In a rut

[epdeans]

Hey everyone. I need some inspiration, suggestions for inner work and maybe even a pep talk.

I am a new mom of a 4 month old son. I stay at home with him and his father works alot. So, I am feeling kind of cut off and isolated. I realize this is a temporary situation but it still feels uncomfortable for me.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me to step through this rut I feel I am in?

Thanks for letting me vent and look forward to hearing some ideas of how to gracefully and peacefully walk forward.

Thanks
Elizabeth in NC

[ourdayourjourney]

seek support that you need, maybe that includes having your family, a friend or your husband call you on his lunch break if you really have a need to connect with an adult during your day. you may also find that thinking of this time as your time to rest may be beneficial. i feel that getting outside helps me. walking around the block with my children (hopefully crossing by a neighbor) enjoying my garden ( a simple pot of flowers will do) having lunch outdoors and laying the baby out on a blanket with you

[epdeans]

Thank you for your kind reply.

I spoke with my fiance and expressed my feelings and instantly felt better. It brought us even closer together and that helped.

I got a great night sleep and ate super nourishing food today and got outside. Those 4 things made all the difference in the world.

I am back on track
Thanks
Elizabeth in NC

[berrymama]

Hi there! I have a 2.5 yr old and 5 month old, and can totally understand how you are feeling. I have felt really out of sorts lately. It is frustrating for me to not get the things done that I think need to be done because I have a baby that does not want to be put down. My DH works all day and listens to people complain so the last thing he wants to hear when he gets home (or in the middle of the day if I try to call him) is complaining. My mom raised 9 children(!), so while I can call her to chat, she is rarely sympathetic. I have recently tried to incorporate some "me" time back into my day when the boys are napping or at night when they go to sleep. I try to knit or do whatever makes me happy. Getting outside helps too, but it has been really hot and my babe hates going for walks. Sometimes just acting silly and singing or dancing with the boys helps as well. Hang in there!

[epdeans]

Thanks for you encouragement. I am having a great week this week.

It was like after I expressed my feelings things began to naturally fall in to place.

I believe I was at the cusp of a breakthrough when I was feeling that "rutty" feeling.

Elizabeth in NC

[blumom2boyz]

Glad you are having a better week! It is definitely an adjustment becoming a SAHM for the first time, especially if you don't already have a "mothering community" IRL. I would suggest you trying to seek out some like minded mamas that you can form friendships with. Good Luck!

Tanya (also in NC!)

[Mama Shifra]

When I had my eldest, it seemed like I could never get a shower and get dressed for the first 4-5 months!

I found that putting her in a stroller or front pack and taking her for a walk helped. We often walked to the mall and watched the kids in the play area or did window shopping. You can often find other moms at the mall and local parks, which helps with the isolation factor. Also, if you are breastfeeding, I found plenty of company at La Leche League meetings. If your stroller has a large basket, you could even do grocery shopping, and get some "real work" in at the same time.

Also, you can get a lot of housework done with a child in a backpack. Maybe not cleaning toilets (you can't really bend over with a child on your back), but washing dishes, cutting fruit and vegetables, putting dinner in a crockpot to cook while you go out, and vacumming can all be done with a child on your back. Also, nurse your baby on the floor when you think that your son will fall asleep! That way you can clean your house or cook without worrying about your baby falling off a bed (if you cannot easily put him into a crib; some babies are very difficult to transfer! ) Having a cleaner house is comforting!

And last, finding something that soothes you helps. I'm a big reader, and when babies are small you can get quite a bit of reading done while feeding them. You can take books or videos/DVDs out of the library to learn something you have always wanted to learn for free! Rahima Baldwin suggests in her book You Are Your Child's First Teacher doing some creative work. Do you like to draw or do some other visual art work? Do you like music--you could play an instrument or like berrymama said put on some music on your stereo and dance by yourself or with your baby?

[epdeans]

Tayne, I am in Raleigh. What part of NC are you in?

Thanks again for the comments. I have read You are your child's first teacher and am currently reading Simplicity Parenting. I love both of these books.

What type of carrier do you ladies use to do work around the house. I only have a Baby Bjorn and do not really find it easy to do housework with Baby Jake in it. He is 5 months old and weighs 16.5 pounds.

Thanks again,
Elizabeth in NC

[zoebird]

i did all of the housework during nap times, and he was asleep on his cushion (firm dog bed) with a lambskin over it. he was a very consistent napper, so as soon as he went down for his 11-ish nap, i would immediately do my daily chore.

as he got older, it became my number one tidy time. now, i get up and do the chore right after breakfast (while he plays independently), and then as soon as he goes down for a nap, i do a whole-house tidy. of course, my house is small, but i start with his toys, then any stray dishes, then any paperwork that needs to be filed/sorted, etc.

but, on those days where he didn't want to be put down, i used the moby wrap. it was lighter weight than moy storch, so i wouldn't get over heated while also working.

and, i only use non-toxic cleansers or home-made ones (lemon juice, vinegar, tea tree oil, etc).

[epdeans]

Thing are going well here for us. Baby Jake is napping longer and has even began to fall asleep at times by himself. He will be playing on the floor and fall into sleep.

Also for us, he is being more active and I think that helps him be more tired.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Elizabeth in NC