the other side almost entirely around 15 months.

Your DS is 20lbs and almost crawling, so is he 9+ months? I think you will see things calm down a little once he crawls and even more so after he walks.

Like PP said, you can do this. Now we are in a better place I am so so so glad I never did CIO.

Big hugs to you.

[NEastMomma]

Oh Preciousstone - you poor thing! Hugs to you - to be in such pain and on poor sleep is no joke. This is so hard.

First of all, you need to see a dr for your back pain AND throw out the Tylenol and get thee some Advil, stat!

I hurt my back in April - I have no idea what I did to it, but it occured the week my mom died, so I was majorly stressed, sleeping over while she was on hospice and attending to my frequent night waking DS the whole time. It was tough. I then made it worse standing for hours at Mom's wake and funeral... yeah. My DH forced me to go to the dr as I couldn't pick up my DS (who is 21lbs).

Long story short: I was ordered to take 800mgs of Advil 3x/day!!!! And you're taking crappy Tylenol?!?! (BTW - dr okay's this for breastfeeding). I also had to see a Physical Therapist - it was pricey, super difficult to find a babysitter and hard work doing all those stretches and exercizes at home, but guess what? I'M CURED!!! I do have to keep up w/ the stretches, but that's fine by me, b/c the back pain was debilitating and I'd do anything to avoid it.

You are in constant pain, you are not getting quality sleep - which is enough to drive you crazy. You're really up against it! I think you might feel differently about CIO if you were in a "better place." You DESERVE to feel pain-free! Please see a professional about your back.

My mother admitted to me that she regretted letting me CIO when I was a baby. Of course I forgave her, but I'm sure you don't want that kind of regret, right? Make the CIO decision AFTER you are feeling pain-free!

You can do it!

[MamaChicken]

There are great suggestions here. I hit the same point with my twins. 3 hours of painful sleep per night just doesn't cut it. The BEST advice i've ever gotten is this:

"Never make life-changing decisions when you are in your darkest hour"

Find a way to get some sleep and relief, THEN decide how to proceed.

[yarngoddess]

I would be seeing your regular doctor for this pain as well. I would be getting some pain medication- and honestly some meds REALLY help with back pain and give your Brain a chance to rest and re-coup! There are LOTS of safe pain meds that one can take while breastfeeding- I hope you get some pain meds and some relief- I've had a past back injury that lasted 4years Pain is very difficult to navigate while dealing with kids. Sending you Healing and Sleeping vibes.